RP Log with obscuritenoire | More Interrogations

[gr8muppetyodin]

[Follows THIS]

The night was getting on by the time Blaise arrived back to his estate from the military facility. It had been a long day, and after being confronted by the lover of Rory's brother out of the blue, Blaise had finally managed to go into a closed-door meeting with Riley to discuss where the whole situation lay now. They spoke for hours, trying to put a range of different plans into action to support a number of different scenarios they could be faced with. And that was before they even got to discussing standard Kindred business beyond what was occurring in their immediate reach. Blaise was still the Prince, and there were still many other issues he had to consider all the time. Having been overshadowed by Rory's attack, there was a lot of business they had to visit in their meeting together, and even by the time it ended, Riley was close to falling asleep at his desk. Indeed, Blaise had watched with an amused smirk when Riley had briefly dropped off in the middle of a phone call and nearly poked himself in the eye with his pen. He had quickly, yet sheepishly, regained his composure, though it was enough of a reminder for Blaise that the Sergeant was still human and needed rest. As it was Blaise was still drained himself. He would welcome being home where he could relax for a little while.


He was surprised when he stepped out of his sleek back car, however, and found Buffy sitting with Airlie and Xander on the comfortable outdoor chairs in the garden by the steps. Of course, it was an expensive setting and felt more like a luxurious lounge chair when one sat in it. It probably seemed ironic that a Kindred home would have sun lounges, but in the heated summer nights, Blaise enjoyed being outside. He aborbed the fresh air and relaxation that came from his gardens. It more than made sense to have somewhere comfortable to sit. As it was, that night was strangely warm for that time of the year, and with a light jumper or jacket, it wouldn't be unpleasant to sit out here. That didn't stop him being surprised. He nodded to the three of them as he headed for the steps up into the home. "Bonsoir, mes amis," he greeted them politely. He was dressed in a knee-length charcoal grey jacket with a form-fitting red silk shirt underneath. He never failed to dress appropriately for business meetings, whether he was familiar with the people or not. It also gave him as much sense as he could retain right now that he was in power, because he really did believe his footing was slipping in more ways than one. Even now, he hadn't slept or rested since the fitful brief period the night he drank the tainted he blood. He needed to feed again, but he could worry about that in a little while. He didn't want to interrupt whatever they were talking about, and he really needed to just sit down... inside. It felt like ages since he had been home.

Buffy didn't waist time in excusing herself from Xander and Airlie. Besides which, Airlie had made her way onto Xander's lap and there was more whispering between those two than a conversation that involved Buffy. She also knew when she was a third wheel. She kissed Xander's cheek before giving Airlie's shoulder a squeeze as she passed, the Slayer bounding up the stairs to follow Blaise. She was dressed in one of his simple business shirts over a pair of her jeans. She was even barefoot. It was a cool evening, but Buffy was revelling in the chance to just enjoy the fresh air. She was also keen to quiz Blaise about how he was feeling, and who the new arrival was. Another Kindred woman, and Blaise hadn't mentioned having another mate, but still... Buffy couldn't help but be wary, and maybe just the tiniest bit jealous. She'd been all shiny, beautiful and glittery. Plus she was in a blue silk dress, and Buffy had felt like she had been dressed like a total bum next to her.

She came up beside Blaise and slipped her hand into his as she gave it a squeeze. "So, um... I know you've probably had a long night and everything, and I totally want to ease into the small talk but I just need to ask you one thing before it eats me up alive... Who's Emmeline?"

Blaise glanced down at her and then looked at their joined hands. He hadn't really contemplated company. He was used to fending for himself these days, that it was easier to just anticipate his down time spent alone. But it was her question that had his attention and if he was capable of his hackles going up, they would have just then. Emmeline was his blood, just like she was Juliette's blood as her Sire. It was always going to be an immediate reaction to be on his possessive guard if enquiries like this came. "You want to ease into small talk, yet you do not?" he asked, raising a questioning eyebrow. "Who she is depends on who wishes to know."

Buffy tucked her stray strands of hair behind her ear as she gave him a sheepish smile. "Well, see, I was thinking small talk and then I was thinking maybe I should just cut to the point. Only now, I'm thinking I should have gone with small talk. Like, ah... How was your thing? Meeting. How's Rory? Are you okay? Have you eaten? How's Riley?" Buffy frowned after a beat. "That wasn't really small talk, was it? Okay, see, this is why I didn't even try and ease into small talk. I've lost the touch."

"You have lost the touch for a rational and less overexciteable conversation, oui," Blaise agreed as he started to scale the main ornate staircase to the upper levels of the manor. "If I knew I was going to be interrogated, I would have brought my attorney," he added, pressing his lips together as he glanced at her again. "It was merely business. Nothing you should be concerned about. There has been no change in anything at this stage. He is being well taken care of by the military physicians. You cannot enquire as to Sergeant Finn's wellbeing directly to him?"

Buffy made a show of taking a deep breath as she still kept a hold of Blaise's hand, taking the fact he hadn't pulled away yet as a good sign. "Is it okay if I join you? Better I ask now than never, right? You just made a joke. Cute," she added as she gave him a wry smile. "I'm not trying to interrogate you, but she's going to be wondering who the hell we are just as much as I'm wondering who she is. Plus she gave me the Kindred eyeball. Do I smell? Can Kindred really sense the... Slayerness?" She looked down at the stairs as she followed him and shook her head. "No, I can't. I think maybe Riley just needs his space, and I get that. I hurt him a lot. I should have just stayed away from him to start with."

"As you wish," Blaise replied as he made it to the next floor where his quarters were. The walls of the hall were lined with original artwork of an array of differents portraits and scenes. To Blaise it was one place that seemed to breach the centuries he had survived. He never tired of taking in the interior of his home, even if a lot of it has been modernised as the years ticked by. He nearly rolled his eyes at both the cute comments and the query about the Kindred sense. Maybe where she was from, vampires weren't allowed senses of humour, either. "Of course we cannot. And this will sound blunt, but we do not care what you are in essence. We are surrounded by killers all the time, just with varied degrees of intent. Trust me, it would be ultimately irrelevant to Emmeline if you are a Slayer or not, and I do not intend that to be so blunt, yet it is the truth."

Buffy turned her head to trail her eyes over the artwork. She was getting more and more used to the inside of Blaise's home. She still felt like an impostor in it. "My Mom was a curator for a gallery. That was the whole reason we moved to Sunnydale. She got the job, and it was a great chance for her. I remember our house always being filled with a lot of strange art. She turned my room into a storage place when I went to college. I came home one day after having a seriously bad couple of days and just needed to be home, but... hello crates and artwork. No bed, no safe zone." Her gaze flicked to Blaise and she looked at him apologetically. Again, she'd managed to stick her foot in it when it came to Kindred. "She would have really loved this place. What is relevant to Emmeline, then?"

They were about to pass Blaise's sitting room, but instead of going on from it, he gestured to the door and went inside. On the bookshelf, there was a generous pile of magazines and he selected the one from the top - the previous month's French Vogue - and came back to stand in front of Buffy. He held it up, revealing a gorgeous photo of Emmeline adored in a slinky gold dress with a gorgeous hat that could only be fresh off the catwalks with one of this season's line. "Emmeline is what is relevant to Emmeline. First and foremost. Yet she has a passion for life quite unlike I have ever seen before." Once Buffy had the magazine in her hands, Blaise took four more of them from the pile, all with Emmeline gracing the front cover. "Like Juliette, she is the epitome of Toreador."

Buffy's eyebrows went up. "Oh wow... I just realised now why she seemed a little familiar. Only I was too busy staring her down," she admitted sheepishly. "She's gorgeous. So did Juliette Embrace her? Or she was Embraced by another Toreador? Did she want it?" Buffy opened up the magazine and flicked to the spread featuring Emmeline as she made her way to one of the chairs and sat down to just stare at the beautiful Kindred in awe. "You know what? I'd be a supermodel too if I was Kindred and looked like her..."

"That is correct. Juliette is her Sire. Emmeline is one of those who had her heart set on joining our world. She knew what she wanted, and indeed, she always does. Her Clan was never in question. She has always been artistic, yet in this case, her medium is herself and her own beauty." Blaise loosened the top couple of buttons on his shirt and removed his jacket before he sunk down into one of the arm chairs. It was a relief to have the weight off his feet, and he fought the urge to select the sofa and curl up in a ball to sleep on it. "Just for the record, a Kindred will always win a staring contest," he said with a smirk.

Buffy glanced over at him and flashed him a smile before she started to laugh. "No need to blink to moisten the eyeballs, right? I get it... I'll have to avoid the staring contests from now on. At least until I feel like going with dry eyes. Maybe it'll be the new black? Does she have a mate? Or a lover?" Buffy looked down at the images again, studying the Kindred closely without fear of being stared back at, or questioned. "You never told me if you were okay," she reminded him softly. "Any blood leaking from places it shouldn't?"

Blaise adjusted the cushions in behind his back to find a more comfortable position. "She does not need a mate, and she has many lovers," he replied honestly, even if it seemed like an evasive answer. In a sense, it was, but he was still being completely open and honest with her. "She is a typical supermodel, she just has a lot more learned grace than about all of them. She works that scene to her advantage to keep The Masquerade's secrets woven tight. She is an asset in my inner circle. I never told you because I am not. But I am upright, so that is a plus. The biggest hurdle is retaining healthy blood that I feed on. I need to build a tolerance. Again, it is not unlike food poisoning for a mortal."

"I can't exactly blame her. She's... She's amazing. Just like you. Wait, is she family? Like proper family?" Buffy's green eyes studied Emmeline's features before she looked up to study Blaise's. There was something in their looks that she couldn't quite put her finger on. Something that could be thought of as a family resemblance. "Does she live here? I'm sorry, I don't mean to be quizzing you so much. Emmeline's just this new enigma that I want to know about. I feel like she's a piece of your puzzle." Buffy put the magazine down in her lap as she leaned forward to study Blaise. "Do you need someone to eat now?"

Blaise looked down at the magazine. "She is the ultimate bitch," he admitted with a slight laugh. "But then, every Kindred has that in them. She is just not afraid to use it when the urge takes her. Indeed, she is related to me distantly and this is her home. I value my family above all else. She just leads two different lives. Why did I not tell you, you wonder? You never asked of my natural family beyond my parents and my brother, just more my Kindred family. Which is okay. One would assume my family were all deceased." He met her eyes and held her gaze. "Oui. But after how you reacted last time, I have no intention of doing it in your presence."

Buffy gave a nod. "It's true, I did. I didn't really think of any of your family being Embraced. Because you had been Embraced against your will, I just figured there's no way you'd want it for anyone you were related to. Still, she wanted it. You can't really deny her if she's as strong-willed as you say." Buffy played with the corner of the magazine before she realised he wouldn't want it creased and laid her palms flat against the cover. "You forget how I reacted to you feeding on Juliette. I'm not totally against it, you know. I do understand that you need the blood. I was also the one lying in the middle of a crime scene with you last night while you were sick. Blaise, don't write me off so quickly. Please. Eat if you need to, don't mind me."

"I did not want it, and I did deny her," Blaise corrected quietly. That whole period of his life would forever be fresh in his mind. Emmeline was as close to a daughter as he would ever manage to get, and while she had wanted to be Embraced and wanted this life, he had still wanted to protect her innocence from the more harsh and cruel things that came with living the cursed Kindred life. Some took to it like a duck to water, as Emmeline did when it finally occurred, but at the end of the day, you still had to face some horrific things living a life such as this... and Blaise's state at this very point in time was evidence of that. "You tolerated witnessing me feed on Juliette because it was Juliette and you knew it would be insolent to even try and be jealous of me feeding on my mate. I cannot deny that with what has happened, I have become extremely uncertain about exhibiting any of my natural instincts in your presence. I have become extremely uncertain about a lot of things because your responses to them have been all over the place. I find myself fearing how you are going to react to most things. I understand this is my hang up, and I apologise, but that is how I feel. That is why I am not going to sleep with you yet. The emotional rollercoaster is not something I am furnished with the energy to deal with right now. I do not feel like we know each other very well at all, and that, for me, is not something to base a romance on by any means. We simply reach a point now where we decide whether to go forward with this, or just walk away. And I'll be honest, Buffy, if we go forward, you need to leave your hangs up about the other kind of vampires that you have behind. I will not tolerate being continuously compared to them, or to him," he added, knowing that she would understand exactly who he was referring to.

Buffy's eyebrows went up, but then they settled back down. Truth was that reaction made sense for Blaise. He wouldn't want it, just like she'd first thought. Still, this Emmeline really did look at home in her undead skin. "It was neck porn!" Buffy blurted out before she could stop herself. "It wasn't just tolerating it, it was being turned on by it. Riley's the only one I've had issues watching you with, but we covered them. We talked about it. I thought... I thought we were getting somewhere. Not that I'm asking for sex, because I'm not. I know it's better to wait. I'm just saying that you don't have to be scared of how I'm going to react to the real you. Please, Blaise. Don't start holding back. I lost my footing, okay? I came here and the truth was I wasn't as prepared for what would happen as I thought. I didn't expect my past to be here forging a friendship with my future. He's changed, and he's been around Kindred longer than I have, so he's already let go of the vamps we used to deal with. I'm still flushing them from my system, okay? I know the length of time I've been a Slayer is nothing for you, it's like a blip on the forever radar, but for me it's been a long time. I just needed a bit more time to just let it all go. And I've been doing that. I want to go forward with this, Blaise. I want to know each other better. I promise I can go the rest of the evening without mentioning Sunnydale, vamps, or him."

"Ah, but see, Sergeant Finn came into all of this open-minded. You did not," Blaise pointed out to her as he folded his hands and rested them on his stomach now he was relaxed back in the chair. "Ever since I met you, I have felt like I cannot put a single foot right in your presence. If you are not walking away, you are returning my gifts, gracing other men's beds, getting disgusted at my feeding on your friend. I keep waiting for that feeling of uncertainty to change, but the truth of the matter is it just feels like you are not comfortable with any views of the world but your own. That is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a very admirable quality not many people possess. The only problem is, your world is a very, very different place to mine. Have you ever heard of the term 'two worlds colliding'? They are not just fancy lyrics of a song. It is a fact that if two differing sets of beliefs keep clashing, sometimes even love is not enough to breach that. I would be lying if I did not admit that I have been wondering extensively if that could be the case with us. I am not sure you being a Slayer has opened your eyes up to the world... but more blinkered you to other magnifique things out there. These Slayer beliefs are all-encompassing of you, and I am not sure that deep down you do want to let them go at all to ever be comfortable in my world. I get scared, Buffy, just like everyone else, and right now I am scared that you simply hope and want me to be what you think you need because of your past experiences and that maybe after being held by this Angel any less than a vampire seems... boring. When really, perhaps we have no chance of ever being on the same page. Love for me is passionate, and thrilling, and sets me on edge just to think of shared touches. But I am wary to even try anything with you because it seems to just breed negativity. When you told me you were disgusted that day, I just... it really hurt me. I am not trying to make you feel bad, I am merely just trying to open my heart to you here so you can understand my thoughts right now."

"How am I not supposed to feel bad? I hurt you that day... hearing this hurts me. I know I've made mistakes, Blaise, but all I want to do is make it up to you. I went through a period where clearly I wasn't thinking straight, and I'm not going to waste time making more excuses. It was just a series of really big mistakes. And I don't know how to fix it. I get a thrill when I think about touching you, or seeing you. But it's not enough, is it?" Buffy sunk lower in her seat and felt the lump in her throat as she felt an urge to cry. She really did have to wonder how she'd managed to fuck up so royally. How did she become someone that Blaise was wary to touch, or even be near? That the idea of falling in love with her pretty much disgusted him. "I don't want Angel. I haven't even been thinking about him. Not since we established the fact that he was never my true love. I explained the disgusted thing." Buffy hugged her arms around herself tightly as she folded her legs up under her body as well and looked over at Blaise. "Can't our worlds just... bump? What if they bump and then grow together and they don't collide so much?"

Blaise lowered his eyes and looked down at his hands without saying anything at first. Hands of a twenty-seven year old man in his prime, but everyone was warned at some point in their lives to never judge a book by its cover. "But it was still your first reaction and those are almost always the most honest," he said quietly. There was a hint of hunger niggling inside him and he put his fingers to his lips, almost like he was still tasting the tainted blood there. It was like he was starting to forget how to feel normal, that some burning power within him was just lost right now. He felt old. "I do not want them to collide at all, Buffy. For me, it does not work in halves."

Buffy bit down on her lip to stop it from trembling. "I don't want you throwing up because of me for any reason. And I don't want us colliding. I don't want halves. Just please don't forget our first reactions to each other. That night in Edinburgh... Things were a little chaotic then, but there was something. And I think that something just needs a chance. It's still there, I know it is. I don't want you to be something to be disgusted by. And you don't disgust me! You really don't. I was just in shock."

Blaise looked up at her, pulling a slightly wry face and scrunching his nose up a little. "Something until you threw my money back in my face when I was only trying to help you," he reminded her. "Then that necklace. One of the few pieces of my family history I brought with me. I wanted you to have it, but again, threw it in my face. Buffy, I am not human. My emotions and feelings are so much more in the extreme. This all might be tolerable for a mortal romance, but I need unconditional love. All I have felt since I met you is like I have to jump through all these hoops to prove something to you... something I am not even sure of what it is. Shock? Really? Shock, after knowing exactly what I am and how I need to survive? After hearing from Riley himself that I have fed from him? After plainly telling me you have no lingering feelings for him, yet have slept with him when meeting him again? But then you see me in a feeding frenzy, one that has gone horrifically wrong no less, and this makes you feel stronger for me. Yet gestures like gifts of jewellery and offering to get you home safely offend you? Can you not see all these mixed signals you are sending me? Perhaps I have just been Kindred for far too long, but I am exhausted. I cannot see the forest through the trees, as they say. Do I keep going and hoping this is all stops with you when you cease being shocked, confused and stuck on your past? Or do I just... walk away? I think perhaps I am the one at fault here. No one else. I am expecting far too much of you."

"When did I say the jewellery offended me? When did I say offering to get me home did? It didn't. The diamonds just... I thought you'd want them back after what had happened. You couldn't swallow my blood, and then we had that first argument and what else was I supposed to do? I thought I was doing the right thing! And then I wasn't, and I took them with me, because they're diamonds and they came from you, and I wanted to keep them. But at first I didn't think you'd still want them to belong to someone that had offended you so. And the cab money was just me trying to... I don't know. Another fucking mistake. It's not you that has to jump through the hoops, it's me. And I just keep falling flat on my face no matter how hard I try to get it right. Don't you understand? I want to love you, I'm ready to love you... And all I do is just keep giving you reasons to walk away and I hate myself for it. All I heard from Riley was that he let you feed from him to understand the Kindred thing. He didn't tell me about the months of feeding from him until after. Again, I have to point out that I didn't expect to see him here in France and I didn't talk about his friendship with you until after the... sleeping together. The feelings are resolved. He's my past." The lump in Buffy's throat broke and she tried not to become a sobbing mess as the tears started. She couldn't help it. She was at the point of frustration where she knew she was once again not explaining herself very well, and she just couldn't work out when she'd stopped being able to talk like a normal person. And when she'd started to make so many mistakes. "You wanted me to see you, to be part of your world, and I did. That was what the feeding frenzy did for me. Maybe it was a bad time, but isn't loving someone about still caring for them in good times, and bad?"

Blaise put his hands on the arm rests of the the chair and pulled himself up again, realising just in that motion how much the day had taken its toll. He had to even get his bearings for a moment in the new position. He really needed to feed. "Oui... okay... fine..." he said tiredly. Even he in his weakness was forgetting what his point in even talking was anymore. It was just that no matter what he did, he could not shake the sensation she was going to hurt him again. It seemed to increase every time she was in his presence and he didn't know if it was just because she was prominent in his mind when she was. Obviously, considering his error in seeking his prey, his sensations and judgements were all off lately. He wish he could put his finger on what it was, but there was something about her making him scared in general. "Are you keeping any secrets from me, Buffy?" he finally asked her, looking up from his feet to meet her eyes, even if he was making a point of not moving the rest of him to preserve his energy.

Buffy met his gaze with watery green eyes as she reached up to wipe away the tears. She tried to think if there was genuinely something he needed to know. Obviously there were things about her life in Sunnydale they hadn't talked of yet, and probably weren't going to if letting go of her past was such a huge deal. She was scared to even bring up something that happened to her because clearly it wasn't going to be anything he was interested in hearing about. Only as she thought about it, there was nothing that could be termed a secret. She gave a small shake of her head. "No. You need to eat, Blaise. Do you want me to go find someone?"

Blaise gave a small shake of his head. "Non," he murmured and stayed sitting where he was. He cleared his throat softly and figured if anything, a change of subject was in order. He wished to god he could just feel content and happy in this situation. He would have loved to have Buffy be the one, and for things to just be easy and happy between them, but it seemed almost impossible to pull off. He was asking far too much of her. "You should know, that Rory's brother, Logan... his partner is Kindred. A Ventrue. He is also Logan's lover. I would suggest keeping the Slayer tendencies to a minimum around him. They are London-based Secret Intelligence Service. The MI6. They will know about your army in Scotland, or the Ventrue will at the very least. I am unsure of the level of supernatural knowledge Logan has. He has been estranged from Rory for some time."

Buffy breathed out as she tried not to feel like she was getting told off again, or like being a Slayer was suddenly a defect. She uncurled from her spot and set the magazine down on the antique end table next to the chair and walked around slowly as she started to look at the room closely. "Right, sure. Everyone knows about the big bad army... Which I am taking care of, by the way. Not that it matters. And I don't have Slayer tendencies. All I've wanted to do was help a little. But my skills are no good here, so you know... By the way, do you have a gym in this place? Just out of interest. And so I don't go snooping in Kindred rooms. Still, it might be nice to have a chance to talk to Logan about his Kindred lover. Get some inside info. What are you going to do about Logan and Rory and the whole having Rory here thing?"

Blaise just looked at her, suddenly even more convinced they were just fooling themselves here. In fact, it was a miracle he didn't get up and walk out on her at that moment. He was quiet for a long time before he finally answered. "Then go back to Scotland where your skills are good," he told her flatly. "Go on. No one is stopping you. Go and do what you feel your life is solely made for. Go and be The Slayer, do what you feel you do best and what you feel life is all encompassing of. Live by someone else's written lore, do not make any destinies for yourself. It is not like joining a police force or a military department that could make good use of your strength and skills for humans, humanity... anything. Non, being a Slayer must be all there is to life. Of course. Silly me. Go, Buffy. I suddenly cannot see that there is ever going to be anything here that truly makes you happy so long as you feel that I am holding you back from your true destiny. You are going to forever blame me for that, and to think otherwise is fooling yourself. I am forever going to be the one who took you away from that. That is no foundation to base true love on." He lowered his gaze with a small frown, wishing that sad, disappointment didn't come crushing down on him suddenly. It came with almost physical force. "And for the record, there are no 'Kindred rooms' here and I cannot even begin to think what you have constructed in your mind that I would be hiding in such. I opened my home to you, and I have been honest with you about who I am. I may not have brought you into certain City business, I do not even bring Juliette in on a lot of that, but I have not hidden things from you. Go ahead and check every room if you wish. Take your stake if you are so worried."

Buffy frowned as she turned to face him. "Stakes are useless, remember? I don't even carry one anymore. Frisk me if you doubt it. And for the record, I'm not saying that I'm going to go back to Scotland, and I know I haven't grown up in your world, or near your world, but just stop treating me like a child! And stop talking about being the Slayer as a handicap. That's how you make me feel. This is me being honest, okay? You wanted honest." Buffy paced up and down for a bit before she came and sat back down in her chair again as she leaned forward to catch Blaise's gaze. "For years I didn't get outside of Sunnydale. My life was that town. Forgive me if I'm finding it a little hard to not talk about it, or to not talk about being The Slayer. That was a huge part of my life, and I don't live by their lore. I never have. I defied a written prophecy that said I was going to die. I lived. And I kept living. I can't work out if I am supposed to find employment because I don't know if I'm supposed to stay here, or not. I asked about joining Riley's team, but apparently I'm not good enough there either. I died, Blaise. I've given slaying everything, and it's just a bit of a grieving process to realise that, hey I might get a chance here to not have to do that. There are other girls, other worlds." She buried her face in her hands as the tears returned with a vengeance, rolling down thick and fast as she really did start to realise she had a whole new world open to her. Buffy didn't have to stay in Sunnydale because there was no Sunnydale. There wasn't a Hellmouth in France, there wasn't even a demon problem. And if there was, Riley had it under control. Even Blaise might have had it under control. She didn't need to protect the world anymore. Her time was over. "Do you know how long I've waited for this?" she finally asked him quietly.

"Treating you like a child? Do you want a medal for dying? I did not get one, why should you?" Blaise returned, his voice evenly calm. He was trying to keep a hold of his anger, and he was struggling with it. "You are a killer, Buffy. Just like I am. You do not like hearing that. You get indigant about what slaying truly is, but I do not care. In essence, you are a killer. In essence, vampires are killers. It is about what you choose to do with the skills that have been given that is the difference. I am a vampire, yet I do not kill unless it is in the extremest of circumstances. You say you only kill all evil, oui. Then why not kill Angel or Spike? Oh oui, I have heard all about Spike. How long that went on cavorting under a Slayers nose for years on end. Also, I have never once told you not to talk about your home town. Not once. You are intent on forcing me to play some ridiculous bad boy part here. The big bad Prince of Paris against the poor innocent Slayer who can do no wrong. I do not want to know the goddamn fucking Slayer. I want to know Buffy Summers, but so far, I have no idea where she is, or if she even exists anymore. Perhaps she does not, and if she does not, a mere Slayer is not someone I wish to share my love with. I want you Buffy, not what you are. I am not talking of Slayers as if it is a handicap. Are you even listening to a word that comes out of my mouth. I fear you are not. You dissect my words and comments into things that are not even correct and I start to wonder what I am even talking about sometimes. Kindred rooms, Slayer handicaps, this fixation that I have asked you not to talk about Sunnydale... I do not even... I have no words for that. I am at a loss. I have run out of ideas of how to make this work. You are The Slayer. Go be The Slayer. I do not know how long you have been waiting for anything, Buffy. Because every single time I try and help you open your eyes to worlds beyond what you know, you get angry and defensive about slaying to the point it just convinces me it is something you really do not want to walk away from. I am done. I have no fight left in me. I am not enough for you. I am not enough to set you free from the only thing you know. It is the only thing you know because you have never stepped out to know anything else."

"Because I've never had the chance!" Buffy met his gaze again as she looked at him helplessly. "I've never had a future, Blaise. Do you understand what that feels like? Everyone was busy planning it like Mom and Giles with all my higher education, and old guys with magical powers and their prophecies. But I was never going to have one! It's only because of Willow and Xander that I do, and I can't thank them enough. I can't even begin to explain... And I'm supposed to have this sister that I just... I'm glad I'm not in the same country as her. You want to know Buffy Summers, well what does that say about me? I get this magical sister that mystic monks shoved on my doorstep and suddenly I'm not an only child. You want to know why I have so much trouble with this? Because at the end of the day I have never been as in control as I wanted to be and I'm sorry you keep winding up in the firing line. I really am. None of this is your fault. You need to understand that, okay? And seriously, fuck Spike. I was never going to love him. Even more than I could never love Riley. I've had problems, and I've admitted to them." She raised a hand to run her fingers through her hair as she tried to pull herself together, and wondered where the hell all the tears were coming from. She couldn't remember them being there before. "Buffy's dad abandoned her because he thought she was so awesome. Her Mom died of cancer. I've never been good at French, but I aced my SATs. Like, really aced. I dropped out of college, and I've never been in love. That's me. I already warned you about the ice skating movie obsession, and I can't watch a Kung Fu film without picking out the technicalities. And at heart I'm still an only child. And I'm sorry, but you just have to know that if anyone has a chance of getting Buffy Summers, it's you."

With a small sigh, Blaise looked up at Buffy tiredly. "I am trying to give you the chance, Buffy. I am trying so hard. Do I understand what that feels like? Oui. I do. If you are even going to believe me when I say that. I was murdered, I did not just die. My life was stolen from me, and I was left alone to face the horrific transition to Kindredhood. Left without a Sire to guide me. I had to try and survive on my own. Every time I fed, I killed the person I fed from because I did not understand control and I did not understand hunger. I lived like that for years before a Kindred elder connected the dots about my disappearance and helped me. So, oui Buffy, I do understand what it feels like to believe you do not have a future. You had friends, you had a Watcher for guidance. I had nothing, Buffy. My early Kindred days were solitary and terrifying. All this that you are telling me, you can continue to live under the burden of it and live like a victim with the whole world against her. Or you can stop and realise that to get a future and to get a chance, you have to step out and make it yourself. No Watchers, no friends. Just Buffy Summers, calling the shots on her own life. Family and friends should compliment you enough to fall into line beside you when you do make your own choices. That is what life is all about. Whether you are twenty six, or four hundred and eighty eight." He pointed to the magazine. "That there. Emmeline is everything she is because she wanted it all and she stepped out to grab it in both hands. She did not let anyone tell her otherwise. Also? I do not watch Kung Fu movies, full stop."

Buffy pulled her mouth to the side as she nodded in agreement, knowing Blaise was right. She did have to grab the opportunity with both hands. It was just more knowing what she was about to grab that scared her. The last job she'd had had been flipping burgers. After a moment she moved, gently nudging Blaise back against the sofa so she could curl up next to him and slip her arm over his waist. How could the night before when she was lying in a bed soaked with his blood be a perfect night, and every other feature them arguing about her life, and her view of him? Surely last night did actually have to mean she was ready for him, to be with him. Who else would look after a sick Kindred? "You still realise there's probably no getting employment here without another visa and being able to speak French fluently, right? Not just ask someone if they know they have peppers in their pants. I kinda love you a lot for not watching Kung Fu movies." She gave him a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry you got abandoned like that... I believe you, but I know I'll never really be able to imagine what it was like. At least Airlie had Rory, and Emmeline had Juliette... Plus she wanted it. And she would have had you too."

"Or you could just ask Sergeant Finn if there is anyway you can work to working with him. Americans work in France all the time. His operation is highly coverted and specialised, but you would have the skills and state of mind to pull it off. Would you consider joining the military? He might be able to recommend you. Do not forget, manipulation can be a powerful thing. You never know what putting a Kindred in a room with military officials could result in..." Blaise said with a hint of a smirk. The truth was, he could spend merely five minutes in a room with the superiors of Riley's command and have them believing Buffy was already a brand new recruit. He only said he never killed unless it was in the extreme, that didn't mean he wasn't still one of the most succesful and powerful manipulators in Europe when he needed to be. "Amusing if he was to be your boss one day. Emmeline is... from unique blood. It is born in her to be defiant, so to speak."

"I just said he already told me they didn't need me in his unit. I'm not what they're looking for. I guess I'd consider it. Not all of them would be like the Initiative, right? I'm sure you heard all about them, too... I did consider being a cop once. We had this Career Week at school, and there were all these different booths... All these different careers. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Then the trainer tried to kill me... Which is another story entirely. But my point is, maybe. Only I think they'd look down on the attempted murder charges." Buffy caught Blaise's hand and slid her fingers between his slowly as she just indulged in the sudden quiet of the moment. And the fact he was almost smirking. "Why, Monsieur Richelieu, are you offering to use your charms on some military officials, just for little old me?" she asked him in her best Southern accent. "You are just too kind."

"He is pissed off at you, of course that is going to be his first reaction. The dust has settled. His eyes are focused in a different direction. You could try sitting down and talking to him rather than either sleeping together or verbally attacking each other," Blaise suggested, raising his eyebrows a little. "I am merely trying to let you see there are options. This unit is nothing like what this Initiative was, from what I have read. Nothing at all. It spans all of Europe, for one. This is just the headquarters. I would not entrust The Masquerade secrets with anything but the best of protection."

Buffy wiped at her cheeks again before she still as her teeth caught her bottom lip. Working with Riley wasn't the worst idea. And it at least kept her finger on the supernatural pulse. "What if I'm no good at taking orders? And not just because I'm a pain in the ass... How long would I have to train for?"

"Probably around two minutes and thirty seconds if you do not take orders," Blaise joked and then shrugged. "You will have to learn to take them, and to take them from your ex. It would be your choice if you can handle that or not. Perhaps a year or two. I do not know the American military procedures. I do know there are cadets in his unit that started from base-level, however."

Buffy stuck her tongue out at Blaise briefly before she smiled at his joke and then firmly scrunched her nose up. "A year or two... great. What happens if I have to go back to America to train? What if they can't even guarantee me a place here? Would you mind dating military? I know you've been in it and all, but still. Diamonds and cammo aren't exactly a traditional ensemble. And there's still the fact I hate guns."

"Are you really asking me to feed you all the answers on a silver spoon after everything we just covered? You take your life in your hands and you make choices, that is what you do. You hate guns, then this is pointless." Blaise gave a small shrug. He didn't have the energy to keep thumping into her brick walls when he tried to help. "Go and be a florist or a lion tamer."

Buffy nipped playfully at his shoulder through his shirt. "I'm just talking, thinking out loud. I'll see if I can talk to Riley again, even if it's on the phone. Pretty sure he was serious about me never setting foot on the base again. But I would get a cute outfit as a lion tamer. I could wear a top hat and everything."

"Do not do this over the phone. Damn modern technology has taken the personal side out of absolutely everything." Blaise shook his head. "You order pizza over the phone or call for the correct time. You do not ask your ex lover about employment prospects over the phone. He will likely just tell you to go screw yourself. Face him. Off you go then. I am just not sure how a gun is less appealing than a wild animal, to be honest."

Buffy arched her eyebrow. "Are you serious? Wild animals aren't used maliciously to kill people. Much... There's been history of armies strapping bombs to animals, but that's another thing and seriously fucked up. Lions, tigers and bears - oh my - they only attack if provoked. Guns can go off accidentally, they get used with a purpose. And half the time all you hear about is 'friendly fire'. I don't need to be shot by someone on my side! I've already been shot by an enemy. I still remember exactly how it felt, too." Buffy sighed as she slumped a little lower with her head against Blaise's shoulder. "Am I allowed to call him to set up a mutual meeting place?"

"I hear stakes get used with a purpose, too," Blaise added pointed, yet casually. He felt her argument was hypocritical, and it was just in his nature to point that out. "I also hear that magic and spells can hurt a lot more people within a few words than any gun could hope to. So, no preaching to me about weapons, Buffy. Anything in the wrong hands can be used to hurt people. Without guns, Rory would be a rabid Brujah right now. I am thinking without guns and weapons, Riley would be mincemeat by now too. I do not think the military is the place for you, on second thoughts. You have an awful lot of hang ups in that realm. Misunderstood hang ups. It will not do you or him any good to go in with chips on your shoulders. It will just get you hurt. I still think you should try to talk to him, however. Just give him advanced warning. He is exhausted. These past couple of weeks have taken their toll. Hopefully he is being well taken care of."

Buffy frowned again, her gaze boring into the coffee table. She really was getting fed up with being told she had hang ups. She knew better than anyone what dark magicks could do. Her best friend had become 'Darth Rosenberg' as Andrew had called Willow. The Wiccan had nearly destroyed the world with her anger, and magic. Buffy rubbed her fingers against her forehead and she bit back a sigh. "Yeah, hopefully."

Blaise stifled the urge to roll his eyes and instead shifted away and stood up. "I am going. I need sustenance and rest. Be careful of those Kindred rooms. Hopefully they do not bite you," he added wryly when he picked up his suit jacket and slung it over his arm.

"I'll try not to attack the shadows, either. You know, just in case those Slayer tendencies kick in," Buffy replied as she stood up and smoothed her palms down over her jeans to take the crinkles out as best she could. "Bon buit, Blaise."

Blaise paused at the door with a small smirk. "You could try, mon cherie," he told her quietly and then left the sitting room. As soon as he got outside the door, though, he had to lean against the wall and rub a hand over his face when a strange sense of dizziness overcame him again. Something needed to give here, it really did. He just hoped it wouldn't turn out to be his life.