(no subject)
Still lacking plans for tomorrow (Monday). Friends of my parents are coming over in the early evening, which means that by the time they show up, I need to not be in the house - I may end up catching a movie or something by myself, or just hang downtown and read in Rittenhouse Square or something. And on the one hand, while I'm sure I'd enjoy myself to some extent...I'd much rather not be by myself. Not on a holiday. And while there's a certain vicarious enjoyment from watching other people's kids run around while you sit and sip a frappuccino, that's exactly the issue: it's vicarious. So, in all serious, if anyone wants to do something, please do let me know.
I thrive on contact, I've realized. Oh, after huge, involving group events, I need to come back home (wherever "home" may be - and truly, I'm not sure where home is for me anymore, if it's my parents' home or if it's Penn) to quiet and solitude and space to breathe...but if I go too long by myself, without the company of friends, I get too deep inside my head, and that's not really a place I like to be. All the insecurites come out then, the doubts and worries and fears, and perhaps some of them are true and some of them are just me being a stupid, insecure little girl. And I suppose it shows that I'm feeling that now, because it's only in moods like this, when I've spent far too much time alone with my mind, that I call myself stupid or ugly, despite the fact that in my saner moments, I know I'm not.
I don't like myself very much like this. Guess I ought to do something about that, shouldn't I?
I thrive on contact, I've realized. Oh, after huge, involving group events, I need to come back home (wherever "home" may be - and truly, I'm not sure where home is for me anymore, if it's my parents' home or if it's Penn) to quiet and solitude and space to breathe...but if I go too long by myself, without the company of friends, I get too deep inside my head, and that's not really a place I like to be. All the insecurites come out then, the doubts and worries and fears, and perhaps some of them are true and some of them are just me being a stupid, insecure little girl. And I suppose it shows that I'm feeling that now, because it's only in moods like this, when I've spent far too much time alone with my mind, that I call myself stupid or ugly, despite the fact that in my saner moments, I know I'm not.
I don't like myself very much like this. Guess I ought to do something about that, shouldn't I?