*sigh*
Disclaimer: This post is not directed at anyone in particular. I’m just irritated and I’ve been keeping this in for a while. I just had to let it out before I exploded at the wrong person. Also, this is not everything that is in my head at the moment, but it’s late and I need to go to bed. With that said...
*sigh* I’m tired...tired of all this crap. I put up with so much bullshit from people it’s not even funny. Why am I always the nice one? Why am I always the one who forgives people for everything and tries to make things ok? Do I have a freaking sign over me that says "walk all over me"? Cause that’s how I feel. Maybe I should just be a total bitch instead. Maybe if I started not caring how people feel, things would change. I think that might be the problem. I actually CARE about my friends. I actually want my friends to be happy. And not just my close friends either. I’m talking people that I haven’t seen or talked to in a while also. I know that it’s not really my job to try to make sure people are happy. But it’s just part of who I am. I’ve been walked on my entire life. And I always just brush it off or ignore it. I make excuses for people. "That’s just who they are. They’re like that to everyone." Honestly, sometimes I don’t want to make excuses. Sometimes I just want to stand up to people and be like "Fuck you!" and actually mean it. But I can’t...that’s not how I am. And I don’t like it when people are mad at me or if they don’t like me. As much as I say that I don’t care, I do. And it really hurts sometimes when people that you care about just flat out don’t give a shit or totally ignore you. I don’t know...maybe it’s just that I’m more alone now than I have ever been. I guess that goes with moving though. It has it’s good and bad points. *deep breath* I just need to keep telling myself that somehow, someway everything will work itself out. At the moment, I don’t see how that is possible, but it will. Eventually.
*sigh* I’m tired...tired of all this crap. I put up with so much bullshit from people it’s not even funny. Why am I always the nice one? Why am I always the one who forgives people for everything and tries to make things ok? Do I have a freaking sign over me that says "walk all over me"? Cause that’s how I feel. Maybe I should just be a total bitch instead. Maybe if I started not caring how people feel, things would change. I think that might be the problem. I actually CARE about my friends. I actually want my friends to be happy. And not just my close friends either. I’m talking people that I haven’t seen or talked to in a while also. I know that it’s not really my job to try to make sure people are happy. But it’s just part of who I am. I’ve been walked on my entire life. And I always just brush it off or ignore it. I make excuses for people. "That’s just who they are. They’re like that to everyone." Honestly, sometimes I don’t want to make excuses. Sometimes I just want to stand up to people and be like "Fuck you!" and actually mean it. But I can’t...that’s not how I am. And I don’t like it when people are mad at me or if they don’t like me. As much as I say that I don’t care, I do. And it really hurts sometimes when people that you care about just flat out don’t give a shit or totally ignore you. I don’t know...maybe it’s just that I’m more alone now than I have ever been. I guess that goes with moving though. It has it’s good and bad points. *deep breath* I just need to keep telling myself that somehow, someway everything will work itself out. At the moment, I don’t see how that is possible, but it will. Eventually.