Maybe not, but it's the only thing I know how to do
Dear H,
Well lets see. I'll start with the most recent thing that is affecting my life. So Thursday at work, sexy matt carle emt comes in, we chop it up, he leaves. My creepy stalker number two comes in to bug me, and he stands up at the counter for like twenty mins. EMT comes back in and calls me over for help. He then proceeds to tell me about how he could tell that i didn't want that guy talking to me, so he stood up there for like ten mins and finally creepy left. Then he checked out a book and left. when he came back in to check it in, i asked him if he wanted to go out and do something sometime and he hella... did the... "uh, oh uh... uh... i have... a girlfriend" So it sucked, it sucked so bad that it just sucked. UUUUUUG, worst feeling in the world right there.
So yea, there is that... And like, i've been super emo, what else is new? I just am low on myself, mostly coz of that crap yesterday... but also just coz like... Miku said i could only flirt with freakos, and i think hes right. I'm about to be 22 and its like... what have i honestly done? >< Nothing fun thats for sure... But yea, mostly just me being down on myself. On valentines day at the movies i swore that i was going to 1. ask someone out, succeed or fail 2. go on a date. Those were promises i intended to keep, and so I did, and i got shot down. Its like, there was a reason i never put myself out there... The rest of day sucked so bad, I had worked 8 to 8. So it was like... i'm smiling on the outside... but crying and dying on the inside! So lame!
But you know, i got to thinking... and i thought hard. And its like, how would you ever know if you didn't risk it? I mean maybe like the hurt inside means that i truly am alive. Like the hurt and sadness i feel means that i am a human. I've felt disconnected from the rest of the world for a long time, and i still do. But i feel i'm one step closer to feeling a part of the human race. I dunno if that makes me sound lame... ha ha... But yea, i am capable of feeling... what a relief? ????
Okay, so i'm feeling dramatic, so what? I really need to work on my speaking skills, like try not to do the uh, and, or like thing. Or cuss, i really need to keep on top of that. Its so hard though. But, i have things that i've got to be able to talk about, and plus its always impressive to talk all jargony! I want to do it >< Okay, so on that note... Emile Hirsch is so gorgeous! He is a fine piece of man!! This guy has got i need to stalk you written all over him. And ya know, it has been a long time since i've been all stalker over someone... But it took seeing speed race once for me to love him. Now i've got to see all of them... i need more stuff... more pictures... more... more!
wow, creepiness aside... i think that is a set back on my growth scale... I thought i had moved past being like that... but apparently not... Well damn, I better go now, Don't want kirstie to be upset at me.
SSDD
Well lets see. I'll start with the most recent thing that is affecting my life. So Thursday at work, sexy matt carle emt comes in, we chop it up, he leaves. My creepy stalker number two comes in to bug me, and he stands up at the counter for like twenty mins. EMT comes back in and calls me over for help. He then proceeds to tell me about how he could tell that i didn't want that guy talking to me, so he stood up there for like ten mins and finally creepy left. Then he checked out a book and left. when he came back in to check it in, i asked him if he wanted to go out and do something sometime and he hella... did the... "uh, oh uh... uh... i have... a girlfriend" So it sucked, it sucked so bad that it just sucked. UUUUUUG, worst feeling in the world right there.
So yea, there is that... And like, i've been super emo, what else is new? I just am low on myself, mostly coz of that crap yesterday... but also just coz like... Miku said i could only flirt with freakos, and i think hes right. I'm about to be 22 and its like... what have i honestly done? >< Nothing fun thats for sure... But yea, mostly just me being down on myself. On valentines day at the movies i swore that i was going to 1. ask someone out, succeed or fail 2. go on a date. Those were promises i intended to keep, and so I did, and i got shot down. Its like, there was a reason i never put myself out there... The rest of day sucked so bad, I had worked 8 to 8. So it was like... i'm smiling on the outside... but crying and dying on the inside! So lame!
But you know, i got to thinking... and i thought hard. And its like, how would you ever know if you didn't risk it? I mean maybe like the hurt inside means that i truly am alive. Like the hurt and sadness i feel means that i am a human. I've felt disconnected from the rest of the world for a long time, and i still do. But i feel i'm one step closer to feeling a part of the human race. I dunno if that makes me sound lame... ha ha... But yea, i am capable of feeling... what a relief? ????
Okay, so i'm feeling dramatic, so what? I really need to work on my speaking skills, like try not to do the uh, and, or like thing. Or cuss, i really need to keep on top of that. Its so hard though. But, i have things that i've got to be able to talk about, and plus its always impressive to talk all jargony! I want to do it >< Okay, so on that note... Emile Hirsch is so gorgeous! He is a fine piece of man!! This guy has got i need to stalk you written all over him. And ya know, it has been a long time since i've been all stalker over someone... But it took seeing speed race once for me to love him. Now i've got to see all of them... i need more stuff... more pictures... more... more!
wow, creepiness aside... i think that is a set back on my growth scale... I thought i had moved past being like that... but apparently not... Well damn, I better go now, Don't want kirstie to be upset at me.
SSDD