Depressed bc of ED?- Or have an ED bc i'm depressed?
I've been so depressed latly. I guss I have since I stoped being a gymnast, but it's realy starting to get to me.
I don't know where i'll be a yr from now.
I've been having major thoughts about smoking. I'm even begining to think about drinking. I will never drink more then once bc it has too many calories, but I still think about it.
I think I might be becoming suverly bulimic. I think i'm slightly anorexic, but mostly mia has taken a toll on me. Dame It! I would reather have ana as my frind!
I've bienged/purged I think 4 or 5 times to day. I would'nt have if I wasn't on my period. I eat basicaly nothing the whole month, then my period starts and i'm a fat ass pig.! I don't even like the tast of food any more, yet I still eat it. Seriously,I don't realy like apples any more, and their one of my favorit fruits.
I wish I knew why I developed an ED! Maby then I could fix my problems.
I always tell myself that i've had an ED for a yr bc last yr was when I first purged, but I know I had to have had this for atleast 2yrs.
I need help! But getting help isn't an option for me! I have been homeschooled my whole life bc I have over protective/ controling parents who did'nt think it would be the sutible thing to let me go to public schools. This will be my 1st yr going to a private school, and if ask to see a loony doctor the'll force me to tell them why I want to go, and once they find out the'll home school me again.
I have to go to an army college! I think that being home schooled had made me realy weak when it comes to hadaling my emotions.
I wount last in the army if i'm home schooled! I have to go to a regular school to become tough, and graduate as one of the top studients, so I can become a medical doctor a little easier.
I wounder if it realy would be better if I just decided to die!? [I'm scared of life. Does that make scence?]