(no subject)
It's so very important to feel worthy, accepted, and listened to. It's so vital to feel that you can fully be yourself without fear of criticism or negligence, and without hedging your true self or the expression thereof in order to please others.
I discovered today that the aforementioned was, and is, a way of communication deep-seated in my personality.
Growing up, I was not paid much attention; my opinion held little to no validity unless I played down my emotion or assumed a different role. If I acted the part - the part of who everyone wanted me to be - then I would receive love and recognition. The alternative risked a loss of love and a greater likelihood of ostracism.
When two contradictory viewpoints collide, and the holders of these viewpoints take the contradictions personally, one or both may (1) react abrasively; (2) react conciliatorily (or meekly, and back down), or; (3) they can accept the other's view and agree to disagree. For a lot of relationships I've had, the other person has taken the first action, and I played the part of the adherent to the second action. These other people have well-developed senses of self and are more fully in-touch with their emotions than I.
I do not intend to fault anyone for these pathways of development - it's just unfortunate that epiphanies often take these tear-stained breakdowns to achieve them.
One of my greatest needs is to be listened to. This need does not always receive fulfillment by virtue of my politeness toward others, and my personal creed that everyone's perspective deserves a fair shake. Therefore, if you have something to say, I will let you speak ad nauseam, often to my own detriment.
I might edit some of this later, but I wanted to scribe this stuff before these thoughts vanish. Toodles, ladies and gents.
I discovered today that the aforementioned was, and is, a way of communication deep-seated in my personality.
Growing up, I was not paid much attention; my opinion held little to no validity unless I played down my emotion or assumed a different role. If I acted the part - the part of who everyone wanted me to be - then I would receive love and recognition. The alternative risked a loss of love and a greater likelihood of ostracism.
When two contradictory viewpoints collide, and the holders of these viewpoints take the contradictions personally, one or both may (1) react abrasively; (2) react conciliatorily (or meekly, and back down), or; (3) they can accept the other's view and agree to disagree. For a lot of relationships I've had, the other person has taken the first action, and I played the part of the adherent to the second action. These other people have well-developed senses of self and are more fully in-touch with their emotions than I.
I do not intend to fault anyone for these pathways of development - it's just unfortunate that epiphanies often take these tear-stained breakdowns to achieve them.
One of my greatest needs is to be listened to. This need does not always receive fulfillment by virtue of my politeness toward others, and my personal creed that everyone's perspective deserves a fair shake. Therefore, if you have something to say, I will let you speak ad nauseam, often to my own detriment.
I might edit some of this later, but I wanted to scribe this stuff before these thoughts vanish. Toodles, ladies and gents.