Saying goodbye is never easy for me :(
A new post and another penny for my thoughts.
Today is the start of my last week at TLL (well, 7 Oct was the start, but it's past midnight now). It's weird. I've been looking forward to this day for MONTHS now and given the amount of work I have to mark by this Sunday, I shouldn't have this much time to be thinking of anything else.
But while I was marking the pile of work from my Wed 3pm class, I suddenly felt so... sad. It's finally hit me that I'm not gonna see these kids anymore. It's such a shame because I think I really, really liked this class. I used to think that P4s were at the annoying age, but this class has been so lovely and cooperative for the whole year in spite of the constant changes and arrangements due to COVID. They've always been so accommodating and at the end of the day, eager to learn.
I'm hoping that these feelings only last today. I'm hoping that I feel this much pain only because I love this class. I don't want to end the rest of my classes this way, feeling heartbroken and devastated that I'll never see my kids again.
My favourite little girl, Samantha, wrote me a cute little card and shyly passed it to me at the end of class. I really do love her. Another student said in the public chat "I WILL REALLY MISS YOU!!!!" - didn't read that till I rewatched the Zoom recording just now.
I guess since two weeks ago, I've hardened my heart as I knew these goodbyes were coming. The last two weeks with my P6s, I told myself "good riddance" and I think it was since then that I started to close my heart to these feelings. Because I knew that if I let myself feel any sort of longing to continue on with them, I can't bid a clean farewell on my last day. So these past 3 weeks have come and gone, seeing my kids physically all for the last time. Today is the first day of the final week and after spending hours marking their hard work (a giant pile!), I've let myself feel heartbroken at the thought of never seeing this class again.
The past year has been hell at work - having to cope with different modes of teaching, suddenly being thrown to teach fully online with no resources or prior training, having to cope with insane requests and angry messages from parents. The list goes on and I have been SO EAGER to leave this company. But now that the time is finally approaching, I guess I'm getting cold feet.
I will miss my students. I will miss those I have taught for the past 10 months, I will miss those I have taught for the past 2 years, that one class I've taught for 3 years, heck, I still miss some kids who already graduated last year. But I've accepted that this is the kind of person I am. I do so much because I want my kids to grow into good people, I feel so much for them as a result and whenever they leave (this time, when I leave), I know it will hurt. But I fully embrace it. This is me. I feel things and I feel them in volumes. I like connecting with kids and I love doing the little things that bond people together. Perhaps this is my life calling, to continue in this line of work. If so, I'm glad I've found a career path to last me my lifetime. And if so, I am preparing my heart for the batches and waves of students who will walk in and out of my life.
One day I hope to look back at this post and realise it was the start of a new dream (or maybe a finally-realised dream?). I've always wanted to be a teacher, and this year I've finally started to feel like I've become one (I've received so many meaningful teacher's day cards this year!! T_T). Someone my kids enjoy seeing once a week, someone my kids look up to for advice, someone my kids feel sad to bid farewell to. I said it today but I'll say it again; no matter what their cards say, they will never miss me more than I will think of them.
Children, thank you for being a part of my 3-year journey. I sure as hell hope that my heart doesn't feel this much for the rest of my classes, because if it does then my feelings will be in a mess and I'll be screwed by the end of the week. Stay tuned to find out!
Today is the start of my last week at TLL (well, 7 Oct was the start, but it's past midnight now). It's weird. I've been looking forward to this day for MONTHS now and given the amount of work I have to mark by this Sunday, I shouldn't have this much time to be thinking of anything else.
But while I was marking the pile of work from my Wed 3pm class, I suddenly felt so... sad. It's finally hit me that I'm not gonna see these kids anymore. It's such a shame because I think I really, really liked this class. I used to think that P4s were at the annoying age, but this class has been so lovely and cooperative for the whole year in spite of the constant changes and arrangements due to COVID. They've always been so accommodating and at the end of the day, eager to learn.
I'm hoping that these feelings only last today. I'm hoping that I feel this much pain only because I love this class. I don't want to end the rest of my classes this way, feeling heartbroken and devastated that I'll never see my kids again.
My favourite little girl, Samantha, wrote me a cute little card and shyly passed it to me at the end of class. I really do love her. Another student said in the public chat "I WILL REALLY MISS YOU!!!!" - didn't read that till I rewatched the Zoom recording just now.
I guess since two weeks ago, I've hardened my heart as I knew these goodbyes were coming. The last two weeks with my P6s, I told myself "good riddance" and I think it was since then that I started to close my heart to these feelings. Because I knew that if I let myself feel any sort of longing to continue on with them, I can't bid a clean farewell on my last day. So these past 3 weeks have come and gone, seeing my kids physically all for the last time. Today is the first day of the final week and after spending hours marking their hard work (a giant pile!), I've let myself feel heartbroken at the thought of never seeing this class again.
The past year has been hell at work - having to cope with different modes of teaching, suddenly being thrown to teach fully online with no resources or prior training, having to cope with insane requests and angry messages from parents. The list goes on and I have been SO EAGER to leave this company. But now that the time is finally approaching, I guess I'm getting cold feet.
I will miss my students. I will miss those I have taught for the past 10 months, I will miss those I have taught for the past 2 years, that one class I've taught for 3 years, heck, I still miss some kids who already graduated last year. But I've accepted that this is the kind of person I am. I do so much because I want my kids to grow into good people, I feel so much for them as a result and whenever they leave (this time, when I leave), I know it will hurt. But I fully embrace it. This is me. I feel things and I feel them in volumes. I like connecting with kids and I love doing the little things that bond people together. Perhaps this is my life calling, to continue in this line of work. If so, I'm glad I've found a career path to last me my lifetime. And if so, I am preparing my heart for the batches and waves of students who will walk in and out of my life.
One day I hope to look back at this post and realise it was the start of a new dream (or maybe a finally-realised dream?). I've always wanted to be a teacher, and this year I've finally started to feel like I've become one (I've received so many meaningful teacher's day cards this year!! T_T). Someone my kids enjoy seeing once a week, someone my kids look up to for advice, someone my kids feel sad to bid farewell to. I said it today but I'll say it again; no matter what their cards say, they will never miss me more than I will think of them.
Children, thank you for being a part of my 3-year journey. I sure as hell hope that my heart doesn't feel this much for the rest of my classes, because if it does then my feelings will be in a mess and I'll be screwed by the end of the week. Stay tuned to find out!