and life stull sucks.
ok well i am going to rant where noone will read it. noone ever reads this anyway. and i am going to make it private prob. so that only i can read it.
today was splindid. Lisa left me, or more like i left her, so that she would not have to. And also i know she has been talking to everyone under the sun about me. hence she saiys she said certain things to certain peopel but the person i asked to call her, did so. Then he proceeded to record the phone call and proceeded to let me know the truth. But hence I dont give a fuck anymore.
Tonight was horrid night. The usual went on. Me and stevin faught all night long. And that was sucking alot. Then I was told i would get paid tongiht if i painted 20 celling coards for the proarch. Come to find out i only get 5 dollars for 12 hours of work. That is always nicec.
I found out today that my evil has sevear heart worms. and she prob will not make it through the winter. That is always a nicec thing to find out. That my only true friend that does not talk about me behind my back is probley going to die. And there is not much that can be done about it. Today she has just laid there and cried all day. she will not eat much. I am giving her medecine, but no no avail, its not working. She is still getting sicker I think. But it has been only a day. Well not really a day even.
I have thought about moving out, but then i saw thats not going to happen. Then I thought about moving to the basement. But that is not going to work. The basement is cold as fuck, and It's dark. As many of you know I hate the dark. And I cannot stand the dark. So I will have to stay in my room.
I was told that I could not stay there anyway. Because my parents will not allow it. Big fucking deal. Who gives a fuck what they say heh?
My mom has suddenly decided to do a family search. She wants to find my other brothers and sisters. Oh joy she can do it on her own. I am the one that helped them find stevin when i was 18. But that does not matter I guess.
I must say i am not too happy about the whole Steven thing. But it does not matter. He is so bossy and thinks he knows everthing. And thinks cause hes older he can do what he wants and tell me what to do. I think my parents belive the same thing.
Hell Lisa didnt even like steven when she was here. But he is an ass. And I do not like him to much. He is an ass.
But all the same they want to fine my brothers and sister. I was adopted to my aunt at 2 weeks old. She is considered my mohter. And if you ask me, I only have one brother. That would be JT. He is my aunts son. I grew up with him as my brother. He is my brother as I see it.
But they want to fine Anthony, Robbie, John John, and Daniel. The last name is my sister. But it does not matter to me if they find them. I do not really care. They are prob all the same as stevin.
I had to sit there today and hear about how Anthony and Steven where raped as children and such. And I really didnt want to hear about that.
Then i was told that I cannot go out tonight. I did alot of work so that I could go out. Then they told me that I could not go out. I was going to go get drunk heh. But that did not happen to say the least.
I have decided that I dont give a fuck what happens to me anymore. I am just going to walk around in circles if i try anyway.
Heh, my mom and dad want me to go to get help. Heh. I am not crazy i said. The rest of the world is i told her. But she did not belive me. Heh to be honest I am not srue that I belive me. But that does not matter now does it?
Then I kind of had a nervious break down. I recently found out that my closest friend in the world got shot the other day. Heh.
So then the rest of the night was dedacated to crying and cutting and making the world mad at me. But that is ok. I dont give a fuck what they say or what happens anyway.
But i have realized that if you drink enough alcohol you cannot type nor feel anything. heh. And I do belive that my meds increase the effect. But the down side is vodka does not last long. and I am out and i will be hung over in the morning.
But as stevin informed me, I can always go do a few lines of coke. Heh, thats always an incourging word from my older brother heh? who knows maybe he wants to rape me once again in a mind fuck or phycial way. Who know.?
My mom and dad have decided that he is now the new faviorate. And when i said this to Stevin he said "of course i am, My minds not fucked up liek yours. your just a fucktard and need to be locked away in a mental hospital."
Heh
I have been having those same thoughts myself lately. But I will not go to the kokain. And I will not do it. Well at least not right now.
The lisa even is that i have finally manged to make her give up, and manged to make her leave or want to leave nad I havve managed to lose her. So now all of her friend should be happy. I have set her free of the dungons that I have created. Heh.
I know that most people online think that its BS and that I am not skitz and do not have mutple personalties. Heh. Or at least her friend dont think i do. But if you all woudl please let me know how that ccan be then let me know. Ccuse i would really like to belive that as well.
in the meantime lisa finally is out of my life. And I really do not think she is comming back. Of course this hurts like hell, and i want to die right now. But will not because of a promise to her, but i still wnat to die. Heh. I am sure that all of her friends will be happy to know they are rid of me. And there h er life can get back to normal.
I am not glad however. I do honestly still wish i was with her. and I am honstly lonley as fuck right now. But thats always what I am. But i honestly do not blame her for hating me.
She did come and see me. And we did have some fun. But I dont know. However she did see me and she did see it all from the inside. From here. And she finally had to admit that I was mental I think. Heh. and she told us that we had the most fucked family that she had ever seen.
But of course I do have the most fucked family. She is right there. After all my brtoher does rape me. and my mom and dad deny it and clain him as a god if they could. And worship the gorund he walks on. Just as they did JT. But Jt cared, and JT took care of me, and JT loved me. But JT is gone now. He lives in VA.
I do miss JT insain amounts. But there is nothing that can be done about that now. I get to talk to him now and then. And his new GF is AWSOME. I love sara. She Kicks ass. And She is great.
But that is all for now. I am off to my room now to cut and such. I hope all of you have a nice night and have lots of fun. hugs to you all and kisses. L8er.
today was splindid. Lisa left me, or more like i left her, so that she would not have to. And also i know she has been talking to everyone under the sun about me. hence she saiys she said certain things to certain peopel but the person i asked to call her, did so. Then he proceeded to record the phone call and proceeded to let me know the truth. But hence I dont give a fuck anymore.
Tonight was horrid night. The usual went on. Me and stevin faught all night long. And that was sucking alot. Then I was told i would get paid tongiht if i painted 20 celling coards for the proarch. Come to find out i only get 5 dollars for 12 hours of work. That is always nicec.
I found out today that my evil has sevear heart worms. and she prob will not make it through the winter. That is always a nicec thing to find out. That my only true friend that does not talk about me behind my back is probley going to die. And there is not much that can be done about it. Today she has just laid there and cried all day. she will not eat much. I am giving her medecine, but no no avail, its not working. She is still getting sicker I think. But it has been only a day. Well not really a day even.
I have thought about moving out, but then i saw thats not going to happen. Then I thought about moving to the basement. But that is not going to work. The basement is cold as fuck, and It's dark. As many of you know I hate the dark. And I cannot stand the dark. So I will have to stay in my room.
I was told that I could not stay there anyway. Because my parents will not allow it. Big fucking deal. Who gives a fuck what they say heh?
My mom has suddenly decided to do a family search. She wants to find my other brothers and sisters. Oh joy she can do it on her own. I am the one that helped them find stevin when i was 18. But that does not matter I guess.
I must say i am not too happy about the whole Steven thing. But it does not matter. He is so bossy and thinks he knows everthing. And thinks cause hes older he can do what he wants and tell me what to do. I think my parents belive the same thing.
Hell Lisa didnt even like steven when she was here. But he is an ass. And I do not like him to much. He is an ass.
But all the same they want to fine my brothers and sister. I was adopted to my aunt at 2 weeks old. She is considered my mohter. And if you ask me, I only have one brother. That would be JT. He is my aunts son. I grew up with him as my brother. He is my brother as I see it.
But they want to fine Anthony, Robbie, John John, and Daniel. The last name is my sister. But it does not matter to me if they find them. I do not really care. They are prob all the same as stevin.
I had to sit there today and hear about how Anthony and Steven where raped as children and such. And I really didnt want to hear about that.
Then i was told that I cannot go out tonight. I did alot of work so that I could go out. Then they told me that I could not go out. I was going to go get drunk heh. But that did not happen to say the least.
I have decided that I dont give a fuck what happens to me anymore. I am just going to walk around in circles if i try anyway.
Heh, my mom and dad want me to go to get help. Heh. I am not crazy i said. The rest of the world is i told her. But she did not belive me. Heh to be honest I am not srue that I belive me. But that does not matter now does it?
Then I kind of had a nervious break down. I recently found out that my closest friend in the world got shot the other day. Heh.
So then the rest of the night was dedacated to crying and cutting and making the world mad at me. But that is ok. I dont give a fuck what they say or what happens anyway.
But i have realized that if you drink enough alcohol you cannot type nor feel anything. heh. And I do belive that my meds increase the effect. But the down side is vodka does not last long. and I am out and i will be hung over in the morning.
But as stevin informed me, I can always go do a few lines of coke. Heh, thats always an incourging word from my older brother heh? who knows maybe he wants to rape me once again in a mind fuck or phycial way. Who know.?
My mom and dad have decided that he is now the new faviorate. And when i said this to Stevin he said "of course i am, My minds not fucked up liek yours. your just a fucktard and need to be locked away in a mental hospital."
Heh
I have been having those same thoughts myself lately. But I will not go to the kokain. And I will not do it. Well at least not right now.
The lisa even is that i have finally manged to make her give up, and manged to make her leave or want to leave nad I havve managed to lose her. So now all of her friend should be happy. I have set her free of the dungons that I have created. Heh.
I know that most people online think that its BS and that I am not skitz and do not have mutple personalties. Heh. Or at least her friend dont think i do. But if you all woudl please let me know how that ccan be then let me know. Ccuse i would really like to belive that as well.
in the meantime lisa finally is out of my life. And I really do not think she is comming back. Of course this hurts like hell, and i want to die right now. But will not because of a promise to her, but i still wnat to die. Heh. I am sure that all of her friends will be happy to know they are rid of me. And there h er life can get back to normal.
I am not glad however. I do honestly still wish i was with her. and I am honstly lonley as fuck right now. But thats always what I am. But i honestly do not blame her for hating me.
She did come and see me. And we did have some fun. But I dont know. However she did see me and she did see it all from the inside. From here. And she finally had to admit that I was mental I think. Heh. and she told us that we had the most fucked family that she had ever seen.
But of course I do have the most fucked family. She is right there. After all my brtoher does rape me. and my mom and dad deny it and clain him as a god if they could. And worship the gorund he walks on. Just as they did JT. But Jt cared, and JT took care of me, and JT loved me. But JT is gone now. He lives in VA.
I do miss JT insain amounts. But there is nothing that can be done about that now. I get to talk to him now and then. And his new GF is AWSOME. I love sara. She Kicks ass. And She is great.
But that is all for now. I am off to my room now to cut and such. I hope all of you have a nice night and have lots of fun. hugs to you all and kisses. L8er.