[Fic Process] In the Space Between Heartbeats
So, I'm shelving In the Space Between Heartbeats, otherwise known as the is-Hinata-really-dead? fic. This scene is causing me all sorts of trouble. I wanted to start out with it but anything that follows just seems terrible to me. I'm unhappy with the whole thing at this point so it's going on the shelf until I can figure out how to write it. I've discovered it's better for me to just stop writing on something if it's giving me a lot of trouble (example: Let Nothing Come Between) as things have a way of working themselves out if I give them some space.
So, yeah. Space.
In accordance with this, I'm scrapping everything besides the first scene. But, as it kills me to "throw away" any sort of writing, I'm posting it here for prosterity. Feel free to point and tell me it's horrible because it so is. With it here I can safely remove it from my computer and not feel like I wasted hours of my life writing it.
The disappearance of two kunoichi was not immediately remarked upon. Ninja often returned from missions later than expected, one of the many side effects of working in the field. Conditions could never be entirely predicated and the weather had been rather odd lately, dark clouds unloading rain over the village for a day and half. Some remarked that high water in the passes might have slowed them down, or that perhaps they had had to take a different, longer route to avoid detection. Whatever the theory, villagers and shinobi alike were not very concerned that two of their own had not arrived on schedule. The two women would return when it was safe to do so.
Five days passed.
Each day had been marked by more rain and a growing nervousness at the Hyuuga compound, prompting all other clans to walk on eggshells around them. The fact that their heir was missing had set them all on edge, as if they were simply waiting to be unleashed the moment word of her came. Their anxiety even reached the Godaime who had an extra pitcher of sake brought to her office and more guards set at the gates.
On the sixth day, with still no sign of Hinata or Tenten, another storm converged on Konoha; this one comprised of Hyuuga Neji and Rock Lee. They had been sent two weeks ago to Cloud Country and had returned with the expectation of seeing their female teammate waiting for them as was her habit, a smile for Neji and a playful elbow in the ribs for Lee. When she did not appear, Lee's eyebrows drew together in concern but Neji said nothing, opting instead to return home. He found it in a mild state of panic.
"It's been six days and no word from them," Neji told Lee that night. They were standing in the middle of their team's old training grounds and the sky overhead had cleared, leaving crystal-perfect stars behind. Neji's voice was calm, matter-of-fact, but Lee knew him well enough to see the tension in his shoulders, the sharp set to his eyes. With Hinata's whereabouts unknown, the Hyuuga were in a state of turmoil. Neji, though, bore the twin weights of his cousin's disappearance as well as his partner's.
"It's not like Tenten not to send a message if they'd been held up," Lee said, frowning. Though he should have been tired from his own mission, all his exhaustion had melted away the instant he realized something was amiss. Now he felt only a burning desire to go out and find the two girls and, at least in Tenten's case, remind her that she'd have to run two hundred laps for not meeting her schedule.
"I know." Neji was looking past him to the north, where Tenten and Hinata's mission had taken them, right to the edge of Fire Country. "Tsunade-sama thinks they might have been caught." He paused and Lee glanced at him, seeing something flicker over his usually impassive features.
A little unbalanced by his teammate's reaction, Lee reminded him, "Tenten would not have let that happen. Not without a fight." Neji looked at him and Lee froze, hearing suddenly his own words. Tenten would have fought to the death before giving up Hinata and the secrets of the Hyuuga's blood limit. To the death. Lee's expression firmed. "They're still alive, Neji."
A brief look of annoyance made Neji's eyes flash. "Of course they are," he said, but something about the words rang false in Lee's ears. Neji, the prodigy of the Hyuuga, was unsure, and there was an undercurrent of wrath in his voice that Lee didn't understand.
"Will Tsunade-sama send a team?"
Neji straightened, his mouth tight. "She should have sent one days ago," he said, with a trace of anger. "The rain will have washed away any evidence of their passing."
It was unlike Neji to criticize the Godaime but Lee let it pass because he knew his old teammate was just worried. They might have thought he hadn't noticed, but Lee had seen Neji and Tenten grow closer in the past year, just stray instances that others would miss. He'd wanted to hug them both and cheer on their youthful romance, but Gai-sensei had advised that Neji was too shy for that sort of thing and that his flower of love was better to bloom without their help. Gai-sensei was never wrong but Lee did wish he could say something to his friend and rival, anything that might ease that edge he seemed to be walking.
"With your Byakugan we might find something," he said steadily.
Neji said nothing for a moment and then, quietly, "Hiashi-sama might back such a request to Tsunade-sama."
Lee's comical features broke out into a wide, unwavering grin. "Then let's go."
~*~
Neji did not sleep that night.
He lay in his futon, staring up at the ceiling with one arm thrown across his forehead, searching the shadows in the corner of his room as if they might show him where she was. Tsunade had granted his request to look for Hinata and Tenten, along with Lee, but she had forbidden him to leave that moment. He needed to rest, she said, so soon back from a mission only to leave on another. Though Neji chafed at the restriction, he knew it was for the best. Even Lee would be useless without his boundless energy.
Exhaling quietly, his thoughts shifted to Tenten and his cousin. The two of them had set out three days before Neji and Lee had left. He remembered standing in the courtyard of the Hyuuga compound and exchanging a look with Tenten. She had nodded once to him, unofficially taking guardianship of Hinata from him for the length of their journey together. He’d been proud of her for that simple motion, the lack of words. She waved goodbye to him minutes later and he’d felt nothing but solid surety that everything would be fine, that they would be safe.
Death came to everyone, he reminded himself, but the thought did not ease him. He had never thought to use it in relation to the two women in his life that mattered.
It must mean something that I have no problem posting my worst writing for people to read and tease me about. XD
So, yeah. Space.
In accordance with this, I'm scrapping everything besides the first scene. But, as it kills me to "throw away" any sort of writing, I'm posting it here for prosterity. Feel free to point and tell me it's horrible because it so is. With it here I can safely remove it from my computer and not feel like I wasted hours of my life writing it.
The disappearance of two kunoichi was not immediately remarked upon. Ninja often returned from missions later than expected, one of the many side effects of working in the field. Conditions could never be entirely predicated and the weather had been rather odd lately, dark clouds unloading rain over the village for a day and half. Some remarked that high water in the passes might have slowed them down, or that perhaps they had had to take a different, longer route to avoid detection. Whatever the theory, villagers and shinobi alike were not very concerned that two of their own had not arrived on schedule. The two women would return when it was safe to do so.
Five days passed.
Each day had been marked by more rain and a growing nervousness at the Hyuuga compound, prompting all other clans to walk on eggshells around them. The fact that their heir was missing had set them all on edge, as if they were simply waiting to be unleashed the moment word of her came. Their anxiety even reached the Godaime who had an extra pitcher of sake brought to her office and more guards set at the gates.
On the sixth day, with still no sign of Hinata or Tenten, another storm converged on Konoha; this one comprised of Hyuuga Neji and Rock Lee. They had been sent two weeks ago to Cloud Country and had returned with the expectation of seeing their female teammate waiting for them as was her habit, a smile for Neji and a playful elbow in the ribs for Lee. When she did not appear, Lee's eyebrows drew together in concern but Neji said nothing, opting instead to return home. He found it in a mild state of panic.
"It's been six days and no word from them," Neji told Lee that night. They were standing in the middle of their team's old training grounds and the sky overhead had cleared, leaving crystal-perfect stars behind. Neji's voice was calm, matter-of-fact, but Lee knew him well enough to see the tension in his shoulders, the sharp set to his eyes. With Hinata's whereabouts unknown, the Hyuuga were in a state of turmoil. Neji, though, bore the twin weights of his cousin's disappearance as well as his partner's.
"It's not like Tenten not to send a message if they'd been held up," Lee said, frowning. Though he should have been tired from his own mission, all his exhaustion had melted away the instant he realized something was amiss. Now he felt only a burning desire to go out and find the two girls and, at least in Tenten's case, remind her that she'd have to run two hundred laps for not meeting her schedule.
"I know." Neji was looking past him to the north, where Tenten and Hinata's mission had taken them, right to the edge of Fire Country. "Tsunade-sama thinks they might have been caught." He paused and Lee glanced at him, seeing something flicker over his usually impassive features.
A little unbalanced by his teammate's reaction, Lee reminded him, "Tenten would not have let that happen. Not without a fight." Neji looked at him and Lee froze, hearing suddenly his own words. Tenten would have fought to the death before giving up Hinata and the secrets of the Hyuuga's blood limit. To the death. Lee's expression firmed. "They're still alive, Neji."
A brief look of annoyance made Neji's eyes flash. "Of course they are," he said, but something about the words rang false in Lee's ears. Neji, the prodigy of the Hyuuga, was unsure, and there was an undercurrent of wrath in his voice that Lee didn't understand.
"Will Tsunade-sama send a team?"
Neji straightened, his mouth tight. "She should have sent one days ago," he said, with a trace of anger. "The rain will have washed away any evidence of their passing."
It was unlike Neji to criticize the Godaime but Lee let it pass because he knew his old teammate was just worried. They might have thought he hadn't noticed, but Lee had seen Neji and Tenten grow closer in the past year, just stray instances that others would miss. He'd wanted to hug them both and cheer on their youthful romance, but Gai-sensei had advised that Neji was too shy for that sort of thing and that his flower of love was better to bloom without their help. Gai-sensei was never wrong but Lee did wish he could say something to his friend and rival, anything that might ease that edge he seemed to be walking.
"With your Byakugan we might find something," he said steadily.
Neji said nothing for a moment and then, quietly, "Hiashi-sama might back such a request to Tsunade-sama."
Lee's comical features broke out into a wide, unwavering grin. "Then let's go."
~*~
Neji did not sleep that night.
He lay in his futon, staring up at the ceiling with one arm thrown across his forehead, searching the shadows in the corner of his room as if they might show him where she was. Tsunade had granted his request to look for Hinata and Tenten, along with Lee, but she had forbidden him to leave that moment. He needed to rest, she said, so soon back from a mission only to leave on another. Though Neji chafed at the restriction, he knew it was for the best. Even Lee would be useless without his boundless energy.
Exhaling quietly, his thoughts shifted to Tenten and his cousin. The two of them had set out three days before Neji and Lee had left. He remembered standing in the courtyard of the Hyuuga compound and exchanging a look with Tenten. She had nodded once to him, unofficially taking guardianship of Hinata from him for the length of their journey together. He’d been proud of her for that simple motion, the lack of words. She waved goodbye to him minutes later and he’d felt nothing but solid surety that everything would be fine, that they would be safe.
Death came to everyone, he reminded himself, but the thought did not ease him. He had never thought to use it in relation to the two women in his life that mattered.
It must mean something that I have no problem posting my worst writing for people to read and tease me about. XD