As Of Recent
So yesterday, I ran into Mike,...he was asking about my travels in Italy and I showed him some pictures from my live journal. I have not been keeping up with it for whatever reason whether it be because I haven’t really had access to internet on a regular basis, haven’t had time, or haven’t been doing much with my life recently that compares with that period, so it doesn't really feel worth spending the time to document, I don't know.
I do know that my friend Byler hung himself last Thursday. It brings suicide so close to home. That is just it, you just make what is basically a quick decision, and snap, it is all over with. Hanging is one thing, you at least have to man up to the idea of the pain that would be felt while suffocating. What about a gun, just basically a button and like the snap of a finger it is all over.
Life is weird.
Anyways about life in general lately, I am living with my sister right now, which kind of sucks. It kind of doesn't suck as well. I don't have to pay rent, or utilities, even though I offered, I tried to give Angela money and she wouldn't take it. She just said it was payment enough with me helping watch my nephew.
It kind of sucks having to watch him because I am already a fulltime student. So when I work 10 hours a week outside of school, that is a 50 hours week, plus babysitting, leaves no time to relax and have fun with my boyfriend or friends.
I don't feel like I have complained sufficiently yet, I am just really sad lately. I could put my finger on a million things, other people, situations, but really it's just me. I feel weird, like my brain doesn’t work, or my body is broken or addicted to weird things that I know are not good for me, most of all I get sad when I can't get anything done.
Sad isn't really the word. Sad is good. I felt sad for the first time in a long time after sitting in the painting room for five hours straight painting.
Normally I feel like I can't sit and focus on anyone thing long enough to get it done, and my school work has been suffering as a result.
Even just working at the Leisure Club, if I don't write things down, basically immediately, I forget them. I fuck up peoples orders on occasion. I am rambling...
I am going to put up some photos...