Depression has taken a tole on my heart
Why oh why am I becoming more withdrawn and depressed? I don't understand it. I know of a reason that might be why I'm getting depressed, but then again its not really bothering me as much as it would usually. If anyone who knows me well are probably going to say that's bullshit. Though They're probably right. I probably just don't realize how its affecting me. I seriously don't see clearly when it comes to these things. I know I can only help myself, but then again I cannot. Some days I just don't have the strength to go on and so I just give up and lay around depressed. Why is my heart so sore? Why is it so cold towards the species of men? My heart is not fully healed and yet it has turned to my very favorite color "black". These days I just haven't been able to care much for my guy friends problems. Even guys I don't know that try to talk to me I tell them to fuck off or that their ugly and they have no business talking to me. It feels good when I tell them that though I really don't care what they say back either. It doesn't hurt because I guess I just don't let it hurt me. There is only one male that can truly hurt me and if you and I are real close then you know who this person is. I love this man to death, so very much so. I don't think he can truly see it though. See what a good person I am and not just some kid. I just don't understand it. I think once I tell this person how I feel about him it'll get better and I won't have this weight on my shoulders. I'll feel free and be as light as a feather once more. I won't have to worry about him not truly and really knowing it. Though I know I am just going on and on about this. Though I do not care, this is what I am feeling and it is better to write it down then to do something really stupid like I have in the past. I do not know if my heart will ever be warm and caring again, for now all I know is its as black as coal and as cold as ice. It does not care about others who try to win me over, but only by someone who has the power to crush it in his very hands, which he has done many a time. Though I forgive this man every time he does crush it and I will keep on forgiving him until the day I die.