Work
I've realy been feeling numb lately.
I cutt. Im realy ashamed of it,so don't hate, I do enough of that on my own.
Anyway.... I cut my self a little too deap yesterday, and I didn't realy feel anything. It did'nt hurt and i'm begining to wounder if my nervous system is messed up. After I cut myself yesterday I decided i'm not going to do it anymore. I might resort to burning, but hopefully i'll be able to resist. If I finaly decide to i'm going to smoke, and if I don't like it then i'll burn.
Please don't leave any hatefull comments!
I'm already close to suicide.
I cry unbarible every night until I fall asleep. I sometimes don't fall asleep until nearly 5am. I'm hoping that as I start increasing my work load i'll eventualy fall into bed at night w/o giving my life a single thought.
I'm hoping that's what will happen, bc I have to be at work in the morning at 5. I can't spend my nights crying when I should be sleeping.
This is what my scedual will be like when school starts:
Wake up at 4; get dressed, eat my no calorie breakfast, go to work from 5-7:30am.
At 7:30, i'll go home, change, drive to scool.
At 12-12:30 I'll pretend to eat luch (or eat a small amount); go back to class; go home at I think 2:30 or 3:30, I can't remember.
Once I get home i'll do home work for like 4hrs, then condition, take a shower, go to bed.
I hope that's enough work to cause me to fall into bed, and never wake up. If it's not then i'll start working in the late afternoons too.
Don't hate me bc of my emotional problems! And yes I know i'm a bad speller.