learning to live this life.
I said some pretty hurtful things. Things that I wish I could take back, but fear its too late to do so. Things that, for the most part, I actually meant. I have a way of being just a little too honest sometimes, it gets me in trouble. Now I regret the conversation. Just because you feel a certain way doesn't make it ok to say. Just because I have the impression of something does not mean that its necessarially true.
And I know that a lot of what I said, just because I said it, is just that. Suspision. My lifelong guilt and doubt brings this on sometimes. Mostly when I should be happier than ever. Its time like this that I need more reassurance than ever.
Just because you love someone does not mean that you have to agree with them. I think we've proved that here.
But Im just learning how to live this life. Dealing with the expectations of myself and others. Dealing day by day as my thoughts collide with those around me. Those that I love. Those that I am learning to love. Learning to live up to the expectations of others when I have never had the pressure of being someone that I am not previously in my life.
All this while watching others around me move on. I feel so static in the big picture. But Ive realized that there is nothing that I can do to change what it is. TO be treated how I want will take something huge, something that is beyond my control.
Breathe.
Its ok to make mistakes along the way, thats why we call it living. The best things in life are worth the wait. Although that may be painful and you may feel like the world is moving at the speed of sound while you lay in bed on a beautiful Sunday morning, trying to pull the covers over your head, desperately trying to block out the sunlight. The worst is the not wanting to get out of bed, The worst is when you know how damn good you have it, and it still doesn't matter.
Maybe the physical pain transcends through to the spirit. Maybe these are my hollow years. I wish they would crash down. I wish there would be a happy ending for me somewhere, but I need the rock to be lifted from my shoulders.
Relive the anguish of my past to find out who I am at last.
And I know that a lot of what I said, just because I said it, is just that. Suspision. My lifelong guilt and doubt brings this on sometimes. Mostly when I should be happier than ever. Its time like this that I need more reassurance than ever.
Just because you love someone does not mean that you have to agree with them. I think we've proved that here.
But Im just learning how to live this life. Dealing with the expectations of myself and others. Dealing day by day as my thoughts collide with those around me. Those that I love. Those that I am learning to love. Learning to live up to the expectations of others when I have never had the pressure of being someone that I am not previously in my life.
All this while watching others around me move on. I feel so static in the big picture. But Ive realized that there is nothing that I can do to change what it is. TO be treated how I want will take something huge, something that is beyond my control.
Breathe.
Its ok to make mistakes along the way, thats why we call it living. The best things in life are worth the wait. Although that may be painful and you may feel like the world is moving at the speed of sound while you lay in bed on a beautiful Sunday morning, trying to pull the covers over your head, desperately trying to block out the sunlight. The worst is the not wanting to get out of bed, The worst is when you know how damn good you have it, and it still doesn't matter.
Maybe the physical pain transcends through to the spirit. Maybe these are my hollow years. I wish they would crash down. I wish there would be a happy ending for me somewhere, but I need the rock to be lifted from my shoulders.
Relive the anguish of my past to find out who I am at last.