Uh...
I've always known why I chose the psychology path, I've neer pretended that it was to be a saviour. I chose psychology to understand myself better and why I act the way I do, but I chose it because with all the problems with my brother and the family, I felt alone. I went through depression alone, I was suicidal and got no help when I asked because I scared them into realising their family was not picture-perfect. I was alone, and of course at 14/15 my friends couldn't help. I was alone and I had no one to turn to and I decided that I would help people like me, so they don't feel alone. I realised that I was strong because I got myself throught it alone, inner strenght and will, but not everyone can and I wanted to be the one to help them through their problems. I've always known the reason is partly selfish because it's so no one feels like me, but...being in psychology, this lecturer asks questions where you have to think deep down, and it's resurfacing all these feelings, and I realise that one day I will have to talk about them...and I can't. I got through this on my own, how can I tell others, esp in the field I want to be in. What if they decide that because I suffered through depression and got no help, then mentally I am unfit to help others?
And these helping skills lectures...I get we need to practice before entering the real world, but do they really think that I'm about to tell fellow students my problems? Especially ones I am competing against to become a psychologist?
I guess I'm a little unnerved now....and perhaps a little scared. I got through my problems, but they aren't solved. I found a way to live with them, but I can't talk about them because...what if talking about them sends me back to my old me? I don't like my old me. I pity her and understand her, but I'm not her...
At the same time, I'm curious as to how far I can dig deep into understanding me through this course. I just have to remember how strong I actually am.
I'm not giving up on becoming a psychologist because there are people I need to help so they can save themselves.
And these helping skills lectures...I get we need to practice before entering the real world, but do they really think that I'm about to tell fellow students my problems? Especially ones I am competing against to become a psychologist?
I guess I'm a little unnerved now....and perhaps a little scared. I got through my problems, but they aren't solved. I found a way to live with them, but I can't talk about them because...what if talking about them sends me back to my old me? I don't like my old me. I pity her and understand her, but I'm not her...
At the same time, I'm curious as to how far I can dig deep into understanding me through this course. I just have to remember how strong I actually am.
I'm not giving up on becoming a psychologist because there are people I need to help so they can save themselves.