I'll write down everything I have learned and edit it down to a single word...
Love
The theory of the multiverse says there are infinite parallel universes containing every possible situation. It makes me happy because somewhere... we're still together.
+sigh+
The first thing I want to say is thank you to all my friends for their support. Thank you for comments like this:
“Follow your ♥ ”
“Nick that is the best Blog I've read in quite a while! Your feelings truely seeped through, and I encourage you to talk it out with her.”
“all I can say is, be careful. Mind your feelings, mind your thoughts, and mind your heart. All can be very dangerous and get you into a lot of trouble. Just know I'll support you, as a friend, whatever you do, where ever you go.”
“drDeano, all you need is a beer, a hug, and your best friends.”
“Perhaps you and Tori will find your way to each other again. But in the meantime, hold fast to God, He will NEVER fail you or leave you and He created you, Nick, to be a light in a dark world. NEVER forget that.”
“I just read the post you linked to me and I cried...bawled, actually. I am so sorry for what you're going through. All I can give for advice is to pray to Christ to help give you strength and get you through this.”
“You'll always be my brother ”
“Just dropping a line to check in on you. I know you're going through a rough time, and I know exactly how rough because that well trodden path you're making tracks on carry my own feet prints.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you all again for your support. It means a lot.
I sent Tori the link to my last blog entry. This is what she said:
“I read it. I am not quite sure what to say yet though. Thank you for sending it to me though. I am glad that you are not angry with me anymore. Of course I am not angry at you.
I am not sure what to say about the part where you say you want to be with me again. You know that can not happen right now. I can't just push away David because you have forgiven me and want me back. You know? That isn't fair to him or me. I just hope you know that, and don't spend all of your time missing me and wanting me back. You just might miss out on other people.
I am glad that you have forgiven me. That makes me so happy. I never meant to hurt you. I am sorry that I did. Knowing that you forgive me makes me feel better.
And I know you still love me. The message I sent you in August still applies...I will always love you, no matter who I am with. ”
I have to say that it confuses me. How can she love me but be with another man? Hopefully the answer will come in time.
The woman who Tori and I met through gave me a few questions that I should ask myself. I have taken a few days to think and now I believe I have the answers for them.
“how did you feel during the happy times of your marriage? Did you really have a connection? Did you talk about things? Were you truly happy?”
I felt blessed. Truly blessed. We had a huge connection. I could tell her things that I couldn't tell anyone else. I could show her my soul without feeling judged. I always told her how I felt. I could express everything to her. I was truly happy. Truly truly truly happy.
“What initially went wrong with the relationship? Can you work on that?”
We never saw each other. I worked all night and she worked all day. I was very lonely and that made me depressed. My depression was the first step in the spiral. I can work on that. I just should have gotten out of my comfort zone and looked for a day time job.
“What were the things that really bothered you about Tori? If they never changed, could you deal with that?”
She spends a lot of time on her computer. A LOT. She's a computer person. It's what she does. However, I think the initial thing she did while I was depressed was use the computer for comfort. If it never changed I would accept it. I understand it now but I believe with what I know now it wouldn't be an issue.
“After you've thought about all of that - think about the most important questions of all - is this really the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life and is it worth it?”
Yes. A resounding yes. I married her because she is the missing part of my being. The other piece. She completes me and I feel empty with out her. An incomplete person.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love her. I love her family. I love the idea of having children with her. I love the idea of growing old with her.
I love her.
I hope God hears my prayers. All I have is hope.
-Nick
“Sparks will fly beneath the luna alight... A little we die, above the lesser light, for you I'm open wide.”
The theory of the multiverse says there are infinite parallel universes containing every possible situation. It makes me happy because somewhere... we're still together.
+sigh+
The first thing I want to say is thank you to all my friends for their support. Thank you for comments like this:
“Follow your ♥ ”
“Nick that is the best Blog I've read in quite a while! Your feelings truely seeped through, and I encourage you to talk it out with her.”
“all I can say is, be careful. Mind your feelings, mind your thoughts, and mind your heart. All can be very dangerous and get you into a lot of trouble. Just know I'll support you, as a friend, whatever you do, where ever you go.”
“drDeano, all you need is a beer, a hug, and your best friends.”
“Perhaps you and Tori will find your way to each other again. But in the meantime, hold fast to God, He will NEVER fail you or leave you and He created you, Nick, to be a light in a dark world. NEVER forget that.”
“I just read the post you linked to me and I cried...bawled, actually. I am so sorry for what you're going through. All I can give for advice is to pray to Christ to help give you strength and get you through this.”
“You'll always be my brother ”
“Just dropping a line to check in on you. I know you're going through a rough time, and I know exactly how rough because that well trodden path you're making tracks on carry my own feet prints.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you all again for your support. It means a lot.
I sent Tori the link to my last blog entry. This is what she said:
“I read it. I am not quite sure what to say yet though. Thank you for sending it to me though. I am glad that you are not angry with me anymore. Of course I am not angry at you.
I am not sure what to say about the part where you say you want to be with me again. You know that can not happen right now. I can't just push away David because you have forgiven me and want me back. You know? That isn't fair to him or me. I just hope you know that, and don't spend all of your time missing me and wanting me back. You just might miss out on other people.
I am glad that you have forgiven me. That makes me so happy. I never meant to hurt you. I am sorry that I did. Knowing that you forgive me makes me feel better.
And I know you still love me. The message I sent you in August still applies...I will always love you, no matter who I am with. ”
I have to say that it confuses me. How can she love me but be with another man? Hopefully the answer will come in time.
The woman who Tori and I met through gave me a few questions that I should ask myself. I have taken a few days to think and now I believe I have the answers for them.
“how did you feel during the happy times of your marriage? Did you really have a connection? Did you talk about things? Were you truly happy?”
I felt blessed. Truly blessed. We had a huge connection. I could tell her things that I couldn't tell anyone else. I could show her my soul without feeling judged. I always told her how I felt. I could express everything to her. I was truly happy. Truly truly truly happy.
“What initially went wrong with the relationship? Can you work on that?”
We never saw each other. I worked all night and she worked all day. I was very lonely and that made me depressed. My depression was the first step in the spiral. I can work on that. I just should have gotten out of my comfort zone and looked for a day time job.
“What were the things that really bothered you about Tori? If they never changed, could you deal with that?”
She spends a lot of time on her computer. A LOT. She's a computer person. It's what she does. However, I think the initial thing she did while I was depressed was use the computer for comfort. If it never changed I would accept it. I understand it now but I believe with what I know now it wouldn't be an issue.
“After you've thought about all of that - think about the most important questions of all - is this really the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life and is it worth it?”
Yes. A resounding yes. I married her because she is the missing part of my being. The other piece. She completes me and I feel empty with out her. An incomplete person.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love her. I love her family. I love the idea of having children with her. I love the idea of growing old with her.
I love her.
I hope God hears my prayers. All I have is hope.
-Nick
“Sparks will fly beneath the luna alight... A little we die, above the lesser light, for you I'm open wide.”