Where there's a will, there's a way...right?
Personal willpower is something I’m not very familiar with. I mean when I get pushed enough I’ll use it, but I don’t know how to control it. I can be assertive sometimes, but I feel like for the most part I try not to have to be that way. Or I’ll be overly assertive and turn into a selfish bitch. I can’t seem to find the balance.
I know that waiting for moments when I NEED to use my power is not the best way to use it. It is good to know that when I am in situations, I know how to use it. But it is what I should be drawing from all the time. My center is what everything else should stem from. But I either use it too much, or not enough. And it’s scary. I know that I can easily get out of control and do and say things that hurt because I think I’m right.
That is why I am afraid of my own power. Because every time I have used it, I’ve regretted it. I don’t know how to use it properly. And in my mind it makes more sense not to use it at all. But I know I can’t keep saying I want growth and I want change and just sit here waiting. It doesn’t work that way. I have to learn to use my power if I ever want to accomplish all I am capable of. I just don’t know what to do.
I know that waiting for moments when I NEED to use my power is not the best way to use it. It is good to know that when I am in situations, I know how to use it. But it is what I should be drawing from all the time. My center is what everything else should stem from. But I either use it too much, or not enough. And it’s scary. I know that I can easily get out of control and do and say things that hurt because I think I’m right.
That is why I am afraid of my own power. Because every time I have used it, I’ve regretted it. I don’t know how to use it properly. And in my mind it makes more sense not to use it at all. But I know I can’t keep saying I want growth and I want change and just sit here waiting. It doesn’t work that way. I have to learn to use my power if I ever want to accomplish all I am capable of. I just don’t know what to do.