(no subject)
I'm not threading thisss.
On Zero
Kizna is actually happy that Zero went home. She knew they were pushing their time in camp, and he needs more intensive training than she could offer on her own. Camp isn't a place where he can follow his dream, so as truly amazing as being on a planet is, it wasn't meant to last. The thought that they might not go back together didn't occur to her though.
By no means is Kizna so self-sacrificial to say that she lives for Zero's dream. However, hers hinges on his. Zero was going to become a pilot, and she was going to become a repairer. They were going to do it together. However, the fact is that Zero could be assigned a new partner once he gets back. She's not using anyone to get where she wants to go and she's upset because the one sure shot she had is gone. No, Zero does truly matter to her. So, his leaving is bittersweet for her. Kizna is glad he's on his way again, but upset that she won't get to follow.
As a note, Kizna has thought about the fact that she might not be able to follow Zero forever, in camp and canon. It's always been a question of how far can she go with him, but she thought she would at least make it farther than this. So, yes.
On Camp
Kizna genuinely hates camp now though. Even if becoming a repairer wasn't her first dream, she's still livid that another one is stripped from her. Kizna has no purpose now. She was trained to become a repairer, but she's as advanced as she can be at that. She hit the level in her training where the whole of her focus was supposed to be Zero, so she was supplementing it as best could in camp. Simulatanously, she's lost her place at G.O.A. in essence.* To the best of her knowledge, she might not be Repairer Candidate 88 anymore.
Now, Kizna has all of three years under her belt. It's not a lot of time. After being denied training as a pilot candidate, she focused on becoming a repairer. Kizna was focused on her partner, Zero, before she even met him. She is so attached to her PRO-ING that she sings to it. Those were the two she wanted, so even if she did return, she'd come back to a new partner and a new machine. It's not a comforting thought. On the other hand, she doesn't know anything else. Whatever Kizna is given by G.O.A. is what she'll have to take. If she still has the drive to follow her dream, then that might be a path before her.
* I'm under the assumption that they keep the girls on as instructors, like Saki, or let them re-enter the pool to become partner with a candidate again.
On Time
As far as time being frozen, Kizna gives it some credit. She's come from so far in the future that there's no shred of doubt that it is absolutely possible. So, all of the above? It is conjecture. On one hand, she has no way of knowing if any of it will come true. On the other hand, she has no way of knowing it won't. It's up in the air. Of course, Kizna is going to desperately hope that time stays frozen and when she comes back it'll be like she and Zero never left. They aren't split up, and the training in camp turns out to be extra, instead of subsitution. Everything will be like a dream and losing Zero just a bad nightmare.
On Dreams
Zero leaving does cause Kizna to realize she really will have to leave camp. It does draw to light if camp really should be a dream to her when she gets back, because there is no way of seeing anyone from camp ever again if she goes home. And it's heartbreaking in its own right.
So, Kizna's examining her dream of becoming a repairer. She wanted to become a pilot to fly in a Goddess. She was denied that. She wanted to become a repairer so she could get close to the Goddesses. However, everyone's dream in the end leads to Zion. It leads to going to live on that planet with everyone. When they make it there, it's not the end-- It's the beginning. Kizna has already made it to a planet though. She skipped the steps she meant to take, but arrived exactly where she wanted to be. . . In a way. She isn't on the planet she wanted to go to with the people she wanted be with, but Earth is amazing in its own right and so are the people already there.
Kizna is considering this a lot, so there is no definitive conclusion to this piece.
On Here and Now
. . . After a few indents in the walls of the ZAFT base, Kizna is appropriately holed up in her room and moping for a bit. She's thinking on all of the above and will come out in due time. I may edit this to include a conclusion, but for now-- Kizna is ghosting around.
There's no way of knowing what will happen. The future is a mystery, and she won't know what waits for her back home until she goes back. She isn't the kind of person to lose out on being Zero's partner because she's afraid that she won't be able to follow him anymore though. Even if she gets paired with someone else, she's going to fight for her dream then punch Zero when she becomes a Goddess repairer. He may be gone, but Zero is still her partner and Kizna will carry 88 with her.
As for camp, she can't rush it. Kizna knows she will leave when camp makes her, so she's still making the most of her time. She needs to take her time to think about everything, but she also needs to decide and be sure of everything before she runs out of time. Camp isn't a time for hesitation and holding back.
Kizna is going to focus on maintaining her skills as a repairer. She'll keep tinkering away at things so she doesn't lose her touch, improve her speed and ingenuinity, and things like that. She's going to keep wearing her uniforms pretty regularly, but will spend more time outside of uniform than usual as well. So, maybe once a week, she'll be out in a dress.
. . . The beginning.
On Zero
Kizna is actually happy that Zero went home. She knew they were pushing their time in camp, and he needs more intensive training than she could offer on her own. Camp isn't a place where he can follow his dream, so as truly amazing as being on a planet is, it wasn't meant to last. The thought that they might not go back together didn't occur to her though.
By no means is Kizna so self-sacrificial to say that she lives for Zero's dream. However, hers hinges on his. Zero was going to become a pilot, and she was going to become a repairer. They were going to do it together. However, the fact is that Zero could be assigned a new partner once he gets back. She's not using anyone to get where she wants to go and she's upset because the one sure shot she had is gone. No, Zero does truly matter to her. So, his leaving is bittersweet for her. Kizna is glad he's on his way again, but upset that she won't get to follow.
As a note, Kizna has thought about the fact that she might not be able to follow Zero forever, in camp and canon. It's always been a question of how far can she go with him, but she thought she would at least make it farther than this. So, yes.
On Camp
Kizna genuinely hates camp now though. Even if becoming a repairer wasn't her first dream, she's still livid that another one is stripped from her. Kizna has no purpose now. She was trained to become a repairer, but she's as advanced as she can be at that. She hit the level in her training where the whole of her focus was supposed to be Zero, so she was supplementing it as best could in camp. Simulatanously, she's lost her place at G.O.A. in essence.* To the best of her knowledge, she might not be Repairer Candidate 88 anymore.
Now, Kizna has all of three years under her belt. It's not a lot of time. After being denied training as a pilot candidate, she focused on becoming a repairer. Kizna was focused on her partner, Zero, before she even met him. She is so attached to her PRO-ING that she sings to it. Those were the two she wanted, so even if she did return, she'd come back to a new partner and a new machine. It's not a comforting thought. On the other hand, she doesn't know anything else. Whatever Kizna is given by G.O.A. is what she'll have to take. If she still has the drive to follow her dream, then that might be a path before her.
* I'm under the assumption that they keep the girls on as instructors, like Saki, or let them re-enter the pool to become partner with a candidate again.
On Time
As far as time being frozen, Kizna gives it some credit. She's come from so far in the future that there's no shred of doubt that it is absolutely possible. So, all of the above? It is conjecture. On one hand, she has no way of knowing if any of it will come true. On the other hand, she has no way of knowing it won't. It's up in the air. Of course, Kizna is going to desperately hope that time stays frozen and when she comes back it'll be like she and Zero never left. They aren't split up, and the training in camp turns out to be extra, instead of subsitution. Everything will be like a dream and losing Zero just a bad nightmare.
On Dreams
Zero leaving does cause Kizna to realize she really will have to leave camp. It does draw to light if camp really should be a dream to her when she gets back, because there is no way of seeing anyone from camp ever again if she goes home. And it's heartbreaking in its own right.
So, Kizna's examining her dream of becoming a repairer. She wanted to become a pilot to fly in a Goddess. She was denied that. She wanted to become a repairer so she could get close to the Goddesses. However, everyone's dream in the end leads to Zion. It leads to going to live on that planet with everyone. When they make it there, it's not the end-- It's the beginning. Kizna has already made it to a planet though. She skipped the steps she meant to take, but arrived exactly where she wanted to be. . . In a way. She isn't on the planet she wanted to go to with the people she wanted be with, but Earth is amazing in its own right and so are the people already there.
Kizna is considering this a lot, so there is no definitive conclusion to this piece.
On Here and Now
. . . After a few indents in the walls of the ZAFT base, Kizna is appropriately holed up in her room and moping for a bit. She's thinking on all of the above and will come out in due time. I may edit this to include a conclusion, but for now-- Kizna is ghosting around.
There's no way of knowing what will happen. The future is a mystery, and she won't know what waits for her back home until she goes back. She isn't the kind of person to lose out on being Zero's partner because she's afraid that she won't be able to follow him anymore though. Even if she gets paired with someone else, she's going to fight for her dream then punch Zero when she becomes a Goddess repairer. He may be gone, but Zero is still her partner and Kizna will carry 88 with her.
As for camp, she can't rush it. Kizna knows she will leave when camp makes her, so she's still making the most of her time. She needs to take her time to think about everything, but she also needs to decide and be sure of everything before she runs out of time. Camp isn't a time for hesitation and holding back.
Kizna is going to focus on maintaining her skills as a repairer. She'll keep tinkering away at things so she doesn't lose her touch, improve her speed and ingenuinity, and things like that. She's going to keep wearing her uniforms pretty regularly, but will spend more time outside of uniform than usual as well. So, maybe once a week, she'll be out in a dress.
. . . The beginning.