unhappiness
There's been a bit of unhappiness today and I'd really like to have something uplifting come my way. But I know what's up next and it doesn't seem incredibly likely, all in all.
Hit the scale this morning, most of the same conditions that I usually do in the morning (no food, more or less fresh out of bed, bathroom) and was up three pounds over yesterday, which was up twoish pounds over the day before. All I can do is pray it's just that time of the month and it's water retention. Because I swear I haven't changed my food habits, but I know they're terrible. And if it is the food then I'm just screwed, I can't change what's at available, period. It *might* be muscle gain. I've added a bit of weight training and even just the cardio has kept my thighs muttering at me for weeks. But why would the scale jump up in just a couple of days? I'm just so pissed because I had managed to bring it down and keep it at a new weight in March, which showed a loss of five pounds from the high end of this bout-of-lazy. Now those five are back. ARGH.
And no, clothes aren't fitting any better. But I can feel my biceps...under the flab.
Came home just desperate to get away from the sweat only to find the water was out. Luckily my sister was home and she let me go over to use her shower. She invited me to eat with her husband and we chatted about money and family and long term plans and that was...well bonding but also depressing. Every time I think I have it bad I listen to them and know I'm damned lucky. They're always in dire straits, it seems.
Came home and tried to work a little bit, but then the power went out and with it the Internet. I tried to read but my attention wasn't there, I tried to clean but kept getting aggravated by everything. Then the power came back on.
Things are kinda flowing now and I could get a lot done if I kept working. But! it's time to hit the road to go to SOSE's opening night for OUR CLASS. I'm thrilled by a new piece of tough/mad/brilliant theatre that these people have put on, but way nervous too because its keystone an incident from the Holocaust, and when has that ever been a good time? But it'll be challenging and good, and that's the point of art, right?
A lot of little things have ganged up on me today and I just want to know that it was worth it to get out of bed this morning.
Hit the scale this morning, most of the same conditions that I usually do in the morning (no food, more or less fresh out of bed, bathroom) and was up three pounds over yesterday, which was up twoish pounds over the day before. All I can do is pray it's just that time of the month and it's water retention. Because I swear I haven't changed my food habits, but I know they're terrible. And if it is the food then I'm just screwed, I can't change what's at available, period. It *might* be muscle gain. I've added a bit of weight training and even just the cardio has kept my thighs muttering at me for weeks. But why would the scale jump up in just a couple of days? I'm just so pissed because I had managed to bring it down and keep it at a new weight in March, which showed a loss of five pounds from the high end of this bout-of-lazy. Now those five are back. ARGH.
And no, clothes aren't fitting any better. But I can feel my biceps...under the flab.
Came home just desperate to get away from the sweat only to find the water was out. Luckily my sister was home and she let me go over to use her shower. She invited me to eat with her husband and we chatted about money and family and long term plans and that was...well bonding but also depressing. Every time I think I have it bad I listen to them and know I'm damned lucky. They're always in dire straits, it seems.
Came home and tried to work a little bit, but then the power went out and with it the Internet. I tried to read but my attention wasn't there, I tried to clean but kept getting aggravated by everything. Then the power came back on.
Things are kinda flowing now and I could get a lot done if I kept working. But! it's time to hit the road to go to SOSE's opening night for OUR CLASS. I'm thrilled by a new piece of tough/mad/brilliant theatre that these people have put on, but way nervous too because its keystone an incident from the Holocaust, and when has that ever been a good time? But it'll be challenging and good, and that's the point of art, right?
A lot of little things have ganged up on me today and I just want to know that it was worth it to get out of bed this morning.