hurting
man, i am so hurt and emotionally inbalanced!! gosh i am having some serious emotional probs. i have been so moody and stressed out lately. i feel like i am becoming depressed AGAIN. sometimes i wish i was more anti-social that way everyone would leave me alone. man, thats just it, sometimes a person just wants to be left alone and when u tell ur friends that they take it the wrong way. i still feel like i am having trouble getting used to being in a house with 4 other ppl. man i miss having my own traylor.
i wish i had a job but my real dad doesnt want me to get one b/c then i wont be able to come to see him on the weekends. that sux i am sick of not having money. i always have to ask my grandma for everything. it makes me feel bad.
gosh i wish i could just let out one huge scream. man it seems like i cant go one day without being sad and insecure. i hate the way insecurity gets the best of me. my heart just feels like its filled with pain. i hate this crap. i am really hurt and stressed right now. it seems like no 1 understands too. guys are so stupid (no offence to my friends). gosh they just love to play with ur heart and tease ur mind. the only guys that like me are the guys that i dont like. i am not saying that they re not great guys. i just dont like them like that. all the guys that i like dont like me like that or they've had me and apparently i wasnt good enough. most of the time its the gurls that dump the guys, but no, not with me. i guess the bottom line is.... i miss marshall. A LOT. he prolly doesnt even ever think about me nemore. and the bad thing about it is, everything and anything reminds me of him. i would prolly feel so retarded if he read this but i gotta get it out some how. i guess thats what my journal is for though. i saw him the other day and he just acts weird and quiet around me. that sux. he doesnt have to act like that. i dont know if he thinks that i am over him or not but i dont act weird around him. i just act like nothing ever happened and like i did before we started seeing each other. well i guess i am done pittying myself on here so i guess i will go to my room and think about it some more. and i swear i cant stop thinking about it or him.
i will being going to choctaw tomorrow (wednesday) and staying untill sunday. i hope to see everyone. bye to all of my friends. i love u all very much and i hope that everything is going good with yall. laterz everyone. God bless. X( heather michelle