The Thing, Here's.
*Yawn* It's been a long break. Oh so much to talk about...
School is back on and while I have classes only two days of the week, I am busy out of my mind with no end in sight. I really need to figure out what my priorities are and where to trim the fat, because now that we're three weeks into the semester I can already see that I can't keep going on like this.
Four jobs. Well, three really...one is somewhat dormant, but I still need to put in some hours before I can declare it finished. Between these three jobs, I'd say I'm working something like 40-45 hours per week while still trying to be a full time student. It's not working. Thus far into the semester I've spent maybe a total of 2 hours doing any sort of out-of-class work for all classes combined, and really all I did was the required readings. Ouch. I can NOT afford to have a second down semester academically, as last semester ended up being bad and this one is supposed to save my GPA.
I am so stressed out right now it's not funny. If I could figure out what I want to do with my life in the future, or even in the present...that would be great. I don't know what I'm going to do with my social work major...and it's killing me. I'm almost done with the program now and I don't know if it's right for me. I know I like working with people, and I like to be a helper...but I dunno. I worry that while I like those things I might not exactly be good at them. Recently I was asked why I don't pursue some sort of computer science degree if I'm so good with computers. I used to have an answer to this question, but now I really don't. It hurts just to think about...I mean, I would probably thrive in computers, and make a whole lot more money than I ever will in social work...why aren't I going down that path?
It's almost been six months of being single now, and while I feel like I've finally re-adjusted to the single life I don't know if I've adjusted in a healthy fashion. I'm spending record amounts of money at the bars and my alcohol tolerance is at an all-time high. Looking back at my last post almost two months ago I mentioned spending $15 a night...how times have changed. Now it's more like $25 a night. How did I get to be like this? I am not this person. I think in many ways I'm just frustrated with the situations I've put myself in, and I'm turning to short-term distractions to make the long-term worries seem less pressing than they really are.
I'm really lonely here. That statement is deceiving because rarely am I ever "here" (my apartment), nor am I often not in the company of others. I just mean that personally, I feel very alone as of late. I could change this mind you, but for some reason I choose not to. To a degree it is true that I've been spending less time with the crew and have been backing out/absent from many plans, but I see this more as a byproduct of circumstance than conscious decision to ditch out. I've been very busy with my Peer Mentor job lately, including flag football practices and games...both of which have eaten up surprisingly large amounts of my time. Football will be over within a week or so, which will free up some time. Fret not! I plan to return to the arena of awesome in the very near future. The bigger issue in terms of me feeling so alone I think is "the chase". A wise sage once told me that I enjoy the chase as much as anyone, and a sure thing is uninteresting to me. I sat there somewhat taken aback, but I must confess it is true. I seem to always find myself interested in the ones that are taken...boo to that indeed. As much as I struggle to get it out of my system it doesn't leave, and I'm pretty sure I'm driving myself insane. Oh well, what else is new?
I made a commitment to include at least something positive in all LJ entries, so here we go: My group of mentees (freshman for my Peer Mentor job) is awesome this year. By far the best group I've ever had. They're friendly, they're involved, they participate in activities outside of class. I've had a blast playing with the 6 of them who've joined my flag football team, and the rest of the group is quality as well. If nothing else, these promising youngsters have been my saving grace thus far this semester. I really feel like I'm making a positive difference, even it is a slight one, in their new-to-campus experiences. It makes me feel like I might make it after all. Also, I cannot forget my group of Peer Mentors that I supervise this year as well. They have been the utmost example of quality, professionalism and fun in the program this year; which I'm especially proud of with all the struggles the Peer Mentor Program has had this year.
I don't know what else I can say right now. I miss my friends. I miss spending quality time with my family. I miss the closeness of a relationship. I miss having FREE TIME. I miss those who won't read this because they gave up on me ever updating...
School is back on and while I have classes only two days of the week, I am busy out of my mind with no end in sight. I really need to figure out what my priorities are and where to trim the fat, because now that we're three weeks into the semester I can already see that I can't keep going on like this.
Four jobs. Well, three really...one is somewhat dormant, but I still need to put in some hours before I can declare it finished. Between these three jobs, I'd say I'm working something like 40-45 hours per week while still trying to be a full time student. It's not working. Thus far into the semester I've spent maybe a total of 2 hours doing any sort of out-of-class work for all classes combined, and really all I did was the required readings. Ouch. I can NOT afford to have a second down semester academically, as last semester ended up being bad and this one is supposed to save my GPA.
I am so stressed out right now it's not funny. If I could figure out what I want to do with my life in the future, or even in the present...that would be great. I don't know what I'm going to do with my social work major...and it's killing me. I'm almost done with the program now and I don't know if it's right for me. I know I like working with people, and I like to be a helper...but I dunno. I worry that while I like those things I might not exactly be good at them. Recently I was asked why I don't pursue some sort of computer science degree if I'm so good with computers. I used to have an answer to this question, but now I really don't. It hurts just to think about...I mean, I would probably thrive in computers, and make a whole lot more money than I ever will in social work...why aren't I going down that path?
It's almost been six months of being single now, and while I feel like I've finally re-adjusted to the single life I don't know if I've adjusted in a healthy fashion. I'm spending record amounts of money at the bars and my alcohol tolerance is at an all-time high. Looking back at my last post almost two months ago I mentioned spending $15 a night...how times have changed. Now it's more like $25 a night. How did I get to be like this? I am not this person. I think in many ways I'm just frustrated with the situations I've put myself in, and I'm turning to short-term distractions to make the long-term worries seem less pressing than they really are.
I'm really lonely here. That statement is deceiving because rarely am I ever "here" (my apartment), nor am I often not in the company of others. I just mean that personally, I feel very alone as of late. I could change this mind you, but for some reason I choose not to. To a degree it is true that I've been spending less time with the crew and have been backing out/absent from many plans, but I see this more as a byproduct of circumstance than conscious decision to ditch out. I've been very busy with my Peer Mentor job lately, including flag football practices and games...both of which have eaten up surprisingly large amounts of my time. Football will be over within a week or so, which will free up some time. Fret not! I plan to return to the arena of awesome in the very near future. The bigger issue in terms of me feeling so alone I think is "the chase". A wise sage once told me that I enjoy the chase as much as anyone, and a sure thing is uninteresting to me. I sat there somewhat taken aback, but I must confess it is true. I seem to always find myself interested in the ones that are taken...boo to that indeed. As much as I struggle to get it out of my system it doesn't leave, and I'm pretty sure I'm driving myself insane. Oh well, what else is new?
I made a commitment to include at least something positive in all LJ entries, so here we go: My group of mentees (freshman for my Peer Mentor job) is awesome this year. By far the best group I've ever had. They're friendly, they're involved, they participate in activities outside of class. I've had a blast playing with the 6 of them who've joined my flag football team, and the rest of the group is quality as well. If nothing else, these promising youngsters have been my saving grace thus far this semester. I really feel like I'm making a positive difference, even it is a slight one, in their new-to-campus experiences. It makes me feel like I might make it after all. Also, I cannot forget my group of Peer Mentors that I supervise this year as well. They have been the utmost example of quality, professionalism and fun in the program this year; which I'm especially proud of with all the struggles the Peer Mentor Program has had this year.
I don't know what else I can say right now. I miss my friends. I miss spending quality time with my family. I miss the closeness of a relationship. I miss having FREE TIME. I miss those who won't read this because they gave up on me ever updating...