Last nights silly, in summary form...heh...
Many things have happened in the past couple days, and I know right now I'm going to end up going out of order, but I'll do my best. In an un fathomable display of unselfishness, Amy e-mailed me to inform me that she was going to do her best to show up to a musical theater production in which I was one of the leads in. Now this is the first show I've ever done in college, and she knew full well how much it meant to me, as I knew how passionate she is about acting. While we were still together, she decided she just wouldn't support me in this endeavor under the reasoning that she didn't like what the show stood for. The show is "Pippin," for those of you that have heard of it, and for those of you that haven't, its about the son of emperor of the holy Roman Empire Charlemagne (thats me, hehehe), who has never been stisfied in life and is in utter dispair. So a devil like being by the name of leading player tempts him with war, sex, power, love, and other goodies... Any way, I'm straying from my point, she wouldn't come. Huge stressor on the Ian, and since the rehersals became more and more overbearing, and school work was getting rougher, and I had a girlfriend who wasn't there for me, I became upset bitter person for a short while. And when Amy threw all of her problems on me and was upset that I wasn't happy with her, she became depressed, not to sound selfish, but more stress on me. Now bear in mind that all of this madness went down about three weeks ago. Back to my tale, our three year anniversary slides on by on septmber 21st, and though things were rough, I couldn't ignore such a great date! I bought her three red roses (to represtent our three years past that were a little rough), a white rose (for a new year, and a chance to fix things), and a blue orchid (because it was pretty). I drove from my college back to Poolesville (about a half hour) and met her just as school was letting out at her high school. I suprised her at her car, and gave her a huge hug and kiss. "oh, thank you..." and she passed the flowers to her sister in the seat next to her. Granted, I didn't go all out for the occasion, but I was hoping a little more a response... So a few Hours went by, and I had to go back to campus for Pippin rehersal. So sat in my car and she sat on my lap, and I don't know how it started, but we got into an arguement. And with the lack of caring with the flowers, and everything else that was going wrong in the world, the aguement became pretty heated, pretty quick. She said things that I couldn't imagine she thought was true, like I do nothing in the relationship, that I'd rather hang out with my friend than her, and that essentially, "we," were falling apart because of me. And I finally snapped, I said " fuck you, you don't know what your talking about and I have to go..." And when I'm hurt or upset, my face shows it. I've never spoken to her in all the four years I've known her, and I've never laid a harmful fingure on her, but when sh saw my face, and heard what I said, she was horrified, and slowly got off my lap and backed away. I drove off, back to school and did my best not to think of what had just occured. A few days pass, without either of speaking to each other, and late one night, the whole cast of the show and I are at Bennigan's (great Irish food) and I had just placed my order when Alex (good friend of mine who I kind of been living with through out the semester) came to me with his cell phone explaining Amy called him asking for me (I don't have a cell...I know...) So I walk outside, and I call her back. I hear the click of her answering, and a few sniffs. I don't remeber any of the actual conversation except it was merely a reinactment of our previous battle, that extended past the our food arrived, and people were leaving. I ended it by saying " I'm going now, and when your mature enough to talk to me, call me back..." And I hung up. I of course was in tears ny that time, and when the people that were still in the resteraunt saw me, the automatically thought she had dumped me. (Ah some forshadowing) She didn't call back for a week, and the seventh day, she called, said Game Over, and that was that. So for the next couple weeks, we didn't talk, and if we did, it was both of us trying to explain our reasoning behind everything. Much has happened in those weeks, but I'm out of time so I must hurry, she ended up mailing me that she was in fact going to come she the show. Now you must understand, aparently she has never stopped loving me, and she eventually does wan't to get back with me, what she didn't know, was the feeling wasn't mutual. But, the fact that she was going to come the show anyway meant alot, enough in fact that I thought she may have changed enough in fact that maybe things could work out. Show opens on Wensday, no Amy...Thursaday and Friday slip by, excellent shows, but still no brown eyes looking up at me telling my how proud they are they saw my best acting ever...Saterday was an even better performance, but still no Amy...In my heart I knew she wouldn't lie about somthing like this... Our last show comes, Sunday matine, and I put my soul into my character, and for the first time I was actually nervous before the show, because I knew she would be out there, witnessing what I had been apart of that partially broke us up. It was glorious, everything went great, and I had in fact dedicated my performance to her...But she'll never know that, because she never came,so she can never have a program... It hurt so bad, standing in the foyer of the performing arts center, everyone shaking my hand, telling me how well I did, how impressed they were, when all I could say was thank you, and think about how the one person I wanted to impress so badly, to show why things were the way they were, wasn't there. I think it's kind of funny, she called last night, which was in fact the cast party of Pippin. She said she had to work...Understandable...not really...I don't know, I missed her homcoming dance because of this show, and she missed my show as a whole...Tut tut, and she still asked my if I loved her, that if I wanted to be with her. Then she asked me if I was moving on... "so quickly? after a three year long relationship?" Yes... I am...I'm going to try at least. I know she didn't mean it this time, but the fact that she said she didn't want to come in the first place, utter selfishness ployed on the person she "loved" and that had always been there for her. Tut tut indeed. this whole entry is pure thought process, apropriate look back at my title heh... Well, we'll see what happens next, toodles for now, and kudos if you read through this whole thing in one sitting.