couple things
1. I was gonna kill Genzi this week. He had stopped eating, the steroids didn't seem to do anything, it seemed like it was time. Until, that is, he suddenly started eating again. Our guess is that it's actually the fluids. We're upping them to every day now. He's certainly not eating well, and it probably counts as a starvation diet, but he IS eating. So I'm holding off on the killing. We'll just take it day by day. Apparently the vet called Nee just to ask about how he's doing, which was super thoughtful. Sadly, Nee missed the call so I'm going to call back on thursday to fill her in (tues. they're closed because of the storm, and wednesday apparently she's not in, so thursday it is).
2. I'm bouncing around on just how angsty I feel about this, but I've pretty much given up on friendships, emotional connections, and that emotional intimacy I definitely crave. I realized last night that despite being in a long term relationship with a guy I live with, I am getting close to zero skin-to-skin contact. Even when we cuddle in bed (which is pretty rare), he stays fully clothed and refuses to take anything off. So that is definitely Not Helping.
I have become able to remember being at least marginally successful in the past, with friendships and sexual partners and emotional intimacy, so I guess that's something. However, I cannot imagine ever feeling anything other than empty ever again. I consider myself a social failure, I view trying to change that as exercises in futility (really painful futility) and... well, that's pretty much it.
I'm also thinking that next month's LARP is going to be THE LARP that determines if I continue going, or if I quit entirely and unfriend all the LARP people from facebook. It's the hinge. Luckily, it's weeks away and I don't have to worry about it yet.
... Also, my LJ friend's feed page is coming up empty today and it kinda feels like LJ is mocking me or something. I know I have very few LJ friends, but come on!
2. I'm bouncing around on just how angsty I feel about this, but I've pretty much given up on friendships, emotional connections, and that emotional intimacy I definitely crave. I realized last night that despite being in a long term relationship with a guy I live with, I am getting close to zero skin-to-skin contact. Even when we cuddle in bed (which is pretty rare), he stays fully clothed and refuses to take anything off. So that is definitely Not Helping.
I have become able to remember being at least marginally successful in the past, with friendships and sexual partners and emotional intimacy, so I guess that's something. However, I cannot imagine ever feeling anything other than empty ever again. I consider myself a social failure, I view trying to change that as exercises in futility (really painful futility) and... well, that's pretty much it.
I'm also thinking that next month's LARP is going to be THE LARP that determines if I continue going, or if I quit entirely and unfriend all the LARP people from facebook. It's the hinge. Luckily, it's weeks away and I don't have to worry about it yet.
... Also, my LJ friend's feed page is coming up empty today and it kinda feels like LJ is mocking me or something. I know I have very few LJ friends, but come on!