musesandlyrics | 9.10. REO Speedwagon lyrics
9.10. I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show
Can’t Fight This Feeling - REO Speedwagon
Co-written with obscuritenoire
[Follows THIS]
It had been a long day, and luckily one Blaise and Juliette had managed to stay stuck in the military facility tying up loose ends over the attack on Rory Buchanan. The Scot's condition was still up in the air, although thankfully there had been no complications. It was such a relief to finally get back to his home, that Blaise had excused himself from their pile of houseguests and went to his quarters. He had one of his 'assistants' brought to him for sustenance to regain a little of his strength that was waning as the day came to a close. He took a long shower, thankful to be out of the suit he had been stuck in all day, and was now dressed in a pair of black silk pyjama pants and a white t-shirt that hugged his body. He was ready for rest, and had been anticipating it for most of the day, but first he had to relax and switch off. All he yearned for right then was a little bit of peace.
He nursed a wine glass in his hand containing a fresh source of blood, though of course it was easy to be mistake as red wine. It was late, and the mansion was quiet, most of the staff already having been dismissed for the night for their own rest. Blaise's hair was still damp, merely brushed back out of his face. He was free of any jewellery save for his ring. These were the times he could really relax, in his own home away from prying eyes, and these were the times he valued the most. He didn't have to worry about the mask, or the masquerade he paraded in. He could just be himself. Riley and his team were under strict orders to notify him of changes or developments in the case at the first instance, but nothing was anticipated. Rory was unconscious and under close watch of the military medical staff, and there had been no signs of any further attacks. This was as relaxed as Blaise could afford to be right now, though inevitably he was still discontent over the whole confusing situation. He just wished it hadn't had to have been human... a mortal... Rory... who had been so seriously hurt by Kindred. Situations like this were always ones that cut Blaise the most, and made him feel like he was failing in his duties.
He couldn't be sure what it was that took him to the library, but that was where he ended up. Sure, there was a massive television in the entertainment room he could indulge in, or there was a pool table in the bar area. There were any number of ways to have fun and relax, but Blaise could never entirely escape his roots and his heritage. He couldn't escape the fact he was born in 1522 and although he had come to adapt to the treasures of modern times, he would still always be traditional at heart. Sitting on one of the large, plush sofas by the window with a book open in his lap, Blaise nursed the glass to his chest and was soon lost deep in his own thoughts as he gazed out the window into the darkened gardens of his home. It was a clear night, the sky full of stars. It would be hard to mistake the fact that evil really did exist. It was only when a noise behind him broke him out of his thoughts that he looked over his shoulder to find Buffy in the doorway. He didn't know whether she was lost or actually seeking him out, but it didn't matter so much. He cleared his throat and closed the book over. "Bonsoir, mademoiselle," he said quietly.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't sure if..." Buffy was about to say she wasn't sure if he wanted to be alone, but she bit down on her lip to stop herself. The Slayer had discarded her clothes in favour of comfort and currently stood in something that was at odds with her surroundings. The tiny blonde had her hair loose around her shoulders and was wearing pyjama pants with little frogs on them, and a white tank top. She even dared to go barefooted but she couldn't help it. It was actually nice to get the boots off and just relax. Despite everything, she just wanted to be at home.
Buffy came further into the library and walked softly to where Blaise was sitting and joined him without waiting for an invitation this time. She touched his arm lightly, a small shiver going down her spine as she felt that moment of contact between her fingertips and his skin. The silk pants and white t-shirt were doing amazing things for him, so it was hard not to admire his body even if he was sitting. Her green eyes flicked to the cover of his book but then they were right back on his face. "Are you okay?"
Blaise gave a small nod, glancing at her fingers on his skin before he looked up to meet her gaze again. "Oui. Ça va très bien. Et toi?" he replied and then gestured to her with the wine glass. "And you?" he added in English. He sat forward a little to shift the book from his lap to the table. It wasn't like he had been reading it anyway. The thought to do so had been there, but he hadn't been able to concentrate on the French text. "Is the guest room adequate for you? I assume Xander and Airlie are comfortable also?"
"Hey, I get the whole et toi thing. I'm not that deficient in French. I mean, if you ever need to ask me where the monkey left his pants I can probably give you the answer," Buffy told him with a small smile. Her mangled French sentences were practically legendary. "I'm... getting there. I'm worried about Rory, obviously. And a few things keep swirling around in my head. You know when you just can't stop thinking about something, and no matter how hard you try to distract yourself it's just always there. But talking to Willow and Giles helped a bit. I, um... I asked them to look into reversing the spell we did to bring all the Slayers into existence. They shouldn't really exist. There's a reason there was only ever one, right?" She let out a breath when she realised she'd been talking for too long, and the hand on his slid down to take his hand. "The guest room is wonderful. It's the best place I've stayed in for a long time. I can't even begin to tell you... I feel like a princess. I think Xander and Airlie are definitely testing out the quality of the mattress, so they're good. How's Juliette?"
Blaise listened quietly and took a sip from his glass. "And if you do reverse the spell, will you not be putting your friends out of a job? Everyone needs a purpose in life, it just varies in degrees from person to person. The man at the traffic lights washing windows for spare change might see his purpose just as valued as a pilot for British Airways. Both play a part in safe travel, after all," he reasoned. "Then of course, there is a lot of magic in France, if you know where to look. Perhaps they might feel more at home here. Indeed, I do know what it is like to not stop thinking. The story of my life. For I stop thinking, and I die, plain and simple. I am glad you are comfortable. Juliette is resting. She feels much guilt over what occured. It is an emotion difficult to avoid at this juncture."
Buffy frowned as she listened to Blaise, her thumb rubbing idly against the back of his hand. She looked down at her painted toenails before she lifted her legs up to cross them under her. "They've always had a job with me. I can't not have the Scoobies around me. I wouldn't have gotten this far without them. I wouldn't even be alive still if it wasn't for Xander that first time. And they all brought me back the second time. Maybe I resented it at first, but now I don't. I'm still alive, I get to keep living. The only people that would get hurt from reversing the spell would be the Slayerettes. I just don't know what to do. You're right that what is effectively an army poses a threat to Kindred. The wrong Slayer finds out, and the jig's up." She looked up into his eyes again, relieved to see they were blue and not silver. They still drew her in. It was the first thing she had been attracted to. Being in Blaise's presence again made her remember that first night they met. No wonder she was never going to shake free of her attract for him. "It wasn't really her fault. She was doing what she thought was right. She would never have known what was coming. Please don't stop thinking," she added quietly as an afterthought.
"That does not matter, mon cherie. A Kindred takes great pride and importance in protecting a mortal they bring into their favour. Whether it be as a friend or as a lover. She did not accept him when he came to visit her, so of course, she is going to blame herself for this. She will feel better when he is here and healing. For now, she will be feeling some of his pain just from sensing it in his presence. Sexual connection is not the only thing a Kindred can sense. We sense pain, fear, distress, love, embarrassment. Which indeed makes us sound like voyeurs, non. But we do not walk around just sensing everyone around us. It's born from a connection of some sort. For example, Airlie's connection to both Rory and Xander would have likely had her sensing that you..." He gestured with his fingers before he kept a loose grip on his glass. "We just feel it stronger in those we are more connected to. A complete stranger's feelings are irrelevant to us. If that makes sense. In saying that, we do sense our enemies, or we would not be as strong a race as we are. Juliette will feel better when she can deduce that Rory will be okay. Unfortunately, even when he wakes, all she is going to deeply sense is unrest. The emotions of a rebel Brujah are not something I would wish on anyone. Least of all your friend, who has already felt so much pain in his life. I pray he will have the strength to fight past it. If it gets too bad, there are... avenues to counteract it. And I had hoped you would one day see my view point in regards to your... colleagues. You should also understand that Airlie is going to feel a deep discontent around you, as a Childer. She has yet to hone skills to protect herself from threat. I believe it is why Rory has stepped up to the plate, but I need to speak more to her."
Buffy bit back an angry retort about her always seeing things his way, but she didn't want to spoil the moment. She had always had doubts about the Slayerettes, but she just hadn't had the right frame of mind to try and deal with it until now. Even contemplating the reversal of the spell had her nervous, but she'd found Giles and Willow surprisingly receptive. They'd just wanted her to be sure. Maybe it was also just a case of Buffy needing to keep her options open. If she could at least have the safety of knowing that things could be reversed, she might find the strength to take charge again. "Yeah, she kinda already made comment about the sex smell. Kinda makes it hard to lie to a Kindred though, doesn't it? Especially one you know. One there's a connection with. What can you smell with me?" She arched her eyebrow as she listened carefully, her head tilted to one side. "'Avenues'? Why does that sound just a little bit ominous, or like one of those misleading military terms. I mean, really - friendly fire? Who are they trying to kid. How long did it take you to stop being a Childer?"
Blaise quirked his eyebrow a little, seeing some sort of reaction in her, but he didn't comment on it. When she didn't mention her army again, he deduced it was about that, and he wasn't exactly sure what she expected after just blatantly admitting they could, indeed, be a threat. "It is not a 'smell'. It is a sense. It does not make it hard to lie to a Kindred at all. We get a sensation, we do not get a little slideshow of everything that has occurred. I knew you have been intimate with both men, but for all I knew, it could have just been a drunken Ménage à trois. I know it was not, though, because I know of Sergeant Finn's nature, and I could sense deeper feelings of both of you. I can only sense an irritated yet subdued anger within you right now. But that could be for any number of reasons which I am not privvy to. I was not attempting to mislead you. If you stop and think about it, you could probably deduce what I am indicating. It is just not something he would agree to. I suffered severely in my death. It was a vicious Embrace. It took me around five years to start really understanding what I was."
Buffy leaned back against the sofa as she tucked her hands into her lap, and looked down at them. "I was just thinking that I never denied them being a threat. I just hoped that you would have had some faith in me leading them, but you don't exactly have proof that I know what I'm doing. You could always read about my exploits. All Watchers keep journals on their Slayers. I'm sure Giles has a Buffy book stashed somewhere. Only, the truth is... I don't know if I can lead them. My heart's not really in it right now. I don't feel comfortable knowing that I really do have this army under my command when it wasn't really what I intended, but what else are we supposed to do with this many Slayers? Now I just need to fix it..." Buffy crinkled her nose a little before she glanced back up at Blaise. "I've never been involved in a threesome. Doesn't mean I haven't thought about it. Or rather dreamed about it, but no actual threesomes occurring. You mean him being Embraced, don't you? By someone that isn't Brujah."
"I never once said I did not have faith in you. Not once. That is a deduction you assumed yourself. I do not, however, have any confidence in the fact that you, one single solitary person, could possibly know the feelings of an entire army of people you are training to be killers. Which is effectively what they are. Just like all of my Kindred are killers, however it is a different situation. We are beasts, you know we are, but I can pride myself on many hundreds of years to weave an intricate web to avoid that we are just killers and only killers in the eyes of the world. Your Slayer Lore, however, is and always has been based on one single solitary Slayer." Blaise gestured to her with his glass and gave a slow nod. "There is nothing to direct an army of them, and I know you are not naive enough to believe that there is a chance that some of those filles may get a taste for the power and use it for wrong. Innocence, not just Kindred, could be at dire risk. Kindred are not the only beasts who walk this world that have means to be killers, yet no intent to kill. You know there are good demons and bad demons, the same goes for all over supernatural creatures. All it takes is for one of those girls to get a power complex and decide the lines don't matter. Then they just have to convince one other girl, who convinces another. With the power you are training with them, Buffy... I am fearful for my Kind, and I cannot apologise for that. I am extremely fearful. It is my job to ensure they are protected, and if by your choice it comes down to Kindred versus Slayer, here, I will choose my Kind every single time. That is also not something I can apologise for. I am a Kindred Prince, Buffy. This is my existence. You cannot deny them being a threat, then I have to prepare for that. But you..." he added, and touched her arm with the backs of his fingers, "keep assuming when I talk of Slayer threat that I am talking of threat by you. Are you a threat to me and my Kind, Buffy? Because I have trusted that you are not. If I thought you were, you would not even know I exist. I believe you have higher beliefs far above just eradicating beasts from walking the earth. You are not hungry for power and you have a heart. See? I do listen to you. I have listened to every single word you have said to me since we met."
He paused, again taking another sip from his glass when he looked out the window for a few moments. "Of course I do not mean Embracing him. Any effects he has from this attack are temporary, I would never allow such an horrific fix for a temporary reaction. To let another more powerful Kindred feed from him to near draining, however. It would counteract the Brujah attack. Rory would take on the traits of the Clan from the second drain. It would be risky on his life, however if he is harbouring inate fury and anger, he could already be a risk to himself as it is. Or to others, however I will attempt to avoid that by keeping him here on my estate."
"Oh," was all Buffy could say as she held his gaze and another shiver rolled down her spine. She couldn't help it. As much as she'd fallen drunkenly into bed with Rory, and then slept with Riley, they were different. Riley really was comfortable. He was everything she should have wanted, he was her past. Blaise made her tingle. He had all her senses on red alert and had her feeling fluttery at the concept of his touch. And she wanted more. She always wanted more. She also knew that when he said he had listened to every word she'd said, he wasn't lying. Of course she just felt stupid now. All her assumptions really had just made an ass out of her. "No, I'm not a threat. Of course I'm not a threat. If a faction of Slayers rose up against you I'd go after them, not Kindred. It's just hard to sit on the sidelines though when there are Kindred going after my friends. A friend. But this is your city, and I said I'd respect that. Blaise, I--" she broke off, not really sure exactly what she wanted to tell him. She just knew that the tingles had taken on a warmth, and the fact that he did have faith in her to at least trust that she wasn't a threat made her relieved. Maybe she really was ready for love this time.
Her brow creased slightly as she watched him and then looked down at his glass. She wasn't foolish enough to assume it was really red wine. Blaise had that after feeding glow to him. "You're right, he'd never agree to that. But if he's going to wake up as angry and cranky as everyone seems to think, then the choice won't really be up to him, will it?"
"And for that, you need to trust me to do my job," Blaise replied quietly, yet pointedly. "And understand that there is still a chance that a risk of Slayer presence in Paris could be what angered my Kindred. It's is a Catch 22, Buffy. We are from two completely different worlds, and any breaches of that are going to come with hurdles. I am extremely regretful and saddened that it came at the cost of Rory getting hurt, but even you know it is impossible to always, one hundred percent, protect those you care about. You can only do so much. There are always going to be things that slip through your fingers. I am not a machine, I am still only one person. And one person who is holding a position that others wish to secure themselves. Any realm will have their defectors."
He fell quiet then and found himself looking at her with uncertainty. He was getting an odd sensation from her that was new, that he hadn't sensed on her before. It was throwing him off, and after a few more moments of studying her with a small frown, he broke the eye contact to glance away to gather his thoughts. If he wasn't so sure he had to be mistaken, he would be thinking right now that Buffy was falling in love... perhaps already having fallen. There wasn't an urge to feed on her yet, but there was an urge taste, at the least. To test the waters. The whole thought just had an anxiety piquing in him. It had to be more than coincidental to Sergeant Finn's presence. "If he is a threat to himself or others, then non. Not on my property. Actions will need to be taken and I prefer not to have him sedated against his will. He will recover better conscious."
Buffy caught the look and she wriggled in her seat a little self-consciously before Blaise went back to discussing business. She had no idea what he was sensing now, but she knew it couldn't have been another man's scent. She also wondered just how long she would smell like Rory and Riley. All she really wanted was to smell like Blaise and she wondered where that even came from. Maybe she was doomed to always fall in love with the undead. At least she understood them, and they understood her. Even if Kindred were still new ground. She shifted to bring her knees up against her chest as her toes curled over the edge of the sofa. "My Mom was the thing that slipped through my fingers. It's not easy knowing you can't fight cancer, that you can't save your own mother. That for as much as you can avert the apocalypse, there will always be the things you cannot fight. Just like it would be hard for Rory to know that his wife and daughter were the things he lost... For the record, I'm also glad that you're not a machine. I've met and had to destroy a demon machine and they're not exactly big on the warm and cuddly front. Maybe you're not so much the Kindred teddy bear, but you're warmer than I ever would have thought, and it's nice."
Blaise wasn't exactly sure if she was complimenting him, or it was a veiled insult. He soon just laughed softly, though. "I was always much more fond of being warm than cold. But the cancer is something I do understand. I lost a lover to cancer once. She was very ill, Embracing to save her was not an option. Her blood was tainted with disease. It would have killed her, and ailed me. Sometimes things are just meant to be beyond us. It is what makes us remain human." He emptied his glass and set it down before relaxing back into the seat. "Sergeant Finn tells me that you were not aware that Rory's friend was Kindred. That must be difficult for you to absorb knowing Xander had not revealed this to you. To know he is walking your road and becoming close to a vampire."
Buffy smiled sheepishly as she started to laugh herself. It really hadn't been an insult. She liked that he was warm. That was one thing she hadn't been able to quite come to terms with. No matter how much Angel, or even Spike, held her they would always be cold. She watched Blaise again before she uncurled herself and slid over to wrap her arm around his waist and rest her head on his chest. "I didn't exactly tell Xander the truth about you either, so I guess it's only fair. I don't think it's my place to judge him on that. In fact, I'm the last person. All I care about is whether or not he's happy, and if he's safe. He was going to marry a demon, so falling in love with a vampire really isn't that much of a jump for Xan. I'm sorry you had to lose a lover to cancer. I know it can't be easy... falling for mortals and watching them die. I don't know how you do it. Have you ever Embraced someone you loved?"
There was a flutter of strangeness inside him when she put her arm around him. If she was falling in love with Riley, this was wrong. Yet Blaise didn't push her away. He just sat on his uncertainty for the moment. It wasn't like they were sleeping together. "Non, I have not. If I had, they would still be with me. Juliette was the closest, but I had a friend Embrace her. She is an artiste. Toreador without a doubt. She would have come to think and feel like a Ventrue, but she was deserved of more beauty and elegance. Now she is my Primogen and the most trusted Toreador in Paris. Her Sire is the Prince of Scotland, a female. A very dear and loyal friend. I cannot assure you that Airlie will not hurt Xander indirectly. She may lose control in a height passion or hunger, but I do know that she will not seriously hurt him. She will sense his distress and pull back. It will be highly tempting for Xander to let her feed on him. She's is a Toreador, she has Presence."
"The voodoo that you do so well," Buffy murmured as she thought about Blaise's ability to draw her in. She had no idea if it was Presence, but it was definitely strong. The fact that he'd had someone else turn Juliette was also telling. She had no illusions about Juliette being his mate, and a part of her was still not sure how she'd go with the sharing, but once Buffy did earn Blaise's trust she was in a position to give him one thing Juliette couldn't right now and that was to be in love with someone. Juliette's attentions were elsewhere anyway with Rory in the picture. Even if Buffy had no idea how that would end up playing out. "I trust her probably as much as I'll trust any vamp in his presence. No offence. It's not like I don't get the allure of being fed on. At least he won't have to worry about whether or not she can digest him. If I was ever going to Embraced, which Clan would I be?"
"Indeed. It is a trait Ventrue share with Toreador. It is often why we end up colleagues or business partners. We are just more shrewd than Toreador, who are more concerned with beauty and creativity." Blaise raised an eyebrow at her and tilted his head a little. "But alas, mon belle, it remains Xander's choice to indulge his lover. He will never be denied intensity in their sexual encounters, and that can be more than many mortal relationships can stake claim to. In fact, she could feed off him every single day at regular intervals, and he would still remain perfectly healthy. It is why many Kindred take mortal lovers. It is a freshness of the sustenance that Kindred cannot entirely offer. It comes with passion and love. All elements we enjoy, and in return we offer a level of ecstasy that humans cannot feel on their own." He didn't miss the dig and merely cleared his throat in response. "I do not know, cherie. I do not know you well enough yet."
Buffy pulled back enough to look up at Blaise, her head now on his shoulder as her arm stayed around his waist. "I'm sorry, that comment wasn't really fair. I guess... I mean, listening to you talk about that kind of relationship between Kindred and Mortal and I just know we're not there yet. There is no there with us because you can't feed on me until I experience true love, and I can't experience true love until you trust me and we do get to know each other better. It's this whole massive catch twenty-two. In fact, it's worse than a catch twenty-two. It's like a catch two hundred and twenty-two."
"Non. It is not," Blaise cut in with a shake of his head. "You are falling into the trap of assuming sex and feeding are the basis of a whole relationship with a Kindred. I believe I have talked about this with you before. It is not, and it is hard when people assume it is. There are more sides to us than needing to drink blood. We can actually survive on very little. The passion and the ecstasy I talk of comes once love is established. A Kindred can interact in a mortal relationship just as a mortal does. With sex alone. Feeding is not a vital necessity. Not everyone likes the notion of being fed on. Look at your Scot. He is a prime example. Perhaps down the track it may come when he truly trusts, but there is no pressure for him to do it. On the same token, Kindred do not need sex to survive. We do it, and we enjoy it, but we do not need it. We never will. When feeding and sex come to cross, it's a huge trust for both parties. But it is still not what love is based on."
Buffy pressed her lips together before she smiled apologetically at him. "I'm sorry. Again. I need to just stop making an ass out of myself with all the assumptions. I just need to keep getting it clear in my head. So just be... patient. Still. Please? You can ask me anything though in turn. This is the part where there's just no holds barred honesty. Messy, scary, honesty."
"I missed the part where I was not being patient, but okay," Blaise agreed freely. He looked down at her, the question on his tongue of whether she was falling in love with her ex again lingering there, but he didn't say it. "It is only a matter of you needing to stop thinking the worst. If you are, at least give us the benefit of the doubt of stopping and realising there might be another explanation. I have been doing this a lot longer than you have been a Slayer, and yet we still exist. I believe we are at least doing something right."
"I added the still," Buffy argued with a slight pout before she hugged him tightly again. Part of her was still wondering what the hell was going on in Blaise's head, but she didn't dare ask. She just needed to have the same faith in him, that he seemed to have in her. "Thank you for protecting us, for taking in my friends."
Blaise nodded a little. "It is nothing, and on that note, cherie, I really must get some rest. As should you. It has been a difficult and emotional day."
Buffy pulled back reluctantly. "Okay, sure. Rest. Absolutely..." She stood up off the sofa before she paused and leaned forward to kiss Blaise's cheek. "Bon nuit, Blaise."
"Je suis désolé, cherie. I did not meant that to sound as if I was dismissing you. I have been very tired lately. Unwell. Perhaps we can talk again tomorrow?" Blaise suggested to her, so she would know he wasn't just cutting her off to get rid of her. He paused before he spoke again, contemplating whether he should add what he was thinking. "I would invite you back to my chambers, but I fear I would not entirely trust myself," he admitted with a small smile.
Buffy looked at him for a moment before she started to laugh. "That really shouldn't have been as comforting as it is, but I'll still take it. There's nothing wrong with waiting, right? I used to be good at that once upon a time. We'll talk tomorrow. I'll make sure you follow through on that. I'll even try not to make it hard on you by wearing something completely slutty. Maybe you could just tide a girl over though, give her a goodnight kiss?" Buffy asked him with a hopeful look.
Blaise stood up slowly and breached the gap between them. "Please do not. Slutty is not something I have ever been overly keen on," he told her quietly and then cupped her chin in his hand and leant in to kiss her softly. He let it linger, his tongue softly sweeping against her lower lip before he broke it again with another smile. "Bon nuit, mon belle."
Words: 5648
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show
Can’t Fight This Feeling - REO Speedwagon
Co-written with obscuritenoire
[Follows THIS]
It had been a long day, and luckily one Blaise and Juliette had managed to stay stuck in the military facility tying up loose ends over the attack on Rory Buchanan. The Scot's condition was still up in the air, although thankfully there had been no complications. It was such a relief to finally get back to his home, that Blaise had excused himself from their pile of houseguests and went to his quarters. He had one of his 'assistants' brought to him for sustenance to regain a little of his strength that was waning as the day came to a close. He took a long shower, thankful to be out of the suit he had been stuck in all day, and was now dressed in a pair of black silk pyjama pants and a white t-shirt that hugged his body. He was ready for rest, and had been anticipating it for most of the day, but first he had to relax and switch off. All he yearned for right then was a little bit of peace.
He nursed a wine glass in his hand containing a fresh source of blood, though of course it was easy to be mistake as red wine. It was late, and the mansion was quiet, most of the staff already having been dismissed for the night for their own rest. Blaise's hair was still damp, merely brushed back out of his face. He was free of any jewellery save for his ring. These were the times he could really relax, in his own home away from prying eyes, and these were the times he valued the most. He didn't have to worry about the mask, or the masquerade he paraded in. He could just be himself. Riley and his team were under strict orders to notify him of changes or developments in the case at the first instance, but nothing was anticipated. Rory was unconscious and under close watch of the military medical staff, and there had been no signs of any further attacks. This was as relaxed as Blaise could afford to be right now, though inevitably he was still discontent over the whole confusing situation. He just wished it hadn't had to have been human... a mortal... Rory... who had been so seriously hurt by Kindred. Situations like this were always ones that cut Blaise the most, and made him feel like he was failing in his duties.
He couldn't be sure what it was that took him to the library, but that was where he ended up. Sure, there was a massive television in the entertainment room he could indulge in, or there was a pool table in the bar area. There were any number of ways to have fun and relax, but Blaise could never entirely escape his roots and his heritage. He couldn't escape the fact he was born in 1522 and although he had come to adapt to the treasures of modern times, he would still always be traditional at heart. Sitting on one of the large, plush sofas by the window with a book open in his lap, Blaise nursed the glass to his chest and was soon lost deep in his own thoughts as he gazed out the window into the darkened gardens of his home. It was a clear night, the sky full of stars. It would be hard to mistake the fact that evil really did exist. It was only when a noise behind him broke him out of his thoughts that he looked over his shoulder to find Buffy in the doorway. He didn't know whether she was lost or actually seeking him out, but it didn't matter so much. He cleared his throat and closed the book over. "Bonsoir, mademoiselle," he said quietly.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't sure if..." Buffy was about to say she wasn't sure if he wanted to be alone, but she bit down on her lip to stop herself. The Slayer had discarded her clothes in favour of comfort and currently stood in something that was at odds with her surroundings. The tiny blonde had her hair loose around her shoulders and was wearing pyjama pants with little frogs on them, and a white tank top. She even dared to go barefooted but she couldn't help it. It was actually nice to get the boots off and just relax. Despite everything, she just wanted to be at home.
Buffy came further into the library and walked softly to where Blaise was sitting and joined him without waiting for an invitation this time. She touched his arm lightly, a small shiver going down her spine as she felt that moment of contact between her fingertips and his skin. The silk pants and white t-shirt were doing amazing things for him, so it was hard not to admire his body even if he was sitting. Her green eyes flicked to the cover of his book but then they were right back on his face. "Are you okay?"
Blaise gave a small nod, glancing at her fingers on his skin before he looked up to meet her gaze again. "Oui. Ça va très bien. Et toi?" he replied and then gestured to her with the wine glass. "And you?" he added in English. He sat forward a little to shift the book from his lap to the table. It wasn't like he had been reading it anyway. The thought to do so had been there, but he hadn't been able to concentrate on the French text. "Is the guest room adequate for you? I assume Xander and Airlie are comfortable also?"
"Hey, I get the whole et toi thing. I'm not that deficient in French. I mean, if you ever need to ask me where the monkey left his pants I can probably give you the answer," Buffy told him with a small smile. Her mangled French sentences were practically legendary. "I'm... getting there. I'm worried about Rory, obviously. And a few things keep swirling around in my head. You know when you just can't stop thinking about something, and no matter how hard you try to distract yourself it's just always there. But talking to Willow and Giles helped a bit. I, um... I asked them to look into reversing the spell we did to bring all the Slayers into existence. They shouldn't really exist. There's a reason there was only ever one, right?" She let out a breath when she realised she'd been talking for too long, and the hand on his slid down to take his hand. "The guest room is wonderful. It's the best place I've stayed in for a long time. I can't even begin to tell you... I feel like a princess. I think Xander and Airlie are definitely testing out the quality of the mattress, so they're good. How's Juliette?"
Blaise listened quietly and took a sip from his glass. "And if you do reverse the spell, will you not be putting your friends out of a job? Everyone needs a purpose in life, it just varies in degrees from person to person. The man at the traffic lights washing windows for spare change might see his purpose just as valued as a pilot for British Airways. Both play a part in safe travel, after all," he reasoned. "Then of course, there is a lot of magic in France, if you know where to look. Perhaps they might feel more at home here. Indeed, I do know what it is like to not stop thinking. The story of my life. For I stop thinking, and I die, plain and simple. I am glad you are comfortable. Juliette is resting. She feels much guilt over what occured. It is an emotion difficult to avoid at this juncture."
Buffy frowned as she listened to Blaise, her thumb rubbing idly against the back of his hand. She looked down at her painted toenails before she lifted her legs up to cross them under her. "They've always had a job with me. I can't not have the Scoobies around me. I wouldn't have gotten this far without them. I wouldn't even be alive still if it wasn't for Xander that first time. And they all brought me back the second time. Maybe I resented it at first, but now I don't. I'm still alive, I get to keep living. The only people that would get hurt from reversing the spell would be the Slayerettes. I just don't know what to do. You're right that what is effectively an army poses a threat to Kindred. The wrong Slayer finds out, and the jig's up." She looked up into his eyes again, relieved to see they were blue and not silver. They still drew her in. It was the first thing she had been attracted to. Being in Blaise's presence again made her remember that first night they met. No wonder she was never going to shake free of her attract for him. "It wasn't really her fault. She was doing what she thought was right. She would never have known what was coming. Please don't stop thinking," she added quietly as an afterthought.
"That does not matter, mon cherie. A Kindred takes great pride and importance in protecting a mortal they bring into their favour. Whether it be as a friend or as a lover. She did not accept him when he came to visit her, so of course, she is going to blame herself for this. She will feel better when he is here and healing. For now, she will be feeling some of his pain just from sensing it in his presence. Sexual connection is not the only thing a Kindred can sense. We sense pain, fear, distress, love, embarrassment. Which indeed makes us sound like voyeurs, non. But we do not walk around just sensing everyone around us. It's born from a connection of some sort. For example, Airlie's connection to both Rory and Xander would have likely had her sensing that you..." He gestured with his fingers before he kept a loose grip on his glass. "We just feel it stronger in those we are more connected to. A complete stranger's feelings are irrelevant to us. If that makes sense. In saying that, we do sense our enemies, or we would not be as strong a race as we are. Juliette will feel better when she can deduce that Rory will be okay. Unfortunately, even when he wakes, all she is going to deeply sense is unrest. The emotions of a rebel Brujah are not something I would wish on anyone. Least of all your friend, who has already felt so much pain in his life. I pray he will have the strength to fight past it. If it gets too bad, there are... avenues to counteract it. And I had hoped you would one day see my view point in regards to your... colleagues. You should also understand that Airlie is going to feel a deep discontent around you, as a Childer. She has yet to hone skills to protect herself from threat. I believe it is why Rory has stepped up to the plate, but I need to speak more to her."
Buffy bit back an angry retort about her always seeing things his way, but she didn't want to spoil the moment. She had always had doubts about the Slayerettes, but she just hadn't had the right frame of mind to try and deal with it until now. Even contemplating the reversal of the spell had her nervous, but she'd found Giles and Willow surprisingly receptive. They'd just wanted her to be sure. Maybe it was also just a case of Buffy needing to keep her options open. If she could at least have the safety of knowing that things could be reversed, she might find the strength to take charge again. "Yeah, she kinda already made comment about the sex smell. Kinda makes it hard to lie to a Kindred though, doesn't it? Especially one you know. One there's a connection with. What can you smell with me?" She arched her eyebrow as she listened carefully, her head tilted to one side. "'Avenues'? Why does that sound just a little bit ominous, or like one of those misleading military terms. I mean, really - friendly fire? Who are they trying to kid. How long did it take you to stop being a Childer?"
Blaise quirked his eyebrow a little, seeing some sort of reaction in her, but he didn't comment on it. When she didn't mention her army again, he deduced it was about that, and he wasn't exactly sure what she expected after just blatantly admitting they could, indeed, be a threat. "It is not a 'smell'. It is a sense. It does not make it hard to lie to a Kindred at all. We get a sensation, we do not get a little slideshow of everything that has occurred. I knew you have been intimate with both men, but for all I knew, it could have just been a drunken Ménage à trois. I know it was not, though, because I know of Sergeant Finn's nature, and I could sense deeper feelings of both of you. I can only sense an irritated yet subdued anger within you right now. But that could be for any number of reasons which I am not privvy to. I was not attempting to mislead you. If you stop and think about it, you could probably deduce what I am indicating. It is just not something he would agree to. I suffered severely in my death. It was a vicious Embrace. It took me around five years to start really understanding what I was."
Buffy leaned back against the sofa as she tucked her hands into her lap, and looked down at them. "I was just thinking that I never denied them being a threat. I just hoped that you would have had some faith in me leading them, but you don't exactly have proof that I know what I'm doing. You could always read about my exploits. All Watchers keep journals on their Slayers. I'm sure Giles has a Buffy book stashed somewhere. Only, the truth is... I don't know if I can lead them. My heart's not really in it right now. I don't feel comfortable knowing that I really do have this army under my command when it wasn't really what I intended, but what else are we supposed to do with this many Slayers? Now I just need to fix it..." Buffy crinkled her nose a little before she glanced back up at Blaise. "I've never been involved in a threesome. Doesn't mean I haven't thought about it. Or rather dreamed about it, but no actual threesomes occurring. You mean him being Embraced, don't you? By someone that isn't Brujah."
"I never once said I did not have faith in you. Not once. That is a deduction you assumed yourself. I do not, however, have any confidence in the fact that you, one single solitary person, could possibly know the feelings of an entire army of people you are training to be killers. Which is effectively what they are. Just like all of my Kindred are killers, however it is a different situation. We are beasts, you know we are, but I can pride myself on many hundreds of years to weave an intricate web to avoid that we are just killers and only killers in the eyes of the world. Your Slayer Lore, however, is and always has been based on one single solitary Slayer." Blaise gestured to her with his glass and gave a slow nod. "There is nothing to direct an army of them, and I know you are not naive enough to believe that there is a chance that some of those filles may get a taste for the power and use it for wrong. Innocence, not just Kindred, could be at dire risk. Kindred are not the only beasts who walk this world that have means to be killers, yet no intent to kill. You know there are good demons and bad demons, the same goes for all over supernatural creatures. All it takes is for one of those girls to get a power complex and decide the lines don't matter. Then they just have to convince one other girl, who convinces another. With the power you are training with them, Buffy... I am fearful for my Kind, and I cannot apologise for that. I am extremely fearful. It is my job to ensure they are protected, and if by your choice it comes down to Kindred versus Slayer, here, I will choose my Kind every single time. That is also not something I can apologise for. I am a Kindred Prince, Buffy. This is my existence. You cannot deny them being a threat, then I have to prepare for that. But you..." he added, and touched her arm with the backs of his fingers, "keep assuming when I talk of Slayer threat that I am talking of threat by you. Are you a threat to me and my Kind, Buffy? Because I have trusted that you are not. If I thought you were, you would not even know I exist. I believe you have higher beliefs far above just eradicating beasts from walking the earth. You are not hungry for power and you have a heart. See? I do listen to you. I have listened to every single word you have said to me since we met."
He paused, again taking another sip from his glass when he looked out the window for a few moments. "Of course I do not mean Embracing him. Any effects he has from this attack are temporary, I would never allow such an horrific fix for a temporary reaction. To let another more powerful Kindred feed from him to near draining, however. It would counteract the Brujah attack. Rory would take on the traits of the Clan from the second drain. It would be risky on his life, however if he is harbouring inate fury and anger, he could already be a risk to himself as it is. Or to others, however I will attempt to avoid that by keeping him here on my estate."
"Oh," was all Buffy could say as she held his gaze and another shiver rolled down her spine. She couldn't help it. As much as she'd fallen drunkenly into bed with Rory, and then slept with Riley, they were different. Riley really was comfortable. He was everything she should have wanted, he was her past. Blaise made her tingle. He had all her senses on red alert and had her feeling fluttery at the concept of his touch. And she wanted more. She always wanted more. She also knew that when he said he had listened to every word she'd said, he wasn't lying. Of course she just felt stupid now. All her assumptions really had just made an ass out of her. "No, I'm not a threat. Of course I'm not a threat. If a faction of Slayers rose up against you I'd go after them, not Kindred. It's just hard to sit on the sidelines though when there are Kindred going after my friends. A friend. But this is your city, and I said I'd respect that. Blaise, I--" she broke off, not really sure exactly what she wanted to tell him. She just knew that the tingles had taken on a warmth, and the fact that he did have faith in her to at least trust that she wasn't a threat made her relieved. Maybe she really was ready for love this time.
Her brow creased slightly as she watched him and then looked down at his glass. She wasn't foolish enough to assume it was really red wine. Blaise had that after feeding glow to him. "You're right, he'd never agree to that. But if he's going to wake up as angry and cranky as everyone seems to think, then the choice won't really be up to him, will it?"
"And for that, you need to trust me to do my job," Blaise replied quietly, yet pointedly. "And understand that there is still a chance that a risk of Slayer presence in Paris could be what angered my Kindred. It's is a Catch 22, Buffy. We are from two completely different worlds, and any breaches of that are going to come with hurdles. I am extremely regretful and saddened that it came at the cost of Rory getting hurt, but even you know it is impossible to always, one hundred percent, protect those you care about. You can only do so much. There are always going to be things that slip through your fingers. I am not a machine, I am still only one person. And one person who is holding a position that others wish to secure themselves. Any realm will have their defectors."
He fell quiet then and found himself looking at her with uncertainty. He was getting an odd sensation from her that was new, that he hadn't sensed on her before. It was throwing him off, and after a few more moments of studying her with a small frown, he broke the eye contact to glance away to gather his thoughts. If he wasn't so sure he had to be mistaken, he would be thinking right now that Buffy was falling in love... perhaps already having fallen. There wasn't an urge to feed on her yet, but there was an urge taste, at the least. To test the waters. The whole thought just had an anxiety piquing in him. It had to be more than coincidental to Sergeant Finn's presence. "If he is a threat to himself or others, then non. Not on my property. Actions will need to be taken and I prefer not to have him sedated against his will. He will recover better conscious."
Buffy caught the look and she wriggled in her seat a little self-consciously before Blaise went back to discussing business. She had no idea what he was sensing now, but she knew it couldn't have been another man's scent. She also wondered just how long she would smell like Rory and Riley. All she really wanted was to smell like Blaise and she wondered where that even came from. Maybe she was doomed to always fall in love with the undead. At least she understood them, and they understood her. Even if Kindred were still new ground. She shifted to bring her knees up against her chest as her toes curled over the edge of the sofa. "My Mom was the thing that slipped through my fingers. It's not easy knowing you can't fight cancer, that you can't save your own mother. That for as much as you can avert the apocalypse, there will always be the things you cannot fight. Just like it would be hard for Rory to know that his wife and daughter were the things he lost... For the record, I'm also glad that you're not a machine. I've met and had to destroy a demon machine and they're not exactly big on the warm and cuddly front. Maybe you're not so much the Kindred teddy bear, but you're warmer than I ever would have thought, and it's nice."
Blaise wasn't exactly sure if she was complimenting him, or it was a veiled insult. He soon just laughed softly, though. "I was always much more fond of being warm than cold. But the cancer is something I do understand. I lost a lover to cancer once. She was very ill, Embracing to save her was not an option. Her blood was tainted with disease. It would have killed her, and ailed me. Sometimes things are just meant to be beyond us. It is what makes us remain human." He emptied his glass and set it down before relaxing back into the seat. "Sergeant Finn tells me that you were not aware that Rory's friend was Kindred. That must be difficult for you to absorb knowing Xander had not revealed this to you. To know he is walking your road and becoming close to a vampire."
Buffy smiled sheepishly as she started to laugh herself. It really hadn't been an insult. She liked that he was warm. That was one thing she hadn't been able to quite come to terms with. No matter how much Angel, or even Spike, held her they would always be cold. She watched Blaise again before she uncurled herself and slid over to wrap her arm around his waist and rest her head on his chest. "I didn't exactly tell Xander the truth about you either, so I guess it's only fair. I don't think it's my place to judge him on that. In fact, I'm the last person. All I care about is whether or not he's happy, and if he's safe. He was going to marry a demon, so falling in love with a vampire really isn't that much of a jump for Xan. I'm sorry you had to lose a lover to cancer. I know it can't be easy... falling for mortals and watching them die. I don't know how you do it. Have you ever Embraced someone you loved?"
There was a flutter of strangeness inside him when she put her arm around him. If she was falling in love with Riley, this was wrong. Yet Blaise didn't push her away. He just sat on his uncertainty for the moment. It wasn't like they were sleeping together. "Non, I have not. If I had, they would still be with me. Juliette was the closest, but I had a friend Embrace her. She is an artiste. Toreador without a doubt. She would have come to think and feel like a Ventrue, but she was deserved of more beauty and elegance. Now she is my Primogen and the most trusted Toreador in Paris. Her Sire is the Prince of Scotland, a female. A very dear and loyal friend. I cannot assure you that Airlie will not hurt Xander indirectly. She may lose control in a height passion or hunger, but I do know that she will not seriously hurt him. She will sense his distress and pull back. It will be highly tempting for Xander to let her feed on him. She's is a Toreador, she has Presence."
"The voodoo that you do so well," Buffy murmured as she thought about Blaise's ability to draw her in. She had no idea if it was Presence, but it was definitely strong. The fact that he'd had someone else turn Juliette was also telling. She had no illusions about Juliette being his mate, and a part of her was still not sure how she'd go with the sharing, but once Buffy did earn Blaise's trust she was in a position to give him one thing Juliette couldn't right now and that was to be in love with someone. Juliette's attentions were elsewhere anyway with Rory in the picture. Even if Buffy had no idea how that would end up playing out. "I trust her probably as much as I'll trust any vamp in his presence. No offence. It's not like I don't get the allure of being fed on. At least he won't have to worry about whether or not she can digest him. If I was ever going to Embraced, which Clan would I be?"
"Indeed. It is a trait Ventrue share with Toreador. It is often why we end up colleagues or business partners. We are just more shrewd than Toreador, who are more concerned with beauty and creativity." Blaise raised an eyebrow at her and tilted his head a little. "But alas, mon belle, it remains Xander's choice to indulge his lover. He will never be denied intensity in their sexual encounters, and that can be more than many mortal relationships can stake claim to. In fact, she could feed off him every single day at regular intervals, and he would still remain perfectly healthy. It is why many Kindred take mortal lovers. It is a freshness of the sustenance that Kindred cannot entirely offer. It comes with passion and love. All elements we enjoy, and in return we offer a level of ecstasy that humans cannot feel on their own." He didn't miss the dig and merely cleared his throat in response. "I do not know, cherie. I do not know you well enough yet."
Buffy pulled back enough to look up at Blaise, her head now on his shoulder as her arm stayed around his waist. "I'm sorry, that comment wasn't really fair. I guess... I mean, listening to you talk about that kind of relationship between Kindred and Mortal and I just know we're not there yet. There is no there with us because you can't feed on me until I experience true love, and I can't experience true love until you trust me and we do get to know each other better. It's this whole massive catch twenty-two. In fact, it's worse than a catch twenty-two. It's like a catch two hundred and twenty-two."
"Non. It is not," Blaise cut in with a shake of his head. "You are falling into the trap of assuming sex and feeding are the basis of a whole relationship with a Kindred. I believe I have talked about this with you before. It is not, and it is hard when people assume it is. There are more sides to us than needing to drink blood. We can actually survive on very little. The passion and the ecstasy I talk of comes once love is established. A Kindred can interact in a mortal relationship just as a mortal does. With sex alone. Feeding is not a vital necessity. Not everyone likes the notion of being fed on. Look at your Scot. He is a prime example. Perhaps down the track it may come when he truly trusts, but there is no pressure for him to do it. On the same token, Kindred do not need sex to survive. We do it, and we enjoy it, but we do not need it. We never will. When feeding and sex come to cross, it's a huge trust for both parties. But it is still not what love is based on."
Buffy pressed her lips together before she smiled apologetically at him. "I'm sorry. Again. I need to just stop making an ass out of myself with all the assumptions. I just need to keep getting it clear in my head. So just be... patient. Still. Please? You can ask me anything though in turn. This is the part where there's just no holds barred honesty. Messy, scary, honesty."
"I missed the part where I was not being patient, but okay," Blaise agreed freely. He looked down at her, the question on his tongue of whether she was falling in love with her ex again lingering there, but he didn't say it. "It is only a matter of you needing to stop thinking the worst. If you are, at least give us the benefit of the doubt of stopping and realising there might be another explanation. I have been doing this a lot longer than you have been a Slayer, and yet we still exist. I believe we are at least doing something right."
"I added the still," Buffy argued with a slight pout before she hugged him tightly again. Part of her was still wondering what the hell was going on in Blaise's head, but she didn't dare ask. She just needed to have the same faith in him, that he seemed to have in her. "Thank you for protecting us, for taking in my friends."
Blaise nodded a little. "It is nothing, and on that note, cherie, I really must get some rest. As should you. It has been a difficult and emotional day."
Buffy pulled back reluctantly. "Okay, sure. Rest. Absolutely..." She stood up off the sofa before she paused and leaned forward to kiss Blaise's cheek. "Bon nuit, Blaise."
"Je suis désolé, cherie. I did not meant that to sound as if I was dismissing you. I have been very tired lately. Unwell. Perhaps we can talk again tomorrow?" Blaise suggested to her, so she would know he wasn't just cutting her off to get rid of her. He paused before he spoke again, contemplating whether he should add what he was thinking. "I would invite you back to my chambers, but I fear I would not entirely trust myself," he admitted with a small smile.
Buffy looked at him for a moment before she started to laugh. "That really shouldn't have been as comforting as it is, but I'll still take it. There's nothing wrong with waiting, right? I used to be good at that once upon a time. We'll talk tomorrow. I'll make sure you follow through on that. I'll even try not to make it hard on you by wearing something completely slutty. Maybe you could just tide a girl over though, give her a goodnight kiss?" Buffy asked him with a hopeful look.
Blaise stood up slowly and breached the gap between them. "Please do not. Slutty is not something I have ever been overly keen on," he told her quietly and then cupped her chin in his hand and leant in to kiss her softly. He let it linger, his tongue softly sweeping against her lower lip before he broke it again with another smile. "Bon nuit, mon belle."
Words: 5648