(Private)
You know what's awful? what's awful is when you get to that stage in your life where everything is perfect, everything, you just had such an amazing time, and so many people showed how much they love you, and everything is just going so so so so SO SO SO SO swell that you can't even breath, cause everything is is good and so perfect and so nice and so BRILLIANT, that if you feel the slightest bit sad- even the tiniest bit- you feel like such an ungrateful little worm that even thinking it in your head makes you believe that people gotta hate you for it.
So how can I make this feeling stop? Fill up my days with sunshine laughter and friends and activity, and my nights with booze and smoke and in between my lover's thighs, forehead pressed to him, every thrust leading me to earthy nirvana and away from what's real... ? I don't have a fucking clue. I don't know how to get better. I don't even know how to say anymore that I'm sick. How do you ask for help when everyone thinks you're getting better? I'm not getting better.
Everything is grey.
So how can I make this feeling stop? Fill up my days with sunshine laughter and friends and activity, and my nights with booze and smoke and in between my lover's thighs, forehead pressed to him, every thrust leading me to earthy nirvana and away from what's real... ? I don't have a fucking clue. I don't know how to get better. I don't even know how to say anymore that I'm sick. How do you ask for help when everyone thinks you're getting better? I'm not getting better.
Everything is grey.