Not Ready to Sing Nice
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So after Haley is finally sent packing last week, the producers feared that Phil and Sanjaya wouldn't be able to meet the quota of "suck" that needs to be met each week...their solution? COUNTRY WEEK, where everyone gets very confused and dances around in pseudo-cowboy print shawls.
The show opens up with Ryan paying respect to the Virginia Tech victims which I really appreciate. I wondered how they would address the topic and I'm glad they made reference to it.
Onto tonight...Ryan says that tonight's theme is country and that the genre has been very good to past idols...I'm like...let me count...Carrie Underwood...Kellie Pickler (kinda?)...um...that's it. Well anyway, he says that because Carrie won like a Grammy and sings Dixie Chick songs that this year's idols should to great tonight. That's logically Ryan. He introduces the judges. Whatever...blah blah...let's get on with this.
He says that when they had to think of a country mentor, there was really only one choice...Shania Twain? Tim McGraw? DIXIE CHICKS?!...no Martina McBride who doesn't seem to be the most prestigious country singer...but whatever. She's pretty and actually smart, musically. There is a quick shot of all the idols pretending to sing along with her. Come on guys...you aren't Kellie or Bucky, so you're not fooling anyone. At the end of the video she says "Oh this is gonna be fun." Oh Martina, how little you know about American Idol.
Phil Stacey
During his video, Phil and Martina kabitz about where they live in the south and how awesome it is. He's singing some song called "Where the Blacktop Is"...it sounds familiar I dunno. He said it reminds him of playing in the dirt as a kid (???). Martina said he was a little stiff but that he does have some soul in him. He belts and Martina looks on with this awesome, unimpressed face.
He comes out wearing some glittering pin-strip shirt...PHIL, it isn't 80's night. He pulls a Haley and eyefucks the audience before going out there and highfiving some random people. On the dive-off bleacher-stage he struts around and actually sounds pretty good. This is the kind of music I think he should have been singing all along...before it got to a point where everyone hates him regardless of his singing.
Randy is surpised that it was good and said that he could have a career singing country music, since as we all know, he IS an established record producer. Paula, piggybacks Randy and says that he actually sang a song all the way through without fucking up. Simon says that it is the only time throughout the past ten weeks that Phil actually sounded good. Ryan comes out and asks if he is surprised that he didn't get reemed by the judges and Phil is all like "this is the kind of music I want to be doing" and I'm all like "then why the fuck haven't you been singing it all along, ass?" Simon interjects in that even though he was good tonight, he still doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of staying another two weeks. I laugh and laugh and laugh. I love it when Simon reads my mind.
Jordin Sparxxx
She is singing that "Broken Wing" by Martina herself. In the clip she belts her ass off and Martina is actually speechless. She tells her to not worry about moving around the stage and to focus more on just feeling it. Aw...cute.
Jordin is dressed like some sort of large strawberry Fruit-Roll-Up, with some of the plastic wrapper still attached and glistening under the spotlights. That aside, her face is beautiful. She looks actually quite mature which contradicts my criticism that she is kinda TOO girly and bubbly. Her voice is spot-on today and she belts everything just right. This performance actually took my breath away. What I love even more is that she didn't resort right back to her kooky-teenager persona the second the song ended...she kept her cool and made her look very elegant and well-poised.
Randy says that this is one of the hardest songs in the entire world of all time ever to sing, and that Jordin kicked its ass. Paula loves Jordin (and so does the audience as some girls scream at her). Simon makes a very bold statement and says that Jordin could actually win the whole show...haha...I love how people are surprised to hear that they have a chance of winning, basically acknowledging the fact that it's about how long you can stay in the competition before Melinda ends up winning the whole damn thing. Ryan asks her when she gets nervous and she says after the performance, which is odd but cute and then she tells Ryan to shut the fuck cuz he is bugging her out.
---MY FAVORITE COMMERCIAL EVER PLAYS DURING THE BREAK!!! DOWNTOOOOOWN!!!---
Sanjaya Malakar
Sanjaya, Sanjaya, Sanjaya...I am almost positive that he is trying to get the boot from the show. He looks like a slightly butch high school art teacher who likes to make sculptures out of old soda bottles, owns a lot of dogs and in her spare time works as an independent mechanic. His haid is all ruffled and dirty looking and is sprouting from underneath a hideous red bandana and I just shake my head in shame. During the video, Martina echoes my main criticism from the past few weeks: he has a great tone that is really sweet, but he is choosing songs that are too upbeat and wild that simply don't match his quiet voice. I don't know why he insists of singing these loud songs so softly...it just sounds week and makes you seem nervous and unskilled. Ug...to top it all off, he is singing that Kellie Pickler song from last season "Let's Give Them Something To Talk About" and then goes on to say that there always seems to be something to say about him, and I'm like...uhhuh...Sanjaya, no one cares about your hair, homosexuality (?) or non-voice...this week everyone is all about your supa hot sister and that naked picture of her wearing a guitar on the internet.
And of course...he goes against Martina and I's wishes...he sings the song all weak and shit and gets all lost in his lower register. He moves over the background singers and flirts with them as they are all like, "man, get your non-voice outta my hair". He struts through the audience for a little bit. He then goes back on stage and belts and says something like "let's give them a mystery to figure out" and I'm all like "honey, I figured out your secret the first second I saw you." It's just really rough and disappointing especially after his pretty good performance last week.
Randy thought it was kareoke...duh. Paula starts to say something about his singing and then stops and starts talking about how he likes to have fun instead. Cop out. Simon calls him absolutely herendous. Ryan comes out to aid his boyfriend and claims that Simon would hate Sanjaya no matter what he sang. Simon calmly is like..."no, bitch, I liked him last week and I blatantly stated it." He tries to start a fight, and the other judges tell Ryan to shut up. Simon then throws it down and is like "it was funny to vote for Sanjaya when like Haley, Fantasia, Jack Osbourne, Gina and that other guy were there, but now that the shitty singers are all peaced out and some of the actually talented ones run the risk of being voted off before Sanjaya, it's a little ridiculous." Truer words haven't been spoken.
LaKisha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So when we get back...I am immediately sent into a tizzy of concern for my beloved Kee-Kee. Firstly, its country night and people with actual souls tend to bomb this week (case in point, Mandisa...even though she hates gays and is crazy). Secondly, she tells us she will be singing that "Jesus, Take the Wheel" song by Carrie "Some Hearts" Underwood...and if I remember correctly, the last time anyone sang an Idol alum song on the show (Lisa Tucker butchering "Because Of You" last season) my ears bled for half a day. But! She made Martina cry..."she really relates" to the song and I totally agree.
She looks very pretty this week with huge gold bootss. She sings the first few verses very well and the song sounds like something that I might actually like...it reminds me of that "Fast Car" song by Tracy Chapman. As the chorus kicks in, Kee-Kee gets a little lost in the background singers and the music and she sounds like she is shouting for awhile...whatever, she really connects with the lyrics and for once she seems very vulnerable. It was pretty moving.
Randy tells her to act like Chris Daughtry sing every song regardless of what genre week it is exactly the same. Blah blah...sing gospel. Shut up Randy. Paula, you too, don't even talk...no, why are you talking? Stop agreeing with Randy! Everyone booed her and I laughed. Some awesome girls in the audience say they love Kee-Kee. HEEE! Simon calls her a hamburger at breakfast which I kinda get. Simon admits that he thinks she is the one to beat and that she needs to start choosing the right songs.
Chris "Cherry Coke" Richardson
He is singing some Rascal Flatts song and I roll my eyes. I hate Rascal Flatts for no reason. Martina is like...that's a bad song to choose, but his voice fits this style of music well...and I AGREE! I love Martina.
The nasally tone of his voice really fits well with the crazy looking violinist and banjo player and the twangy sound of the song. He gets a little too wild with all the runs and overshoots some of the notes. And even though his voice fits this song well, he seems really fucking uncomfortable, wincing at the camera at some points as though he was in pain.
Randy sucks up to mentor this week...as usual and says that Martina was right about him. He said that it was pretty pitchy and that he sounded like a Carrie Underwood-bot and lacked any real emotion. Paula kinda understands and says that the joy he has didn't come through. Simon is confused that the audience gave him a standing ovation, when the performance was rather "insignificant". Chris then pulls some attitude out of his ass and is all like "Nasally is a kind of singing, just in case you didn't know" and I'm like, you douchebag...you lost so many points in my book right now cuz, A) nasally isn't a type of singing...it's a tone in your voice...and B)don't question Simon's musical knowledge...he obviously has made a living off of his intelligence in regards to singing, so by questioning him you just look like a huge whiney brat who can't take criticism.
Melinda Do-Lots
During her video, she tells us that she's singing some song that not even MARTINA has heard. It sounds funky and pretty awesome. Martina calls her out on being too shy and I'm like...FINALLY SOMEONE POINTS HER OVERTLY TIMID BEHAVIOR AND HOW IT IS VAGUELY ANNOYING.
Melinda looks the best she has yet, in my opinion. Her hair looks beautiful and her clothes lack any thick stomach belts (hooray!). She has definitely dropped the quiet act and is sassy and glaring at the camera all awesome like. I think this is my favorite performance of hers...it's both good and different when compared with her recent performances.
Randy thought it was solid and says that she is the "resident-pro". Ha...once again pointing out who is gonna win. Paula says something. Simon prefaces his compliment with a bitchslap by saying that she needs to "lose the surprise" and I die. So true thank god. Then he tells her she is amazing and that she is perfect in everyway. He finishes his compliment by saying that she needs to cut that "I'm a good singer?" bullshit out, cuz its getting mad played out.
Blake Lewis
Back from commercial break and Ryan is standing in a crowd of multi-colored topped sorority chicks her are SuPeR ExCiTeD to see <3Blake<3! He is gonna be singing some Tim McGraw song. Ug...(note: I would say "ug" no matter what he sang...just cuz it is Blake). Martina thinks he will do a good job and that he really needs to try and hit his head voice, cuz that's where he will shine this week...and I agree again.
The song meanders quite a bit and I can't tell if he really is with the beat or if he is singing in the right key, but there is something off. The falsetto is nice as are some of the longer sustained notes and some moments where he goes a step up when the song expects him to go down. It was on and off.
Randy loved his sense of style and that he picked the right song. Paula mentions how brilliant his package it is and how he has great choreography (aka doing one Michael Jackson spin). Simon thought it was ok.
For the bottom three? I think Chris definitely for being an ass to Simon, Sanjaya for being annoying and not being a novelty act anymore, and Phil cuz even though he did a good job this week, his time is pretty much up...however, I can see a shake up this week with maybe my darlin' LaKisha dipping into the bottom three...doesn't matter though, I think Sanjaya's time just might be up.