Salt in our wounds.
It's after 4am and I'm awake. I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about Tori, my ex-wife.
I can't stop thing about how much I miss her, how much I love her... how stupid I was for leaving. It was the worst mistake I've ever made in my entire life. If I had one wish it would be to take it all back. Every stupid thing that happened.
The woman I thought of as my best friend for four years is now with another man. A man who is better looking than I am, more than likely smarter, and has the potential to make more money than I can. In man language we would say that she 'traded up'.
It's true she cheated on me but that's nothing to me now. It wasn't all her fault. Yes, she chose to do it but I didn't do anything to keep myself in her good graces. I was a grump, a fucking grump. I let my third shift job get to me. I let never getting to see her get to me. My depression pushed her away from me and she did what most people would do- find solace in another person. The feelings that grew for him were natural. Completely natural. He gave her what she needed, what I wasn't giving to her. Compassion.
What I did to her was wrong and I didn't even see it. Everyone else saw it... I was just blinded by my depression. However, that's no excuse. I love her, I should have used my love for her to get past it.
She was, and is, worth all the pain and suffering that I had to deal with and more. I made a promise to her to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsake all others, be faithful to her as long as we both shall live. I failed to live up to that. I FAILED.
I love her with all my heart. All of my heart. I never stopped.
I've said some horrible things about her. Horrible, horrible things that I can never take back. I was blinded by my depression after I left. We were suppose to be working things out. Taking time away from each other to think. I was too hurt to think strait. I was hurt and overly defensive. I pushed her further away. I pushed her completely into another man's arms.
She sent me a text on August 3rd at 1:01 pm. It read:
“I will always love you Nick. No matter where I am or who I am with. One day I hope you can find a way to forgive me.”
I have forgiven her. I have completely forgiven her. The horrible last 6 months we were together are all but forgotten.
I pray that she can find it in her heart to take me back. To love me again. To love me like I love her.
I will always love her. I promised that to her. I will no longer break promises to her. My heart is hers to do with what she will.
God made us one and God's work can't be undone by man nor Devil.
“As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.”
As our lord does it so shall I.
Everything she has done is nothing to me now. I just pray for her love. I want to be with my wife.
-Nicholas
I can't stop thing about how much I miss her, how much I love her... how stupid I was for leaving. It was the worst mistake I've ever made in my entire life. If I had one wish it would be to take it all back. Every stupid thing that happened.
The woman I thought of as my best friend for four years is now with another man. A man who is better looking than I am, more than likely smarter, and has the potential to make more money than I can. In man language we would say that she 'traded up'.
It's true she cheated on me but that's nothing to me now. It wasn't all her fault. Yes, she chose to do it but I didn't do anything to keep myself in her good graces. I was a grump, a fucking grump. I let my third shift job get to me. I let never getting to see her get to me. My depression pushed her away from me and she did what most people would do- find solace in another person. The feelings that grew for him were natural. Completely natural. He gave her what she needed, what I wasn't giving to her. Compassion.
What I did to her was wrong and I didn't even see it. Everyone else saw it... I was just blinded by my depression. However, that's no excuse. I love her, I should have used my love for her to get past it.
She was, and is, worth all the pain and suffering that I had to deal with and more. I made a promise to her to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsake all others, be faithful to her as long as we both shall live. I failed to live up to that. I FAILED.
I love her with all my heart. All of my heart. I never stopped.
I've said some horrible things about her. Horrible, horrible things that I can never take back. I was blinded by my depression after I left. We were suppose to be working things out. Taking time away from each other to think. I was too hurt to think strait. I was hurt and overly defensive. I pushed her further away. I pushed her completely into another man's arms.
She sent me a text on August 3rd at 1:01 pm. It read:
“I will always love you Nick. No matter where I am or who I am with. One day I hope you can find a way to forgive me.”
I have forgiven her. I have completely forgiven her. The horrible last 6 months we were together are all but forgotten.
I pray that she can find it in her heart to take me back. To love me again. To love me like I love her.
I will always love her. I promised that to her. I will no longer break promises to her. My heart is hers to do with what she will.
God made us one and God's work can't be undone by man nor Devil.
“As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.”
As our lord does it so shall I.
Everything she has done is nothing to me now. I just pray for her love. I want to be with my wife.
-Nicholas