push it all away
today started off as really good, and then it became super shitty.
i'm not very happy with my dad right now at all. AT ALL. for the past few months, he has been horrible towards my mom. he called and i told him that i was having my birthday party and that my mom and her boyfriend, tommy, were helping me out. he took it all offensive and called my mom in another one of his tempers and said something like, "you fucking bitch, you and your fucking alcoholic boyfriend," and was cussing her out, blowing the ENTIRE thing out of porportion. he left her a voicemail, and she let me listen to it. it really pissed me off. my dad kept calling on and off for the next hour and a half, until finally i answered my phone. i told him he had absolutely no business talking to my mother that way, and that he doesn't need to be acting so immature. she has absolutely nothing against him, never once has she continuiously said the vulgar things that my dad says to her to him. i told him this, and he went ballistic. i finally hung up on him. that seriously ruined my day, right there. i've been dealing with this mostly for the past year, and i'm sick of it. i'm sick of how he is, and i don't ever want to be like him. ever.
now i'm sitting here as my mom is crying in the other room over the same things i felt like crying over earlier. my dad can be the worst fucking asshole sometimes, i wish i could say i hate him, but i can't. i could never hate anybody, but this is just too much. i feel so caught in the middle and there's not one thing i can do about it. not one fucking thing. it's how he is, it's how he always be until the day he dies. he's never going to change, and that's what i hate. because he needs to. he's an obsessive compulsive control freak, and he's pissed off at my mom because he has no control anymore. he's hardly around, and when he is it's just chaos.
which leads me to another thing. tommy. i love him to death, he is in some ways like another parent to me, but in other ways he isn't. i admit, i hate that he's been coming around way too much than he should lately. he spent the night almost all last week, and last night, when my mom said he wasn't going to. i don't like it at all, it's invasive. i appreciate everything that he does, and what a good heart he has, but sometimes he tries to test his "authority" where it doesn't need to be tested. i can't say something to him, without him repeating it to my mom in one way or another, and it bothers me. i guess i'm just knit-picking at people right now because of my bad mood. so i'll stop.
i'm not very happy with my dad right now at all. AT ALL. for the past few months, he has been horrible towards my mom. he called and i told him that i was having my birthday party and that my mom and her boyfriend, tommy, were helping me out. he took it all offensive and called my mom in another one of his tempers and said something like, "you fucking bitch, you and your fucking alcoholic boyfriend," and was cussing her out, blowing the ENTIRE thing out of porportion. he left her a voicemail, and she let me listen to it. it really pissed me off. my dad kept calling on and off for the next hour and a half, until finally i answered my phone. i told him he had absolutely no business talking to my mother that way, and that he doesn't need to be acting so immature. she has absolutely nothing against him, never once has she continuiously said the vulgar things that my dad says to her to him. i told him this, and he went ballistic. i finally hung up on him. that seriously ruined my day, right there. i've been dealing with this mostly for the past year, and i'm sick of it. i'm sick of how he is, and i don't ever want to be like him. ever.
now i'm sitting here as my mom is crying in the other room over the same things i felt like crying over earlier. my dad can be the worst fucking asshole sometimes, i wish i could say i hate him, but i can't. i could never hate anybody, but this is just too much. i feel so caught in the middle and there's not one thing i can do about it. not one fucking thing. it's how he is, it's how he always be until the day he dies. he's never going to change, and that's what i hate. because he needs to. he's an obsessive compulsive control freak, and he's pissed off at my mom because he has no control anymore. he's hardly around, and when he is it's just chaos.
which leads me to another thing. tommy. i love him to death, he is in some ways like another parent to me, but in other ways he isn't. i admit, i hate that he's been coming around way too much than he should lately. he spent the night almost all last week, and last night, when my mom said he wasn't going to. i don't like it at all, it's invasive. i appreciate everything that he does, and what a good heart he has, but sometimes he tries to test his "authority" where it doesn't need to be tested. i can't say something to him, without him repeating it to my mom in one way or another, and it bothers me. i guess i'm just knit-picking at people right now because of my bad mood. so i'll stop.