Food for Thought
Do you ever wonder why things are the way they are? I wonder about that all the time! It's all just a bunch of bull! I can't do this anymore! The concept of family is all one big lie! Apparently, that idea skipped over my family. I'm the only one in my family who gets the big picture. Nobody else gets it. When you think about it, you have to go back through the family tree and examine your roots. Everyone else in my family is so loving accept for the people who are supposed to love you the most. I can't be a part of a so-called family when it's like that. It seems like I'm the only one in my family who has a soul. I have a heart. I have a conscience. I'm the decent human being in this so-called family. In the end, I'm the only one who can take care of myself and love myself. I know I can trust myself as well. People wonder why I turned out so good. I don't have an answer for them honestly. All I can say is that I know right from wrong and I know how to treat people. I would never treat people the way my family treats me. It's not right. You can't raise children in a family where everything is a lie. That's not the right message you want to send them. You don't want to pass down to them the ideas of lying and hatred. Also, why would you want to marry into this family. It's all based on a lie. That's not right. Your significant other doesn't deserve that. It's all in how you approach me. If your presentation skills suck and you approach me with a bitch attitude then we really have nothing else to talk about. I go off of a person's vibe and energy. If I feel some bad vibes, then obviously you suck as a person. I like being around positive people who make you feel good and you know you can trust them. If I can't trust you, then we have nothing to talk about. You can't build a relationship with someone off of lies, rudeness, & somebody wanting something from you all the time. Nobody in my extended family is like that. It seems like only my immediate family is like that. If you're supposed to be my role model and you treat people like crap to make them not trust you, that reflects on how I see other people and whether or not I want to build a relationship with them. At this point in time, I wouldn't call that person a role model anymore. However, I have met some awesome people in this world so far. They know who they are and I love them with everything that I have. That includes my extended family and friends. There are still some great people out there that I need to meet. I know my time will come soon. I have dreams of meeting those people some day. When I do, it will be one of the best times of my life. I have other dreams and goals besides that one. When I accomplish them, it will be a sweet victory for me. I don't need anybody to get where I want to go. As long as I have myself and believe, everything will be grand. You don't need family when all they do is hold you back. That is not what a family is for. That isn't there job. There job is to love you regardless and support you regardless, as well as raise you to do things the right way and be a good person. That is all that is in there job description. The rest is up to you. You don't make a person feel better by degrading them. You don't motivate a person by making them feel like crap either. People call that "tough love". I honestly don't think that crap ever works at all. To give respect, you have to earn it. My family hasn't really done that. To give love, you have to show love. My family hasn't really done that either. Everyone else other than my family has done that. That's why I love them so much. At first, it's weird to see a family who hugs all the time when you are not used to that in your own family. After a minute, you can deal with it. That same theory applies to saying "I love you!" People say that have it worse than me but they really don't. I can promise you that nobody has it worse than me right now. I would kill to be in anybody else's family right now. I mean it when I say that. All the other parents out there did there job. My family failed and now they will pay the consequences of their actions. No kid should have to go through this at all. It's not right. It's hurtful, deceitful, and just plain wrong. I would never do this to my children. I know the difference between right and wrong. I know what my job is as a parent. If you do that, then you will never fail. I can promise you that. If you build a good relationship with your child, then all the other stuff will come naturally. That's how I've seen it happen in other families. I agree with that statement 100%. You can have your child respect you and not hate you at the same time. It's a possible situation. It's really not that hard. Everybody who knows me understands that I'm a better person when I'm not with my family. They aren't stupid. When I'm with my family, I'm not 100% me. It's like I am only 60% me and I have to be somebody I'm not in a way. Everybody knows that is not me. I'm 100% me and nobody else. When I'm somebody I'm not, I end up lying to myself and I hate that. It's not who I am. I'm not a hard person to get along with. People know that about me. If you think I am hard to get along with, then you must not know me very well. The only thing people might not understand about me is that I always have my guard up. Why is that? It all goes back to the crap that I've put up with over the years, whether it involves my family or somebody outside the family. Having the guard up goes back to knowing who I can trust and who I can't trust. I can't say that I love my family or even like them when I know it would be a lie. People ask me that a lot, I never know what to say without it sounding like I lie. That is a hard thing for me to say but it's the truth. It might sound bad but that's the way of the world. At this point, I really don't care anymore. I've been so immune to things in my life-family being one of them. I really don't care anymore. There have been good times in my life, don't get me wrong. However, those times have been so few and far between most of my life it's insane. I do cherish those good times, whatever they were. There has been so many bad times, I have kind of forgotten about the good ones. That is bad to say, but you know it's the truth. I could go on for days about this and write a book about it. Maybe one day I will, but now is not the time. I will see you soon, peace!