The State of Being Alone
I drove out to the mall last night to see if the guys at the genius bar could fix my iPod. On my way out there I was car dancing like a fiend, singing obnoxiously loudly because no one could hear me, and it occurred to me that I was alone. This shouldn't have been a surprise to me, and it really wasn't, but I started thinking about how the entire day I had spent alone. It was my day off and everyone else in the house had to work. I went out among people. I went to best buy, Old Navy, and Borders, I got some coffee, but even though I was among people I was alone. I didn't talk to anyone other than a couple of texts. It was the same at the mall. I talked to Jonny as I explained what was wrong with my iPod and then he explained exactly how my iPod is kaput beyond help (well... beyond reasonably priced help, it would cost the same to fix it than buy a new one). Other than that, I didn't talk to anyone, not even to a store associate to say "no thanks, just looking."
I've started thinking about how often I'm alone these days. The answer to that is most of the time. Even when I'm at work I'm by myself, either alone in the guard stand watching the pool or alone in the guard office or pump room doing stuff. I don't mind being alone. I'm an introvert to the core and thoroughly enjoy time by myself reading or doing whatever. I just hadn't realized about 85% of my time is spent interacting with only me, myself, and I for company.
I remember starting out at university thinking everyday "I need to find someone to go with, I can't go alone." At some point over the four years that way of thinking changed. I would still prefer to go with another person, but if I couldn't find one, I'd go alone. I started going to meals by myself, mostly breakfast but occasionally the other ones. My favorite part of my day became going to the dining hall at around 3pm for afternoon tea (yay for unlimited meal plans!). Most of the time I would do that by myself and have a book with me, but every so often someone would join me. By the time I was a senior I was going to concerts and the theater shows by myself because I decided that I didn't want to miss anything just because I had no one to go with. This last summer I made another leap in the state of being alone... I went to a restaurant (not fast food, an actual restaurant with waiters and everything) and ate by myself, and I did it often. In movies and tv shows and such that is always a big deal, eating out at a restaurant by yourself. I don't think it is anymore. Perhaps I'm just getting more and more comfortable with myself as I get older.
I don't mind being alone. I'm probably the most fascinating, funny, and fabulous person I know. For instance, I was totally amused just now as I listed off a bunch of adjectives that started with the letter f. I didn't do it on purpose, that's just how it happened and it made me chortle on the inside.
Having said that... I do think that I perhaps need to start spending more time with other people. I don't want to become a complete social misfit now do I? :)
I've started thinking about how often I'm alone these days. The answer to that is most of the time. Even when I'm at work I'm by myself, either alone in the guard stand watching the pool or alone in the guard office or pump room doing stuff. I don't mind being alone. I'm an introvert to the core and thoroughly enjoy time by myself reading or doing whatever. I just hadn't realized about 85% of my time is spent interacting with only me, myself, and I for company.
I remember starting out at university thinking everyday "I need to find someone to go with, I can't go alone." At some point over the four years that way of thinking changed. I would still prefer to go with another person, but if I couldn't find one, I'd go alone. I started going to meals by myself, mostly breakfast but occasionally the other ones. My favorite part of my day became going to the dining hall at around 3pm for afternoon tea (yay for unlimited meal plans!). Most of the time I would do that by myself and have a book with me, but every so often someone would join me. By the time I was a senior I was going to concerts and the theater shows by myself because I decided that I didn't want to miss anything just because I had no one to go with. This last summer I made another leap in the state of being alone... I went to a restaurant (not fast food, an actual restaurant with waiters and everything) and ate by myself, and I did it often. In movies and tv shows and such that is always a big deal, eating out at a restaurant by yourself. I don't think it is anymore. Perhaps I'm just getting more and more comfortable with myself as I get older.
I don't mind being alone. I'm probably the most fascinating, funny, and fabulous person I know. For instance, I was totally amused just now as I listed off a bunch of adjectives that started with the letter f. I didn't do it on purpose, that's just how it happened and it made me chortle on the inside.
Having said that... I do think that I perhaps need to start spending more time with other people. I don't want to become a complete social misfit now do I? :)