In which Goldilocks evaluates her Tale.

[gold_i_locks]

[Penciled in after original post]
Please don't take this seriously. I know I didn't.
Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

Fox (vixen) = Old woman = Silver-locks = Gold-locks (prettier) = Goldilocks (nicer sounding)

Girl/fox/old woman walks in, girl/fox/old woman contaminates and devours food, girl/fox/old woman breaks-in two chairs and breaks one, girl/fox

Comments

[maleficentia]

Who, for Christ's sake, attempts to rationalize a Fairy Tale? They're called 'fantasy' for a reason. If you're going to take issue with the bears' reaction, you ought to at least address the fact that they're talking and making porridge in the first place.

[bonesandbottles]

Stop destroying the dream, Asher.

[maleficentia]

But Avery, we both know that dashing hopes and ambitions is my favorite of my fourteen jobs.

[bonesandbottles]

Fourteen? How did you get up to fourteen jobs?

[maleficentia]

Well, to be fair, I haven't actually counted recently, but people seem to expect you to occupy your time during the wait between book four and book five. Occupy it with something other than writing, that is.

[bonesandbottles]

I'm not jealous or anything. Especially since I've never really had a job in the traditional sense of the word.

[maleficentia]

Yes, well, that's why you've long since won my undying admiration. Everyone knows that painting thing isn't actually a challenge.

[bonesandbottles]

It's like what that fellow at the New Yorker said about me. I just look at a painting and think casually It needs more whale skeletons.

[maleficentia]

Where a lesser genius sees waves, you see rotting cartoon sea mammals. Inspired, truly.

[gold_i_locks]

A pragmatist does.

I was going to add in a bit about the bears talking and making porridge but the entire thing would have lasted pages, and I didn't have the patience or the current attention span to complete an entire overview.

[maleficentia]

[...]

I think the phrase you're looking for is a 'delusional pseudo-intellectual,' actually. There's nothing even remotely practical about pulling apart little moralistic ditties--just as there's nothing practical about Literary Criticism as a whole. Trust me, I would know.

This entire conversation reminds me of one I had with that Tweed boy the other day; in other words, thank you for not extending the torture.

[gold_i_locks]

For the last damn time I AM NOT CR

Just as there is nothing practical about our existence in general. I believe the only time that it is right for someone to tell another person to stop picking apart their tale is when they seize to be.

So, I may be a 'delusional pseudo-intellectual' but I have a hell of a time being one.

Not a problem!

[maleficentia]

---Refresh my memory: I don't recall talking about the fact that we're alive. I'll leave that conversation to Ashford, as I haven't the patience for philosophy. As for when someone ceases to be, I can only imagine that day will be pleasantly quiet.

Oh, goody!

[gold_i_locks]

I'm so terribly sorry for my spelling error. Oh, whatever will I do?!

I did not insult you. Do not insult me.

[maleficentia]

And here I was trying to be delicate about the whole thing.

---Ah, but I give those out for free.

[gold_i_locks]

Good for you.

Honestly, does any part of the evaluation of my Tale seem serious? I'll answer that for you, no. I was merely having a good time with it. We are allowed to do that, after all.