MEH
If you're in a good mood, I advise not reading.
I don't really know what to do. I think I really am going to go to counseling. Nothing is hugely terrible. Itz just a bunch of little things that all add up and consume every minute of my day. There's Jason and Bri, Ian, Ryan,Kevin, Ben....... School, CONSTANTLY being with Ryan and Jesse. Like I love them to death....but they're so happy, and they're engaged, and I can see them being together forever, and you know how i feel about that, so thatz saying A LOT. Itz not that I want a boyfriend really.....itz just that I've never been loved like that.... All the men i attract are SHITTY. and i keep falling into the same traps. GAHHH! I'm trying to hold on. I don't talk to my friends about it either. I know I should, I mean thatz why I have friends right? I can't do it though. I hate bringing people down. Everyone else seems so happy, itz just not fair to do that. I'm so afraid that I really will be alone forever. I'm that girl that everyone wants to fuck, but no one wants to date. I don't know. Maybe I just don't deserve that happiness. I'm allowed pseudo-happiness, but I'll never get to experience the real thing........I must have fucked up in a past life. I know I'm only 17 and i'm still young, but seriously, I just want hope I guess.
I don't really know what to do. I think I really am going to go to counseling. Nothing is hugely terrible. Itz just a bunch of little things that all add up and consume every minute of my day. There's Jason and Bri, Ian, Ryan,Kevin, Ben....... School, CONSTANTLY being with Ryan and Jesse. Like I love them to death....but they're so happy, and they're engaged, and I can see them being together forever, and you know how i feel about that, so thatz saying A LOT. Itz not that I want a boyfriend really.....itz just that I've never been loved like that.... All the men i attract are SHITTY. and i keep falling into the same traps. GAHHH! I'm trying to hold on. I don't talk to my friends about it either. I know I should, I mean thatz why I have friends right? I can't do it though. I hate bringing people down. Everyone else seems so happy, itz just not fair to do that. I'm so afraid that I really will be alone forever. I'm that girl that everyone wants to fuck, but no one wants to date. I don't know. Maybe I just don't deserve that happiness. I'm allowed pseudo-happiness, but I'll never get to experience the real thing........I must have fucked up in a past life. I know I'm only 17 and i'm still young, but seriously, I just want hope I guess.