This certainly seems like it could be a good fic, but there are a few things bothering me. Hopefully you won't mind if I offer some constructive criticism. I know people have already mentioned this, but there is virtually no way in which Marni would ever be allowed to be in the same room as two men, let alone two that have such severe criminal/psychological issues. Even if she were male, because of her age, they would still be separated. I also doubt that Rorschach would be placed in a room with anyone due to his record and violent tendencies, given the fact that when he was in prison he threw that vat of grease on the other inmate; they would probably have him in a private room and limit interaction with other inmates. I don't think that Walter would willingly take the pill, even with the nurse "forcing" him. He has a particularly volatile nature, not to mention years of experience taking down criminals. I doubt he would have problems with a nurse. It's common practice in mental institutions to restrain certain violent inmates while they take their pills, but it would certainly take more than a nurse to do this for Walter. I'm also fairly certain they still use shots to calm down or incapacitate violent patients before they give them meds if the patient refuses to cooperate. One last itty-bitty thing; I don't really feel like Rorschach would look on cigarettes with disgust. Obviously this is subject to opinion, but he had a very idealistic mindset when it came to the "American way" and cigarettes are something deeply woven into American culture, especially at that time.
I know people have already mentioned this, but there is virtually no way in which Marni would ever be allowed to be in the same room as two men, let alone two that have such severe criminal/psychological issues. Even if she were male, because of her age, they would still be separated. I also doubt that Rorschach would be placed in a room with anyone due to his record and violent tendencies, given the fact that when he was in prison he threw that vat of grease on the other inmate; they would probably have him in a private room and limit interaction with other inmates.
I don't think that Walter would willingly take the pill, even with the nurse "forcing" him. He has a particularly volatile nature, not to mention years of experience taking down criminals. I doubt he would have problems with a nurse. It's common practice in mental institutions to restrain certain violent inmates while they take their pills, but it would certainly take more than a nurse to do this for Walter. I'm also fairly certain they still use shots to calm down or incapacitate violent patients before they give them meds if the patient refuses to cooperate.
One last itty-bitty thing; I don't really feel like Rorschach would look on cigarettes with disgust. Obviously this is subject to opinion, but he had a very idealistic mindset when it came to the "American way" and cigarettes are something deeply woven into American culture, especially at that time.
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Actually I am gunna tell you a bit on why Ror was so willing to take the pill's in the next chapter.
But don't worry, I am really thankfull for the crit and it's actually makeing me think of Re writeing the First chapter before I do the second one.
It's actually been a lot of help!
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