Goldilocks discusses neighborhood politics

[goldentress]

I have come to the conclusion that the respectably horrible show Desperate Housewives was based off the activities of the families who live on my street. Not all of them, per se, but probably a good half or three quarters. Today I was bombarded by four women who have the ridiculous idea that I am sleeping with their husbands, when the truth of the

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[biggestbear]

[goldentress]

For all we know, Rosaline could be sleeping with Anne, and god forbid, Ray would be tickled to death and try to join in. Timmy's turtle is probably having sex with Betty's cat...

I bet HOA would have fun with that one. Or, at least, slap a fee on it.

[biggestbear]

[goldentress]

I was thinking that it was beginning to sound like an M. Night Shyamalan movie, and was waiting for the little twist where we're told that they are all really just possessed...but Zion Ranch works too...

[biggestbear]

I thought we covered this already. Everyone's hypnotized and in an alternate reality.

Then again, experiencing an acute sensation of déjà vu would be expected.

[goldentress]

We really need to figure out who's plotting this and destroy their creative license.

[biggestbear]

[goldentress]

Resistance is futile, they say. Though, I doubt either of us would look good in pink sundresses and leather jumpsuits.

I'm not sure what that fate entails, but if it involves being too slow to outrun a turtle, then we have a problem.

[biggestbear]

[goldentress]

I refuse to comment on your butt in a sundress, Fisher, but I know for a fact that I'd rather be shot than coerced into one.

Have you met the turtle? It has got as much mind as it does body, and that's giving it too much credit. Speaking of Betty, I saw her eyeing your little boy this morning...you better watch out, her cat might get jealous.

[biggestbear]

Fair enough, for I'd rather be shot than have to go into too much detail.

Unfortunately for Betty, Martin's at the stage in his life where gum in hair and proclaiming her ugly would count as foreplay and copulation combined.

[goldentress]

I'd gladly shoot you. No offense intended.

So, his name is Martin? Fortunately for Martin, Betty is in the stage of her life where tripping boys and shouting that they have cooties is her idea of seduction.

[biggestbear]

[goldentress]

Possibly two or three, but we won't go into details remember.

I haven't, and that's good to hear. Ritual, though, calls for newly initiated children on the street to be it first.

[biggestbear]

[goldentress]

That it has.

Goodnight, Mr. Fisher.