Stronger than i was five miutes ago!
Dear H,
Well I got accepted into the dorms. What’s even better is that because I’m a transfer student and 23 I got put in the campus apartments. I have one roommate, and all we share is a kitchen. I have my own bathroom. I have never had my own bathroom… I’m excited, but at the same time I’ve been feeling depressed, so it’s kind of a 50 50 feeling. I dunno. But, now the huge problem is how the hell am I going to pay for it? There is such a mix up with my Cal grant and financial aid. People are just so rude on the phone, and they don’t care if they help you or not. Customer service means nothing these days and that upsets me. So far everyone has been very rude… uug, I feel lame for it displeasing me so much. But hopefully it’ll get taken care of just like the dorm situation.
Christmas came and went. I feel so… I guess I’m not sure how to describe it. I feel guilty because all my sisters pitched in and got me a new laptop. It’s so much better than what I had. But I thought all we were doing was a book exchange. So I got this awesome present and I didn’t get them anything. I feel so grateful and yet so guilty. I wanted to cry when I opened it, but I held it in. It was much unexpected and very heartfelt. Shitty thing is the awkward feeling I get because I don’t deserve anything as nice as this. I don’t deserve them spending money on me. All I’ve done is fuck up continuously. So I am just very grateful.
Sharks lost tonight to the ducks… ug, super lame. I managed to get my butt to one game this season, at least it’s one. That was pretty random, lol sorry bout that.
So I am trying to stay positive. I can’t allow myself to get negative or numb… void for that matter. If that goes on any further then I won’t succeed. That just can’t happen… just fucking can’t? I mean, I’m going away and I don’t want to disappoint anyone. Most importantly I can’t let myself down. I need to make it work… I need a direction, just something that is my niche I guess. But the bay has brought nothing but shit and more shit. OH!!!
On Christmas my sisters went and picked up my dad. He stayed for most of the day and had Christmas dinner. Cooked by my mom I might add, whom he said not a fucking word too. He has the mind of a five year old at times, but he’s not completely gone. The worst thing is how he is so high and mighty STILL. STILL!!! After how much he fucked us over and himself… yikes, the guy is just pitiful. The whole time I was waiting for him to get dropped off. It made me feel terrible. It’s a sad sad situation. Therapy would never work LOL Therapy in general doesn’t work… well I think it depends on the therapist. My experience hasn’t been good and I don’t doubt that many others have had a good experience.
This entry has been random… It’s cool; my LJ has turned pretty much into a private blog I guess. Makes it easier to write about stuff though. So I’m not really caring actually
BTW:: totally wrote this entry on Word 2010… so cool, it’s been ages since I’ve owned the software!
SSDD <3
Well I got accepted into the dorms. What’s even better is that because I’m a transfer student and 23 I got put in the campus apartments. I have one roommate, and all we share is a kitchen. I have my own bathroom. I have never had my own bathroom… I’m excited, but at the same time I’ve been feeling depressed, so it’s kind of a 50 50 feeling. I dunno. But, now the huge problem is how the hell am I going to pay for it? There is such a mix up with my Cal grant and financial aid. People are just so rude on the phone, and they don’t care if they help you or not. Customer service means nothing these days and that upsets me. So far everyone has been very rude… uug, I feel lame for it displeasing me so much. But hopefully it’ll get taken care of just like the dorm situation.
Christmas came and went. I feel so… I guess I’m not sure how to describe it. I feel guilty because all my sisters pitched in and got me a new laptop. It’s so much better than what I had. But I thought all we were doing was a book exchange. So I got this awesome present and I didn’t get them anything. I feel so grateful and yet so guilty. I wanted to cry when I opened it, but I held it in. It was much unexpected and very heartfelt. Shitty thing is the awkward feeling I get because I don’t deserve anything as nice as this. I don’t deserve them spending money on me. All I’ve done is fuck up continuously. So I am just very grateful.
Sharks lost tonight to the ducks… ug, super lame. I managed to get my butt to one game this season, at least it’s one. That was pretty random, lol sorry bout that.
So I am trying to stay positive. I can’t allow myself to get negative or numb… void for that matter. If that goes on any further then I won’t succeed. That just can’t happen… just fucking can’t? I mean, I’m going away and I don’t want to disappoint anyone. Most importantly I can’t let myself down. I need to make it work… I need a direction, just something that is my niche I guess. But the bay has brought nothing but shit and more shit. OH!!!
On Christmas my sisters went and picked up my dad. He stayed for most of the day and had Christmas dinner. Cooked by my mom I might add, whom he said not a fucking word too. He has the mind of a five year old at times, but he’s not completely gone. The worst thing is how he is so high and mighty STILL. STILL!!! After how much he fucked us over and himself… yikes, the guy is just pitiful. The whole time I was waiting for him to get dropped off. It made me feel terrible. It’s a sad sad situation. Therapy would never work LOL Therapy in general doesn’t work… well I think it depends on the therapist. My experience hasn’t been good and I don’t doubt that many others have had a good experience.
This entry has been random… It’s cool; my LJ has turned pretty much into a private blog I guess. Makes it easier to write about stuff though. So I’m not really caring actually
BTW:: totally wrote this entry on Word 2010… so cool, it’s been ages since I’ve owned the software!
SSDD <3