(no subject)
Guys are the weirdest things on the planet, I've concluded.(maybe more about that later)
Yesterday was one of those beautiful orange-tinged days where I just wanted to bust out of the house. I was sooo frustrated, it was looking like another lazy-arse Saturday until Tina rescued me- we walked around Westoaks for an hour or so, and got cute cheap sunglasses at Forever 21. Thanks girlie <3
Tomorrow my Grandparents and I start our diet. I've never liked the sound of "I'm on a diet", it just seems so lame, because no one ever really follows those things. And I've been kinda defiant lately because my mum and grandma go on and on at me about nothing but my weight- mum calls, and it's never "How are your grades?", but "Have you lost any weight yet???", and it gets on my nerves. She forever speaks to me as if I have major problems with my image, as if I hate the way I look. And it's stupid. She sat and said "I'll only allow you to get a breast reduction if you work off as much weight from them as you can but they're still too big, because then we'll know that we should go for the last resort." It's ridiculous, I've never once said that I want a breast reduction! And if she says to me one more time "Ok, Here's what we're gonna do (which is the opening of ALL her sentences)- when you get back, you're gonna get light brown streaks put in your hair, and you need to ask you cousin Errol's girlfriend Simone what she puts in her hair because that's how we're gonna make your hair look."...oh heyl no, that is one thing I DO NOT appreciate, her saying that my hair is not up to scratch. My whole beauty regime revolves around the maintenence of my hair, and I am proud of how it looks. My mother hates me straightening my hair, but complains about how it looks curly. And she's so intent on me adopting the attributes of girls we know instead of just looking like myself. I recieved my birthday package in the mail last week for my birthday (from Mum, Dad, Simon and Shaheem), and in it was a box of chocolates, a mug with the number 18 on it, a pair of lovely metallic pink pointy flats with an ankle strap, 2 plain bras and a strapless one from Next, and a BEAUTIFUL party dress, also from Next. My god, this thing is adorable, it's strapless with boning and a tea-length full skirt with a petticoat underneath. It's peachy-pink satin with a layer of black lace over it. I also got a little velvet black capelet that ties at the front to go with it. SOCUTE! But....of the whole package, only the 2 stretchy bras and the shoes and cape fit. And the bras barely fit. I was so disappointed, and I know my parents spent quite a lot on that dress. It pretty much won't zip up to the bust area, and the waist is quite tight. When Grandma came home and I showed it to her, she told me that we HAVE to get me into that dress, which is somethiing I'd decided myself before she'd even got there. The only thing that bothered me is that she wants me to get into it so that I can wear it for prom. (Gosh, PROM, I don't even wanna get started on that subject, it's draining me already). The dress is darling, but it's not really fancy enough for prom, which neither she nor my mother will understand. I have my heart set on really wearing something fabulous and totally me for prom, and I'm already getting discouraged and imagining myself going in the short dress because it's always so likely that I'll have to settle. Every year for homecoming, I settle for less or nothing near what I wanted to wear, and I accept what I got and make the best of it. But damnit, for the first time in my life, I don't feel like just accepting less that what I want, even though the money's there. I know it sounds obnoxious and spoiled, but I'm just tired of having to deal with it, because I know I never put my foot down enough and fight to get my way. But anyway, I'm trying not to think too much about prom as yet, because I don't have a date, and I'm not even sure what I'm gonna do afterwards. So we'll see. I'm just so done with having my mum and grandma be controlling in a way that is just not right. They honestly think that it's their place to choose the colour of my underwear and tell me over and over again that I'm insecure and depressed, though I've been feeling happily lost in my own hyper little world lately, and less depressed or emo than I have in a long while. I'm definately determined to shape up, but I wish they'd stop acting as if my worth depends on how many pounds I shed, because it really makes me resent them at times. They need to realise that I'm not totally dissatisfied with my outer appearance- it's not even my main focus, and I find the little time I do take on my looks to be time well spent. I just wanna lose my arm-meat and the belly-welly. And I shall :-D (I swear)
I'm too lazy to type anymore, so that's all for now.
(and if anyone just happens to have a cute skinny artsy looking black friend who'd take me to prom, hook a sista up!)
Yesterday was one of those beautiful orange-tinged days where I just wanted to bust out of the house. I was sooo frustrated, it was looking like another lazy-arse Saturday until Tina rescued me- we walked around Westoaks for an hour or so, and got cute cheap sunglasses at Forever 21. Thanks girlie <3
Tomorrow my Grandparents and I start our diet. I've never liked the sound of "I'm on a diet", it just seems so lame, because no one ever really follows those things. And I've been kinda defiant lately because my mum and grandma go on and on at me about nothing but my weight- mum calls, and it's never "How are your grades?", but "Have you lost any weight yet???", and it gets on my nerves. She forever speaks to me as if I have major problems with my image, as if I hate the way I look. And it's stupid. She sat and said "I'll only allow you to get a breast reduction if you work off as much weight from them as you can but they're still too big, because then we'll know that we should go for the last resort." It's ridiculous, I've never once said that I want a breast reduction! And if she says to me one more time "Ok, Here's what we're gonna do (which is the opening of ALL her sentences)- when you get back, you're gonna get light brown streaks put in your hair, and you need to ask you cousin Errol's girlfriend Simone what she puts in her hair because that's how we're gonna make your hair look."...oh heyl no, that is one thing I DO NOT appreciate, her saying that my hair is not up to scratch. My whole beauty regime revolves around the maintenence of my hair, and I am proud of how it looks. My mother hates me straightening my hair, but complains about how it looks curly. And she's so intent on me adopting the attributes of girls we know instead of just looking like myself. I recieved my birthday package in the mail last week for my birthday (from Mum, Dad, Simon and Shaheem), and in it was a box of chocolates, a mug with the number 18 on it, a pair of lovely metallic pink pointy flats with an ankle strap, 2 plain bras and a strapless one from Next, and a BEAUTIFUL party dress, also from Next. My god, this thing is adorable, it's strapless with boning and a tea-length full skirt with a petticoat underneath. It's peachy-pink satin with a layer of black lace over it. I also got a little velvet black capelet that ties at the front to go with it. SOCUTE! But....of the whole package, only the 2 stretchy bras and the shoes and cape fit. And the bras barely fit. I was so disappointed, and I know my parents spent quite a lot on that dress. It pretty much won't zip up to the bust area, and the waist is quite tight. When Grandma came home and I showed it to her, she told me that we HAVE to get me into that dress, which is somethiing I'd decided myself before she'd even got there. The only thing that bothered me is that she wants me to get into it so that I can wear it for prom. (Gosh, PROM, I don't even wanna get started on that subject, it's draining me already). The dress is darling, but it's not really fancy enough for prom, which neither she nor my mother will understand. I have my heart set on really wearing something fabulous and totally me for prom, and I'm already getting discouraged and imagining myself going in the short dress because it's always so likely that I'll have to settle. Every year for homecoming, I settle for less or nothing near what I wanted to wear, and I accept what I got and make the best of it. But damnit, for the first time in my life, I don't feel like just accepting less that what I want, even though the money's there. I know it sounds obnoxious and spoiled, but I'm just tired of having to deal with it, because I know I never put my foot down enough and fight to get my way. But anyway, I'm trying not to think too much about prom as yet, because I don't have a date, and I'm not even sure what I'm gonna do afterwards. So we'll see. I'm just so done with having my mum and grandma be controlling in a way that is just not right. They honestly think that it's their place to choose the colour of my underwear and tell me over and over again that I'm insecure and depressed, though I've been feeling happily lost in my own hyper little world lately, and less depressed or emo than I have in a long while. I'm definately determined to shape up, but I wish they'd stop acting as if my worth depends on how many pounds I shed, because it really makes me resent them at times. They need to realise that I'm not totally dissatisfied with my outer appearance- it's not even my main focus, and I find the little time I do take on my looks to be time well spent. I just wanna lose my arm-meat and the belly-welly. And I shall :-D (I swear)
I'm too lazy to type anymore, so that's all for now.
(and if anyone just happens to have a cute skinny artsy looking black friend who'd take me to prom, hook a sista up!)