some more angst for ya
Dear H,
Oh man, more angst ridden entries, that seems to be your specialty livejournal! Okay, so I couldn't pick up my check today because i forgot my wallet, that sucks so much ass. Second thing on the docket, I feel like i'm being idle. I hate being idle, especially when it comes to civil libierties. LMC dissappoints me greatly... I need to speak to the student government and give them a piece of my mind for their deciscion. It will have been the worst mistake they have ever made.
Now that thats out of the way, more guy stuff that has been killing me. Hot tutor... OMG, i figure he knows it was me who wrote the damn thing, he hasn't approached me than fuck it. That is a sign that hes not interested... And then I've got all my sisters telling me to go for it, and do it, and its like... Why set myself up for some sort of failure when obvsiously hes not diggin me. Thats what sucks about it, is that hes just too handsome i guess for me. Like i must not be cute enough for him to care. *Shrug* who the hell knows... But i do know for sure that it sucks, and i think its not worth it. I'm not going to go for something i should know isn't going to work out.
Then i'm having all these weird thoughts about my life. My birthday is in a week and i'm going to be 22. Its like, i'm at the age where i need to start making a difference and achieve some of my goals. I have not done any of those things and its like... I sit there and see all these young people doing things and changing the world, yet here i sit a few years older than they are doing nothing. It stinks, and its my own doing. I set myself up for certain things.... Does that even make sense?? *prolly not*
I swear though, its like... heart break city and i'm starting to come to the conclusion that i would rather have 20 cats named lenny than experience heart break. It was good to feel once i think... but i don't know if i could bare it again... I really don't know if i have it in me. I'm so down on myself as it is, that would only worsen things. You know??? I don't know why i'm trying to find a man... I don't love myself so i can't love someone else... Right? Isn't that how it goes??
Well regardless of my confidence, I can't go through with it. I just can't bring myself to speak or even walk to him. Its so fucking stupid and i hate myself even more for that... >< Like kirstie said... i'm being a pussy cry baby who needs to grow some balls...
*didn't enjoy that statement*
But you know what... FUCK IT ALL!
SSDD
Oh man, more angst ridden entries, that seems to be your specialty livejournal! Okay, so I couldn't pick up my check today because i forgot my wallet, that sucks so much ass. Second thing on the docket, I feel like i'm being idle. I hate being idle, especially when it comes to civil libierties. LMC dissappoints me greatly... I need to speak to the student government and give them a piece of my mind for their deciscion. It will have been the worst mistake they have ever made.
Now that thats out of the way, more guy stuff that has been killing me. Hot tutor... OMG, i figure he knows it was me who wrote the damn thing, he hasn't approached me than fuck it. That is a sign that hes not interested... And then I've got all my sisters telling me to go for it, and do it, and its like... Why set myself up for some sort of failure when obvsiously hes not diggin me. Thats what sucks about it, is that hes just too handsome i guess for me. Like i must not be cute enough for him to care. *Shrug* who the hell knows... But i do know for sure that it sucks, and i think its not worth it. I'm not going to go for something i should know isn't going to work out.
Then i'm having all these weird thoughts about my life. My birthday is in a week and i'm going to be 22. Its like, i'm at the age where i need to start making a difference and achieve some of my goals. I have not done any of those things and its like... I sit there and see all these young people doing things and changing the world, yet here i sit a few years older than they are doing nothing. It stinks, and its my own doing. I set myself up for certain things.... Does that even make sense?? *prolly not*
I swear though, its like... heart break city and i'm starting to come to the conclusion that i would rather have 20 cats named lenny than experience heart break. It was good to feel once i think... but i don't know if i could bare it again... I really don't know if i have it in me. I'm so down on myself as it is, that would only worsen things. You know??? I don't know why i'm trying to find a man... I don't love myself so i can't love someone else... Right? Isn't that how it goes??
Well regardless of my confidence, I can't go through with it. I just can't bring myself to speak or even walk to him. Its so fucking stupid and i hate myself even more for that... >< Like kirstie said... i'm being a pussy cry baby who needs to grow some balls...
*didn't enjoy that statement*
But you know what... FUCK IT ALL!
SSDD