dead
Do you know what it’s like to not have anybody? It’s the worst feeling in the world. It’s exactly how I feel right now. I feel like I have nobody in the world who I can count on. It’s total bs! I think people need to look up the word “friendship” in the dictionary and really figure out what it means. It seems like people only want to be your friend when you have something going on. If you don’t have anything going on, they could care less about you. Being a good “friend” to someone means you’re there for them through the good times and the bad times, not just one of them. Being a good friend means you are there for somebody no matter what, ride or die! I’m tired of people claiming they are a good friend when they really aren’t. I know exactly what it means to be a good friend to somebody, but apparently everybody else does not. If you do the simple things in order to maintain your friendships, then they will last. If you don’t give a damn about nobody but yourself in the friendship, then that isn’t a friendship. Call the person every once in awhile to see how they are. If you call them to see if they are still alive, then that’s being a good friend. If you don’t call them as much as the person calls you, then something is wrong. Friendship is a two-way street. If you’re not doing your part while the other person seems to be doing everything, then that’s a problem. If you aren’t doing the simple things in a friendship, then obviously you don’t want that friendship to work. That’s how I feel about it. Sorry if I care about people too much, but that is how I am. Also, it is the right thing to do. I know people need their space and I give them that, but at the same time you have to realize that people just want to feel like they are loved at the end of the day. I’m tired of people disrespecting me. I’m tired of people doing me wrong behind my back and they think I won’t find out about it. Well, they are wrong because I will find out about it. You don’t want to cross me because if you do it’s going to be a problem for you. People think I won’t speak my mind about things. They are completely wrong! I will speak my mind about things, especially if you disrespect me! I’m not the person you want to mess with at all! I don’t understand how people can sleep at night knowing that they haven’t been a good friend to somebody. If it was me, I would be dead right now. I couldn’t live with myself know I’ve done something wrong or treated somebody like crap. People need a huge wake-up call when it comes to being somebody’s friend. Also, people need to look back on their friendships and re-evaluate them. By that, I mean people need to see if they really have been a good friend to everyone like they say they have been. If not, you need to change how you treat people if you still want them to be your friend. I think people need to realize what kind of person they are and change some things about themselves. If they don’t, they will end up losing some good people in their lives and messing up a good thing as well. It’s the worst feeling in the world when you feel like you have nobody you can depend on!
Life isn’t fun anymore. It’s complete bs! I’m at a point where I don’t want to be here. I could care less what happens to me at this point. Nobody else cares whether I live or die so why should I. Do you know what it feels like to have nothing to show for all the hard work you did in life? It feels like shit! I did the right things in life and did right by people. Now look what I have to show for it, nothing! Do you know what it feels like not to be able to afford the simple things in life? It feels pretty damn pathetic if you as me! Forget trying to afford anything I want anymore. Just trying to afford what I need is insane! It’s pretty damn sad that I can’t do it! I don’t want to be here anymore. There is no point in living. I feel like I don’t belong here anymore. I didn’t know you could come to a point in your life where people can be emotionally draining to you. That’s where I’m at in my life. I’m tired and I’m done. There are certain people in my life that I’m done dealing with. They have worn me out emotionally. Due to these people’s actions, I have nothing left to give anyone emotionally, including myself. At my age, you’re not supposed to be tired. However, if you’ve been through what I’ve been through emotionally, you would be tired too. All this stuff wears on you as you get older, especially if the same thing keeps happening to you over and over again throughout your life. This isn’t supposed to happen to me. I don’t deserve this at all. There are nights I literally cry myself to sleep wondering why this happened to me. I wonder how did I get here? I’m wondering why I’m still alive right now? I’m wondering how I lasted this long? It wears on you emotionally. I’m crying right now and I don’t like it. I’m not a crier at all. I think the lat time I cried I was ten years old. I don’t like crying and being vulnerable because once that happens, people begin to take advantage of you. It’s happened to me before and it’s not the best feeling in the world. I lie in bed at night and try to stop myself from breathing so I don’t wake up the next morning. It doesn’t work. The days I am here I wonder why I am here. I feel I can’t trust people right now. I feel I can’t be around people right now. When you don’t have much money, you can’t do anything anyways. Nothing in this world is free. You have to have money to do stuff. When you don’t have money to do stuff, people act like they want nothing to do with you. It’s pretty sad, but at the same time it’s true. When the one person who is supposed to have your back regardless and do right by you doesn’t do those things, that can screw you up for life.
A parent is someone who has their child’s back regardless and does right by them. Also, they do what is best for their child so it doesn’t hurt them in the long run. In addition, they don’t disrespect their child and treat them like crap. If you don’t get that, then you shouldn’t be a parent. My mom shouldn’t have been a parent. I don’t like to use the word “mom” because I feel she wasn’t a mom to me. She doesn’t deserve that title. She didn’t do her job by being a parent to me. She failed miserably. I don’t like to call her mom. I want nothing to do with her. She is so self-involved it is ridiculous. I feel she can’t be trusted at all. She has proven it to me over and over again that she can’t be trusted based on her actions. If we were the last two people in the world and I was on fire, I would rather burn to death than have her save me. That’s how much I don’t trust her. If the one person who you are supposed to trust can’t be trusted, then what does that say about that person? That means that how you interact with them can also effect how you interact with other people as life goes on. I learned nothing from this person. Everything I was supposed to learn I learned from somebody else, whether it is one of my relatives or somebody else’s mom that I know. What I learned from her is that she doesn’t know how to be a parent. She could care less about anybody else’s feelings but her own. She doesn’t know how to support people emotionally and she is a very disrespectful person. If that was the case, then she shouldn’t have decided to have children. She’s not supportive when it comes to things that you want to do. She’s just a negative person. I refuse to be around somebody like that. I don’t have to be around somebody like that because I deserve better than that. I don’t know the bright side of anything because of her. All I know is the negative side of anything. I don’t know what it means to be happy anymore because of her. All she does is piss me off for no reason, when all I’m doing is minding my own business trying to survive. She makes a person feel uncomfortable and unwanted. In addition, she makes a person want to kill themselves. I’m at the point in my life where I don’t want to be here anymore. I feel l have nothing to show for my life. What’s the point of being here if you feel like you have nothing to live for? Everything irritates me. I’m paranoid about things I shouldn’t be paranoid about. Everybody else seems to be shoving their happiness in my face. They might not realize they are doing that, but they are and it’s pissing me off. You think I would be happy for somebody if they told me some good news. That’s not the case right now. I don’t want to here any good news from anybody else about their situation because all it’s going to do is upset the hell out of me. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable/irritated in all my life. These are the worst feelings in the world to feel, but I can’t help it based on what I’ve been through. I think I know what the problem is but I need help getting to the point where I can fix it. If I don’t, I might not be here tomorrow. I need rehab real bad. I can’t be around people who lie to me or disrespect me. Those are two of the things I don’t tolerate at all. At this point, I feel like if I were dead it would be a whole lot easier for me. I wouldn’t be hurting anymore and going through all this pain. I feel I would be up in heaven with people I love and trust. People I feel I can depend on, I know would be there for me no matter what. Also, I would be in heaven with people who I admire. I know I would get along with them really well. The people I do love here on Earth, I feel I have nothing left to give them of myself. That is one of the worst feelings in the world to feel. It all goes back to that one person who screwed up my life emotionally. For everyone who has done me wrong, in the end you will reap what you sew. Also, karma is a bitch! Everybody keeps trying to tell me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel; things will turn out right for you in the end. They also say you will get everything that you deserve in life. I don’t feel that way anymore. I did all the right things in life, along with doing right by people. Look what happened: I have nothing to show for it at all. I feel like a failure! Nobody knows what it’s like to feel like a failure. It’s not the greatest feeling in the world, trust me.
The list goes on and on. Believe me, there is a list! Life will never be the same again! What is the point of being here if you don’t want to be here and you feel nobody else wants you here as well? This shouldn’t be happening and I shouldn’t be feeling like this. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment, ever! It’s not necessary at all.
Life isn’t fun anymore. It’s complete bs! I’m at a point where I don’t want to be here. I could care less what happens to me at this point. Nobody else cares whether I live or die so why should I. Do you know what it feels like to have nothing to show for all the hard work you did in life? It feels like shit! I did the right things in life and did right by people. Now look what I have to show for it, nothing! Do you know what it feels like not to be able to afford the simple things in life? It feels pretty damn pathetic if you as me! Forget trying to afford anything I want anymore. Just trying to afford what I need is insane! It’s pretty damn sad that I can’t do it! I don’t want to be here anymore. There is no point in living. I feel like I don’t belong here anymore. I didn’t know you could come to a point in your life where people can be emotionally draining to you. That’s where I’m at in my life. I’m tired and I’m done. There are certain people in my life that I’m done dealing with. They have worn me out emotionally. Due to these people’s actions, I have nothing left to give anyone emotionally, including myself. At my age, you’re not supposed to be tired. However, if you’ve been through what I’ve been through emotionally, you would be tired too. All this stuff wears on you as you get older, especially if the same thing keeps happening to you over and over again throughout your life. This isn’t supposed to happen to me. I don’t deserve this at all. There are nights I literally cry myself to sleep wondering why this happened to me. I wonder how did I get here? I’m wondering why I’m still alive right now? I’m wondering how I lasted this long? It wears on you emotionally. I’m crying right now and I don’t like it. I’m not a crier at all. I think the lat time I cried I was ten years old. I don’t like crying and being vulnerable because once that happens, people begin to take advantage of you. It’s happened to me before and it’s not the best feeling in the world. I lie in bed at night and try to stop myself from breathing so I don’t wake up the next morning. It doesn’t work. The days I am here I wonder why I am here. I feel I can’t trust people right now. I feel I can’t be around people right now. When you don’t have much money, you can’t do anything anyways. Nothing in this world is free. You have to have money to do stuff. When you don’t have money to do stuff, people act like they want nothing to do with you. It’s pretty sad, but at the same time it’s true. When the one person who is supposed to have your back regardless and do right by you doesn’t do those things, that can screw you up for life.
A parent is someone who has their child’s back regardless and does right by them. Also, they do what is best for their child so it doesn’t hurt them in the long run. In addition, they don’t disrespect their child and treat them like crap. If you don’t get that, then you shouldn’t be a parent. My mom shouldn’t have been a parent. I don’t like to use the word “mom” because I feel she wasn’t a mom to me. She doesn’t deserve that title. She didn’t do her job by being a parent to me. She failed miserably. I don’t like to call her mom. I want nothing to do with her. She is so self-involved it is ridiculous. I feel she can’t be trusted at all. She has proven it to me over and over again that she can’t be trusted based on her actions. If we were the last two people in the world and I was on fire, I would rather burn to death than have her save me. That’s how much I don’t trust her. If the one person who you are supposed to trust can’t be trusted, then what does that say about that person? That means that how you interact with them can also effect how you interact with other people as life goes on. I learned nothing from this person. Everything I was supposed to learn I learned from somebody else, whether it is one of my relatives or somebody else’s mom that I know. What I learned from her is that she doesn’t know how to be a parent. She could care less about anybody else’s feelings but her own. She doesn’t know how to support people emotionally and she is a very disrespectful person. If that was the case, then she shouldn’t have decided to have children. She’s not supportive when it comes to things that you want to do. She’s just a negative person. I refuse to be around somebody like that. I don’t have to be around somebody like that because I deserve better than that. I don’t know the bright side of anything because of her. All I know is the negative side of anything. I don’t know what it means to be happy anymore because of her. All she does is piss me off for no reason, when all I’m doing is minding my own business trying to survive. She makes a person feel uncomfortable and unwanted. In addition, she makes a person want to kill themselves. I’m at the point in my life where I don’t want to be here anymore. I feel l have nothing to show for my life. What’s the point of being here if you feel like you have nothing to live for? Everything irritates me. I’m paranoid about things I shouldn’t be paranoid about. Everybody else seems to be shoving their happiness in my face. They might not realize they are doing that, but they are and it’s pissing me off. You think I would be happy for somebody if they told me some good news. That’s not the case right now. I don’t want to here any good news from anybody else about their situation because all it’s going to do is upset the hell out of me. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable/irritated in all my life. These are the worst feelings in the world to feel, but I can’t help it based on what I’ve been through. I think I know what the problem is but I need help getting to the point where I can fix it. If I don’t, I might not be here tomorrow. I need rehab real bad. I can’t be around people who lie to me or disrespect me. Those are two of the things I don’t tolerate at all. At this point, I feel like if I were dead it would be a whole lot easier for me. I wouldn’t be hurting anymore and going through all this pain. I feel I would be up in heaven with people I love and trust. People I feel I can depend on, I know would be there for me no matter what. Also, I would be in heaven with people who I admire. I know I would get along with them really well. The people I do love here on Earth, I feel I have nothing left to give them of myself. That is one of the worst feelings in the world to feel. It all goes back to that one person who screwed up my life emotionally. For everyone who has done me wrong, in the end you will reap what you sew. Also, karma is a bitch! Everybody keeps trying to tell me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel; things will turn out right for you in the end. They also say you will get everything that you deserve in life. I don’t feel that way anymore. I did all the right things in life, along with doing right by people. Look what happened: I have nothing to show for it at all. I feel like a failure! Nobody knows what it’s like to feel like a failure. It’s not the greatest feeling in the world, trust me.
The list goes on and on. Believe me, there is a list! Life will never be the same again! What is the point of being here if you don’t want to be here and you feel nobody else wants you here as well? This shouldn’t be happening and I shouldn’t be feeling like this. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment, ever! It’s not necessary at all.