Private - Hmmm...
Well. I did it. I told her. I dunno, I've been real bad at writin' in this thing lately, what with movin', workin' more an' the whole electric thing gettin' messed up but basically... I told Mina how I feel about. Well, how I'm pretty sure I feel about her... It's kinda weird, it's not the same as it was with Takeru, but I still feel like it's right, you know? I guess I'll never get anyplace if I compare everythin' to takeru, though - it just can't come close, can it?
Nah, first love never dies, does it?
Still, I'm worried. Things have been gettin' worse for at home, her brother an' her dad just... Christ, it's horrible, so wrong! We talked a little yesterday an' she joked about runnin' away... I kinda really wanna believe she wasn't completely jokin'... I mean, sure I don't have a lot of cash right now, but I have my own place an' she'd be safe there, so...
I dunno, it's a way big step, I was with takeru for four years an' we never even talked about these things, but... We're all older now, right? If I had my own place then, I guess I'd have said somethin' so... I dunno. I just want her to be safe an' if she's with me? I can make sure she is, you know?
I need to talk to Steve, too. I mean, I met up with Mina an' i told her how I feel but... Even if this 'thing' with me an' Steve IS just sex, it still makes me feel bad about not talking to him first, so 'course I will - just when he's less sick. Which I hope is soon. I don't wanna hurt him, but I don't wanna drag anythin' out either, you know? I hope we can still be friends... he helped me a lot, you know?
*sigh*
Then there's Takeru. Somethin's up there an' he won't tell me. I guess he doesn't have to, but I thought we were friends? I don't ever not wanna be close to Takeru, but I dunno how we can be friends if it's just me thinkin' that way... He asked me what was wrong an' I told him. Yeah. I told my ex of four years I loved someone else before I told her AN' asked his advice! Isn't that proof enough he's important to me?!
I dunno why, but I think it's somethin' to do with Michael... He doesn't seem right somehow an' he's gotta be happy with school an' havin' his own place - he's wanted those things for way long now! It's gotta be him...
Unless...
No.
...
But yeah, the party, too. I don't think I wrote about that either, did I? ^^; It went pretty well. Team France helped me set up, Catherine was the perfect hostess (an' I was the perfect gentleman, givin' up my bed on my FIRST NIGHT for her) an' I think everyone had fun. Takeru helped me work out the washer-dryers downstairs, which wasn't so hard, but he left pretty early, the rest was okay though ^^ I wanna do somethin' like that again when I have more time but... We'll see.
I guess for now a lot of my time's gonna be taken up worryin', huh? ^^;
Nah, first love never dies, does it?
Still, I'm worried. Things have been gettin' worse for at home, her brother an' her dad just... Christ, it's horrible, so wrong! We talked a little yesterday an' she joked about runnin' away... I kinda really wanna believe she wasn't completely jokin'... I mean, sure I don't have a lot of cash right now, but I have my own place an' she'd be safe there, so...
I dunno, it's a way big step, I was with takeru for four years an' we never even talked about these things, but... We're all older now, right? If I had my own place then, I guess I'd have said somethin' so... I dunno. I just want her to be safe an' if she's with me? I can make sure she is, you know?
I need to talk to Steve, too. I mean, I met up with Mina an' i told her how I feel but... Even if this 'thing' with me an' Steve IS just sex, it still makes me feel bad about not talking to him first, so 'course I will - just when he's less sick. Which I hope is soon. I don't wanna hurt him, but I don't wanna drag anythin' out either, you know? I hope we can still be friends... he helped me a lot, you know?
*sigh*
Then there's Takeru. Somethin's up there an' he won't tell me. I guess he doesn't have to, but I thought we were friends? I don't ever not wanna be close to Takeru, but I dunno how we can be friends if it's just me thinkin' that way... He asked me what was wrong an' I told him. Yeah. I told my ex of four years I loved someone else before I told her AN' asked his advice! Isn't that proof enough he's important to me?!
I dunno why, but I think it's somethin' to do with Michael... He doesn't seem right somehow an' he's gotta be happy with school an' havin' his own place - he's wanted those things for way long now! It's gotta be him...
Unless...
No.
...
But yeah, the party, too. I don't think I wrote about that either, did I? ^^; It went pretty well. Team France helped me set up, Catherine was the perfect hostess (an' I was the perfect gentleman, givin' up my bed on my FIRST NIGHT for her) an' I think everyone had fun. Takeru helped me work out the washer-dryers downstairs, which wasn't so hard, but he left pretty early, the rest was okay though ^^ I wanna do somethin' like that again when I have more time but... We'll see.
I guess for now a lot of my time's gonna be taken up worryin', huh? ^^;