translation from rei's pretentious marketing speak (they're in italics)
Nylon/spandex blend fabric provides a compression fit that supports major muscle groups to increase performance
TIGHT AS FUCK
Fabric is moisture wicking and quick drying
SHIT'S NOT GONNA ABSORB SHIT
Fabric provides UPF 50+ sun protection, shielding skin from harmful ultraviolet rays
SHIT'S FABRIC. IT DOES THINGS THAT ANY FABRIC DOES. BLOCK SHIT OUT FROM THE AIR. LIKE SUNLIGHT, AND ... AIR?
Flatlock seams maximize motion and minimize abrasion
WE USE FANCY SEWING MACHINES, PAY US MORE, BITCHZ
Closeout
WE TRIED TO CHARGE YOU $150 FOR THIS SHIT WHEN YOU CAN GO DOWN TO THE SALVATION ARMY AND PICK UP A 3 SHIRTS FOR 5 BUCKS AND FAILED. PLZ PAY US 40? WE PROMISE TO NEVER SELL IT AGAIN IF YOU DO!!!!!!
TIGHT AS FUCK
Fabric is moisture wicking and quick drying
SHIT'S NOT GONNA ABSORB SHIT
Fabric provides UPF 50+ sun protection, shielding skin from harmful ultraviolet rays
SHIT'S FABRIC. IT DOES THINGS THAT ANY FABRIC DOES. BLOCK SHIT OUT FROM THE AIR. LIKE SUNLIGHT, AND ... AIR?
Flatlock seams maximize motion and minimize abrasion
WE USE FANCY SEWING MACHINES, PAY US MORE, BITCHZ
Closeout
WE TRIED TO CHARGE YOU $150 FOR THIS SHIT WHEN YOU CAN GO DOWN TO THE SALVATION ARMY AND PICK UP A 3 SHIRTS FOR 5 BUCKS AND FAILED. PLZ PAY US 40? WE PROMISE TO NEVER SELL IT AGAIN IF YOU DO!!!!!!