(no subject)
in sun set rain, i fall to my yesterdays outraged and angry and ever more in love twisted like lust in morrows blanket and forever unforgiven. is it lust is it chance, then why do i feel as the betrayer. the one moment that she wanted to return to me i was so jaded i wanted her to suffer i realize i wanted her to feel something other than fulfillment and in that moment i pushed her away, winter forgotten and a phone call Christmas morn. i'm sorry angel, i'm sorry i wanted u to know how i felt and expected u to know without an utterance. u were and are still my heart, you said they were just words but they were truly my vow and no vow no other promise ever meant more than a promise to love and protect to accept and love, it was never less than truth when i said i loved u and now your eyes see meek me in a room, your heart finds me in my darkness and your smile resurrects me. I'm sorry my love my one true heart, until my love for you will last as long as the stars, and like them i will burn ever lonely ever silent and ever tormented. I'm sorry my angel, over and over i am. i lay with her, a paradox in a smile, looking into my self and laid to waste, what will this tattered and broken heart do to anything that tries to mend, i know, it becomes jaded, it grows bitter when she says love, it grows panicked when she says forever, for they are not you, they could never have the patience, that u had, they will never see me weak as u have and they will never know my love. Bridget, every day i confess to the aether, to whatever god even cares to listen, every moment i'm alone I love U, it comes in whispers sometimes in shouts and sometimes in dreams. i ever and always trusted u, i ever and always believed in you. My heart beats fast to think of you, sometimes i hope it beats harder and faster to end this unjust suffering, but that would mean never seeing u again, and that is why i still breath, my two wills holding me in purgatory like a child held in love. I miss you Bridget Robbins, i need you, and i wish i could let u go, but i am a tear drop, wrapped in a paradox hidden in a smile, and they think they fall in love, and i think them fools because thay are not u. i lay with them truly false, saying happy but truly shattered, feeling like i am the betrayer. but i am the paradox kissed by the devil, loved by misery, and help briefly in a moment by an angel.