Give me a fucking break life!
I really wish these feelings would go away. I just wish that I could feel normal. All things considered I've been doing my best and pretty damn good. I could really use to not keep having little panic attacks though. I'm almost angry. I know it's selfish but god dammit. They should not have left. It was too early for all three of them. Gram and Gramps I can understand they were old and ready. Even my Aunt Trina who was just miserable and having a horrible time with life due to some really severe anorexia and schizophrenia and killed herself I can even understand that. But FUCK YOU cancer you are the worst thing to happen to mankind, my poor uncle. And FUCK YOU to the motherfucker that drunkenly plowed over my baby Ziggy. You heartless piece of shit I don't know how you sleep at night. I wouldn't fucking hate you so much if you had the god damn balls to call me and tell me what you did. A little humility would have been nice from you. You are a crappy person and a fucking coward. And just FUCK about Monkey... I'll never know exactly what happened or why exactly she bolted under my moving vehicle but i'm fucking mad she's gone. She was only 5 years old. I'm mad that my family is gone. Im trying so hard to move on and I am but I have a really hard time adjusting to big changes and it stresses me so bad. I just wanna be happy all of the time and stop being so anxious. It doesn't suit my lifestyle and it makes me feel like a complete downer. I wanna have fun and choreograph and hula hoop and dance and sing. I wanna feel like me again... I want to take my life back from this pain and I feel like it won't leave me alone. I try so fucking hard and it haunts me through jangly nerves and a heavy chest. I need a vacation. I need to get away from here and all of this. I can not wait till September. I just want to go. Just get in the truck and go...
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