What if ...
Once upon a time, a long time ago, I was one of those Christians. Oh, you know exactly what I mean. The one who was not the least bit humble about my morals. I was a virgin, and proud of it. Oh, I would be a virgin until my wedding day. I didn't drink. I went to church every Sunday, I went to youth group, I read the bible, I prayed, I recited bible verses, and I judged and condemned everyone who made choices that I felt weren't in line with "good Christian choices".
I was a perfect living example of the church.
I could play the part I was expected to play perfectly. I knew all the lines by heart, I knew how to act, how to pray, how to behave, how to look, walk, talk, dress and be. Over years and years of doing this, of being 'the church', you either turn into a complete hypocrite, for the rest of your life, or you rebel. It's in the heart that way. When you act a certain way, play a role that isn't really who you are, your heart betrays you. So you either lead a double life, in hypocrisy, presenting one side to the church, the perfect flawless Christlike person, and feed your heart's desire in darkness, or you rebel out and out, for everyone to see.
I chose to rebel. I left the church, the city, my family, my life, my school. I rejected the entire lifestyle I'd grown up in. I got pregnant outside of marriage, and kept the baby. I rebelled against everything, even when I was seeking the advice of 'the church'.
The church. May I just say, I love Casting Crowns, and their fearlessness in addressing the fault and the shortcomings of the church. The church, which judges, condemns and throws aside anything that defiles their image. That is what is SO interesting to me! The church prides itself on seeking out the dirty disgusting people and turning them around for that AMAZING testimony of "I was an aids ridden transvestite hooker in the Bronx and now I am a married father of 2 rockin the church" but when people IN the church, the rock solid people, start falling apart, they throw them to the wolves. They won't save a failing Christian, just anyone else who will make a good story. So, in my current situation I am watching a marriage blow apart. Not just fall apart, literally explode. What is interesting is the silence of the church.
EVEN IF they side with one side of this couple, and think that the other one is absolutely crazy off the deep end demons in his head hearing voices might actually murder a person. EVEN IF... what the hell are they doing. What the hell is wrong with a church that not only does not reach out and do ANYTHING to try to save a marriage, or at least make sure that a person is surviving. Silence. I am familiar with the silence. I have been going to this church for 4 years. If I stop going for a few weeks, nobody questions it, nobody looks for me, nobody asks. Because apparently I am a hellbound sinful whore. Be that as it may, as people who are trying to 'win people to Christ' is this really the route? Silence? I find it very interesting. Interesting that, because EVERYONE of the thousand or so people that go to this church know my parents VERY well, they know me, and they know my sister. And they have never checked on us. Not once. That just seems wrong. It doesn't surprise me. I have been invisible if not condemned since I came home to the church. I got pregnant, and was counseled not without bias-to give the kid up. When I didn't, I was left mostly by the wayside. I was condemned, and more or less ignored because of the path I chose. Because what I had decided to do was not what the church had decided God wanted.
I am used to being ignored, condemned, judged, and uncared for in the face of crisis, pain, hurt, and destruction. I am used to the example of 'the love of Christ' being something along the lines of "you are a sinful whore who is making terrible choices and screwing up her life and whatever it is you are choosing will fail". It doesn't bother me. Because I've learned enough to know that Jesus never loved like that. He would have confronted the issue, not turned his back on the people. He would care for, and be concerned for. He would fight. For whatever or whoever. He would be vocal. Silence? No. So, whatever is happening in that church has NOTHING to do with Christ. Of that, I am sure.
And that is how I understand so well why people think Christians are a bunch of hypocrites, and a bunch of judges, and a bunch of... well... condemning assholes. Because I would look at it that way if I didn't know enough to know that has nothing to do with Christ.
I was a perfect living example of the church.
I could play the part I was expected to play perfectly. I knew all the lines by heart, I knew how to act, how to pray, how to behave, how to look, walk, talk, dress and be. Over years and years of doing this, of being 'the church', you either turn into a complete hypocrite, for the rest of your life, or you rebel. It's in the heart that way. When you act a certain way, play a role that isn't really who you are, your heart betrays you. So you either lead a double life, in hypocrisy, presenting one side to the church, the perfect flawless Christlike person, and feed your heart's desire in darkness, or you rebel out and out, for everyone to see.
I chose to rebel. I left the church, the city, my family, my life, my school. I rejected the entire lifestyle I'd grown up in. I got pregnant outside of marriage, and kept the baby. I rebelled against everything, even when I was seeking the advice of 'the church'.
The church. May I just say, I love Casting Crowns, and their fearlessness in addressing the fault and the shortcomings of the church. The church, which judges, condemns and throws aside anything that defiles their image. That is what is SO interesting to me! The church prides itself on seeking out the dirty disgusting people and turning them around for that AMAZING testimony of "I was an aids ridden transvestite hooker in the Bronx and now I am a married father of 2 rockin the church" but when people IN the church, the rock solid people, start falling apart, they throw them to the wolves. They won't save a failing Christian, just anyone else who will make a good story. So, in my current situation I am watching a marriage blow apart. Not just fall apart, literally explode. What is interesting is the silence of the church.
EVEN IF they side with one side of this couple, and think that the other one is absolutely crazy off the deep end demons in his head hearing voices might actually murder a person. EVEN IF... what the hell are they doing. What the hell is wrong with a church that not only does not reach out and do ANYTHING to try to save a marriage, or at least make sure that a person is surviving. Silence. I am familiar with the silence. I have been going to this church for 4 years. If I stop going for a few weeks, nobody questions it, nobody looks for me, nobody asks. Because apparently I am a hellbound sinful whore. Be that as it may, as people who are trying to 'win people to Christ' is this really the route? Silence? I find it very interesting. Interesting that, because EVERYONE of the thousand or so people that go to this church know my parents VERY well, they know me, and they know my sister. And they have never checked on us. Not once. That just seems wrong. It doesn't surprise me. I have been invisible if not condemned since I came home to the church. I got pregnant, and was counseled not without bias-to give the kid up. When I didn't, I was left mostly by the wayside. I was condemned, and more or less ignored because of the path I chose. Because what I had decided to do was not what the church had decided God wanted.
I am used to being ignored, condemned, judged, and uncared for in the face of crisis, pain, hurt, and destruction. I am used to the example of 'the love of Christ' being something along the lines of "you are a sinful whore who is making terrible choices and screwing up her life and whatever it is you are choosing will fail". It doesn't bother me. Because I've learned enough to know that Jesus never loved like that. He would have confronted the issue, not turned his back on the people. He would care for, and be concerned for. He would fight. For whatever or whoever. He would be vocal. Silence? No. So, whatever is happening in that church has NOTHING to do with Christ. Of that, I am sure.
And that is how I understand so well why people think Christians are a bunch of hypocrites, and a bunch of judges, and a bunch of... well... condemning assholes. Because I would look at it that way if I didn't know enough to know that has nothing to do with Christ.