(no subject)
"But dad! .... it was FREE!"
I had dinner with Susannah, and as we were walking out the door, I said, "wanna go buy a tree for $1.00?" She was game so we drove down to Home Depot and we each picked out an already bundled Noble Fir, paid nothing for them, stuffed them in the trunk of our cars and went our separate ways. I wasn't going to get a tree this year, but I wasn't going to get a tree last year either. I just realized, maybe … just maybe .. I'm starting my very own tradition. Can one single person have a Christmas tradition? Without family involved?
Who needs kids, grandkids, families, caroling, cooking, shopping, boyfriends who are too busy or any of that crap. Maybe my Christmas's will be unique to my situation. Unique to me. Let them all run around like chickens with a coon in the house. I can relax, put on Manheim Steam Roller, drink some hot tea, honey and Korbel (YUM) and do Christmas unlike I've done in the past. Why the hell did I ever think I needed to duplicate the past just to feel normal? To feel whole?
If I ever get married again, maybe things will be different, but right now, I'm going to enjoy my time, my house, and do Christmas MY way.
I want to look back on this entry in December 2005. Maybe it will remind me that I do indeed still have a life. Maybe it will help with these blues that take footholds in my soul as others talk about their Christmas and all the warm associations that come with having a family. Maybe I can just smile a secret smile and know that their reality is NOT better than mine. That's hard to do, yes, but if I can accomplish that, I know I've grown. And that is my goal.
I felt like Charlie Brown when I put up this tree. Every time I touched it, needles fell. I thought I was going to end up with a stick, but Nobles can stay fresh a long time. Even with a vacuum bag full of downed needles, it still looks pretty good. Stupid Cat freaked, of course. It was hard to get a hold of her to snap this picture. But it was important I include her. And here she sits, right now, her head curled up in the inside of my elbow, purring like a idling tractor.
Life is good.
The red balls look polka-dotted. How cool. I only have two ornaments , one was given to me last year by my first new friend in California, and the other from a guy at work. They're both angels. Hmmm .. sounds like yet even another new tradition starting up.