Drabbles: Two Conversations I Could Imagine Having and One I Already Did
1. It's Such a Long Trip, Too
"Hi! I was just calling because I haven't gotten your RSVP, and I wanted to check in with you, make sure everything's okay."
"Oh, uh, yeah. About that. We're not going to be able to make it, it's not a very convenient time."
"Sorry," she said. "Did you just say that my wedding is too inconvenient for you to come to?"
"It's in the beginning of December, we'd have to take the kids out of school to come up...you understand, right?"
"...so, are you this much of a dickhead to everybody, or do I just get lucky because I'm family?"
2. Six Months After This, It'll Be a Flask of Rum at the Baby Shower
"Oh shit, I broke a nail. Shitshitshitshit."
"You, uh, might want to lower your voice. Seeing as we're in a church and all."
"I don't care. I can't spend the entire ceremony picking at this stupid nail. Damn it."
"You'll be too busy tying ribbons onto decorations."
"Please. Do you have any clear nail polish?"
"It's possible. ...no, doesn't look like it."
"Just twenty-seven extra camera batteries."
"And a flask of vodka."
"Right. Gimme. We're gonna have fun at this thing if it kills us."
3. July 10, 2028: JURY ACQUITS AGAMEMNON JONES OF MURDER OF HIS PARENTS; "I CAN'T BLAME HIM FOR THAT," SAYS JUDGE
"So what's the difference between you having a cat named Achilles and me wanting to name my son Agamemnon?"
"It's a cat. He was golden-haired. Achilles was the golden-haired warrior. You're just setting your son up to get killed by his wife and girlfriend - and it will be wife AND girlfriend!"
"But you can't tell me not to name my son Agamemnon, since you already--"
"I WAS NINE."
"...I just lost this argument. There's no fighting that one."
"Hi! I was just calling because I haven't gotten your RSVP, and I wanted to check in with you, make sure everything's okay."
"Oh, uh, yeah. About that. We're not going to be able to make it, it's not a very convenient time."
"Sorry," she said. "Did you just say that my wedding is too inconvenient for you to come to?"
"It's in the beginning of December, we'd have to take the kids out of school to come up...you understand, right?"
"...so, are you this much of a dickhead to everybody, or do I just get lucky because I'm family?"
2. Six Months After This, It'll Be a Flask of Rum at the Baby Shower
"Oh shit, I broke a nail. Shitshitshitshit."
"You, uh, might want to lower your voice. Seeing as we're in a church and all."
"I don't care. I can't spend the entire ceremony picking at this stupid nail. Damn it."
"You'll be too busy tying ribbons onto decorations."
"Please. Do you have any clear nail polish?"
"It's possible. ...no, doesn't look like it."
"Just twenty-seven extra camera batteries."
"And a flask of vodka."
"Right. Gimme. We're gonna have fun at this thing if it kills us."
3. July 10, 2028: JURY ACQUITS AGAMEMNON JONES OF MURDER OF HIS PARENTS; "I CAN'T BLAME HIM FOR THAT," SAYS JUDGE
"So what's the difference between you having a cat named Achilles and me wanting to name my son Agamemnon?"
"It's a cat. He was golden-haired. Achilles was the golden-haired warrior. You're just setting your son up to get killed by his wife and girlfriend - and it will be wife AND girlfriend!"
"But you can't tell me not to name my son Agamemnon, since you already--"
"I WAS NINE."
"...I just lost this argument. There's no fighting that one."