(no subject)
It's one of those days where really nothing goes right again. And I can't stop shaking at this moment and it is so fucking hard to type. My car is shit, people are psychotic, my dad is a dick, my mom got fired, I have to get a night job to help pay bills until we sell the house, my chest hurts like fuck, my heart is really fast, and I can't stop fucking shaking.
Bad thoughts were in my mind today... I can't stop thinking, I can't sleep cause I can't stop thinking and fucking shaking like a moron. Meds should help I should get some soon, then maybe I can fucking sleep.
How will there possibly any room for sleep with family, alana, two jobs, school, the paper, and everything else. I FUCKING PISSED CAUSE I CAN'T STOP FUCKING SHAKING RIGHT NOW. Fuck it.. I'm so tired I want to sleep I wan't to go to bed. It really shouldn't be so fucking hard to do a simple thing like sleep. I have nothing to help me with that.
I wish I could change me and things about me and things I did, have done, are going to do... I really want to sleep, but I can't and I'm so fucking tired. I need to figure things out, what's important whats not, where do I draw the line and how do I draw it. It's times like these I wished I believed in God, but what kind of fucker would screw things up so bad that it would make people's lives so miserable. I hope that if he really is there he knows that I'd want him to shove all the shit in my life right up his ass and I hope it'd hurt.
I truley hate right now and it's refreshing, I don't really let myself, but it makes things easier sometimes just to say that someone is a son of a bitch that always finds a way to make you feel so shitty that you think about yourself that way... no matter what you try to do to improve, you screw up, just like they said you would. You hurt people just like they said you would. I wish it would all go away that things would just get peaceful for once, but it's not fucking possible. I fucking hate it. I don't unserstand how things could spiral out of control so hard and so fast. I'm so fucking tired and I still can't stop fucking shaking and my chest still fucking hurts like hell. I really need to sleep. I really can't sleep. I wish if He really was there he'd let me fucking sleep for once, because I'm so fucking tired of it all.
Bad thoughts were in my mind today... I can't stop thinking, I can't sleep cause I can't stop thinking and fucking shaking like a moron. Meds should help I should get some soon, then maybe I can fucking sleep.
How will there possibly any room for sleep with family, alana, two jobs, school, the paper, and everything else. I FUCKING PISSED CAUSE I CAN'T STOP FUCKING SHAKING RIGHT NOW. Fuck it.. I'm so tired I want to sleep I wan't to go to bed. It really shouldn't be so fucking hard to do a simple thing like sleep. I have nothing to help me with that.
I wish I could change me and things about me and things I did, have done, are going to do... I really want to sleep, but I can't and I'm so fucking tired. I need to figure things out, what's important whats not, where do I draw the line and how do I draw it. It's times like these I wished I believed in God, but what kind of fucker would screw things up so bad that it would make people's lives so miserable. I hope that if he really is there he knows that I'd want him to shove all the shit in my life right up his ass and I hope it'd hurt.
I truley hate right now and it's refreshing, I don't really let myself, but it makes things easier sometimes just to say that someone is a son of a bitch that always finds a way to make you feel so shitty that you think about yourself that way... no matter what you try to do to improve, you screw up, just like they said you would. You hurt people just like they said you would. I wish it would all go away that things would just get peaceful for once, but it's not fucking possible. I fucking hate it. I don't unserstand how things could spiral out of control so hard and so fast. I'm so fucking tired and I still can't stop fucking shaking and my chest still fucking hurts like hell. I really need to sleep. I really can't sleep. I wish if He really was there he'd let me fucking sleep for once, because I'm so fucking tired of it all.