(no subject)
so this summer: essentially if i dont get a job at this coffeeshop in Northfield, i'll be at home. my next option is a summer camp position that i'm applying for. and if i dont get that, then it's most likely JCPenneys. either way, i'm not too excited for this summer. if i'm in northfield, i probably won't do much. if i'm at home, i probably won't do much. the camp thing sounds fun...but i dont know.
right now: i realized that recently i've been all about walking. normally i hate walking. but i've been walking to walgreens quite a bit. this is due to my current and longstanding obsession with haribo gummy bears.
other realizations:
-next year is going to be hell. basically im living in a single, which means that i won't see anyone. because i'm really bad at calling people to hang out with me cuz i have this strange complex about whether they really want to hang out with me or if they feel bad. and with a single, i could easily stay in there for a while without anyone really realizing it. and 90 percent of my very friends in my year will be off-campus fall term and the kids in the year below me will be in different buildings and i realized that i was never the person who was sought after to hang out with, i just happened to hear noise in the hall and joined and tagged along. that's not going to be possible next year so.... i'm worried.
-i dont believe in the innate goodness of people. i don't believe people are naturally good. i dont really know how to justify this. it's just one of those beliefs i've developed over the last few weeks. i realized this while listening to "indian sunset" by elton john, reading about Patrice Lumumba's death and reading about US Govt LSD Mind Control experiments in the 50s and 60s. but yeah. it's an interesting way to look at life. slightly pessimistic...but as i like to say, there are worse things in the world.
-there is very little to distinguish me from the next person. i realized this after being rejected for 7 different jobs on campus. like i have very few distinguishing features that make me better than the next person.
-i also have a tendency of apologizing a lot. most of the time for things that i didn't do. i dont know why.
- i need to stop holding on to certain things. such as this crush on this boy. cuz it's going nowhere.
so this was bitter. i'm in a bad mood. oh well. tis life.
right now: i realized that recently i've been all about walking. normally i hate walking. but i've been walking to walgreens quite a bit. this is due to my current and longstanding obsession with haribo gummy bears.
other realizations:
-next year is going to be hell. basically im living in a single, which means that i won't see anyone. because i'm really bad at calling people to hang out with me cuz i have this strange complex about whether they really want to hang out with me or if they feel bad. and with a single, i could easily stay in there for a while without anyone really realizing it. and 90 percent of my very friends in my year will be off-campus fall term and the kids in the year below me will be in different buildings and i realized that i was never the person who was sought after to hang out with, i just happened to hear noise in the hall and joined and tagged along. that's not going to be possible next year so.... i'm worried.
-i dont believe in the innate goodness of people. i don't believe people are naturally good. i dont really know how to justify this. it's just one of those beliefs i've developed over the last few weeks. i realized this while listening to "indian sunset" by elton john, reading about Patrice Lumumba's death and reading about US Govt LSD Mind Control experiments in the 50s and 60s. but yeah. it's an interesting way to look at life. slightly pessimistic...but as i like to say, there are worse things in the world.
-there is very little to distinguish me from the next person. i realized this after being rejected for 7 different jobs on campus. like i have very few distinguishing features that make me better than the next person.
-i also have a tendency of apologizing a lot. most of the time for things that i didn't do. i dont know why.
- i need to stop holding on to certain things. such as this crush on this boy. cuz it's going nowhere.
so this was bitter. i'm in a bad mood. oh well. tis life.