I need to vent!
Ok, why is it that I always have to be the responsible one? I mean, since I was little, it's been, "No Grace, you can't do that. just think of what so-and-so will think if you do." Why am I not allowed to just be "irresponsible" one time?! I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the whole "mom" thing, but honestly, you know why I love it? Because it was my only choice, my only answer when I was made fun of for it! "Oh Grace, yeah, she always brings EVERYTHING with her" as they roll their eyes. But then, two seconds later, as soon as they need something "Oh, Grace, you're always so prepared -- we always know we can come to you if we need anything! thank you SO much" Blah blah blah -- whatever! So, the one time in my life that I'm a tad bit less caring about what other people are perceiving me as -- someone says "OOH, Grace, just wait till I tell so-and-so what you're doing." THANKS! Thanks a lot! Actually, I've been getting that a lot lately. My decisions are never made without a great deal of thought --too much usually-- going into them, so I really don't care for people undermining those decisions and ridiculing them. Now, i know that I'm blowing this WAY out of proportion, but I needed to vent in general. My life has been so .... I don't even know what to say... ever since I came back from Ft Lauderdale last Sunday. I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have yet to get a real night's sleep in over two weeks, and that i've been eating totally unhealthy during that time as well, and that I have not touched my homework and the guilt from that is eating me alive, not to mention a few interesting run-ins, some of which were planned and others which weren't so much -- and the fact that I am overdue for a good long cry. I know this makes absolutely no sense, but it's what is running circles around the inside of my head right now and I needed to get it out. And the bad thing is, I feel like I still can't put exactly what I want to say down because I know someone will have a problem with it somehow -- and it's supposed to be a stinkin' journal!!!!! Agh! I'm having a "my life is temporarily screwed up and I want a quick way out" moment. Pray or something please, cause I sure feel like I can't, and someone needs to get me out of this somehow. I need a miracle, as cliche and stupid as it sounds -- and I would prefer it to not be in the form of Prozac or Zoloft. And, no, I'm not drunk.