I don't Know anymore
I'm not really sure what to do anymore. Things have been going down the drain lately. First I get into trouble with my boss on friday, then I get into it with jacky. He and I were arguing about alot of things, fighting more then usual. We're friends yes, but I love him more then anything and he knows this at least I think he does. I even found out the real reason why he broke up with me and let me tell you it was really stupid. It was so stupid I laughed my ass off. I really did almost fall off my bed laughing. Though I don't understand somethings about him, he tells me he only cares for me as a friend, but then he acts like theirs more. I just dunno what to do anymore. He plays so many girls and I'm tired of that. I don't see why he would have to get an ugly girl when he has me a beautiful young lady. I just don't get it. Its all so confusing. I'm just grrr right now. I just want my world to go back to the way it was. Maybe I just need to go out and ride my horse. Even if he is wild, I need to ride and get all these emotions out. I just need to let go of all of the pain I'm holding onto. I need to let go of the past and look to the future. I just don't know how to do it. I was told that only I can help myself and that's probably true, but then sometimes everyone needs advice from other people then themselves. I just want out. I want to ride my horse and do nothing else, I don't want a job, I just want to ride to my hearts content. So bad! so very badly. God I'm just rambling now. I need to shut up. Just god.