an intro, a tecate, and your eyes
I know no one
will
read my poetry, much less
understand it (you
especially),
but it's ok. I'd feel
embarrassed
if you knew how much I loved you.
=====
Tecate
I'm not drunk, but I've drunk
quite a lot,
quietly.
I want to get drunk
and not need to get drunk,
so that I'll not have to
drink
that much more.
and when I get drunk I will
think of you
and warmth as warmth
wraps around my body and sighs
me into a stupor.
I'm in the adolescence of my alcoholism,
before the cold
condensation weeps off
the can in
the heat with a glistening
stutter
and puddle.
I cradle the thought of cradling you
as I rock myself in
self-sympathy,
lulling in and out of consciousness, unconsciouness; lilting
then lumping into a heap
of heavy breath and unbrushed teeth.
the crimpt can
wrapped wet
in the tall boy brown
paper bag
is enough of a dream, even if
empty calories.
=====
Your Eyes Seem
I.
your eyes seem
sudden, suddenly.
a flash
flood of subtlety drowning me politely from a
distance
demurely
coaxing my
blind
ambitions to blink
you into focus. focus,
because I read intent into everything,
and:
your beauty is intentional.
your smile needs to stop
or there's nothing I can do
but be swept off and
swept up off the floor. I'm floored
and stumbling,
stuttering
and mumbling
in the slow shock of
your gaze. I don't know
its truth, it's truth,
but I'm doubling
over over
you-- you-
r eyes
see the world,
seem the world
to: me.
II.
your eyes seem
to water at the world--
a dewed allergic reaction.
wet empathy
oozes out your aura while
the nuanced droop
at the edge
of your eyebrows
sighs peace,
invites
the quiet coup
swelling in
my eyes. I stare
without looking, am scared without
shaking, piece
by piece breaking when in your sacred
presence yet somehow still
solid.
I'm washed away and unable
to face your divine
without damming myself
back:
you are a humid being,
I can't help
that I sweat when you're near, that
my brain and hair
starts to frizz and split, puffing up
and making me look like a clown.
III.
your eyes seem
only to open, always
blinking wide as if blinded,
constantly
amazed and newborn.
the soft joy
held humble between
the shy,
peeking corner of your mouth
and the untold fruit of your cheek--
it pushes, plumps
upward,
forcing a squint
that brings the well
worn lines of your young
face to life,
a map of
delicate inroads
effervescent highways
historied
yet blank. I'm
waiting
in wonder for destiny
to manifest itself and kiss
me with proclamations,
but you stay
settled, steeped
in calm against my stumbling calamity, blinking open into the darkness.
I fear
the undiscovered fact of your gaze,
that it lies
beyond me, no-
where near
my heart.
IV.
my eyes seep
from their center,
all the greenness gone and grown
to nothing--
hollowed
bamboo
wood.
paled,
as a flower
deeply pressed
between the pages of a book, forgotten and dried with time, hoping, one day, to fall
free
, in a slow dance of whimsy,
to the floor,
as gracefully brittle as the memory it was meant to mark.
your eyes seem,
but I'll never know;
poetry is a paltry salve, and all I'll have
from: you.
will
read my poetry, much less
understand it (you
especially),
but it's ok. I'd feel
embarrassed
if you knew how much I loved you.
=====
Tecate
I'm not drunk, but I've drunk
quite a lot,
quietly.
I want to get drunk
and not need to get drunk,
so that I'll not have to
drink
that much more.
and when I get drunk I will
think of you
and warmth as warmth
wraps around my body and sighs
me into a stupor.
I'm in the adolescence of my alcoholism,
before the cold
condensation weeps off
the can in
the heat with a glistening
stutter
and puddle.
I cradle the thought of cradling you
as I rock myself in
self-sympathy,
lulling in and out of consciousness, unconsciouness; lilting
then lumping into a heap
of heavy breath and unbrushed teeth.
the crimpt can
wrapped wet
in the tall boy brown
paper bag
is enough of a dream, even if
empty calories.
=====
Your Eyes Seem
I.
your eyes seem
sudden, suddenly.
a flash
flood of subtlety drowning me politely from a
distance
demurely
coaxing my
blind
ambitions to blink
you into focus. focus,
because I read intent into everything,
and:
your beauty is intentional.
your smile needs to stop
or there's nothing I can do
but be swept off and
swept up off the floor. I'm floored
and stumbling,
stuttering
and mumbling
in the slow shock of
your gaze. I don't know
its truth, it's truth,
but I'm doubling
over over
you-- you-
r eyes
see the world,
seem the world
to: me.
II.
your eyes seem
to water at the world--
a dewed allergic reaction.
wet empathy
oozes out your aura while
the nuanced droop
at the edge
of your eyebrows
sighs peace,
invites
the quiet coup
swelling in
my eyes. I stare
without looking, am scared without
shaking, piece
by piece breaking when in your sacred
presence yet somehow still
solid.
I'm washed away and unable
to face your divine
without damming myself
back:
you are a humid being,
I can't help
that I sweat when you're near, that
my brain and hair
starts to frizz and split, puffing up
and making me look like a clown.
III.
your eyes seem
only to open, always
blinking wide as if blinded,
constantly
amazed and newborn.
the soft joy
held humble between
the shy,
peeking corner of your mouth
and the untold fruit of your cheek--
it pushes, plumps
upward,
forcing a squint
that brings the well
worn lines of your young
face to life,
a map of
delicate inroads
effervescent highways
historied
yet blank. I'm
waiting
in wonder for destiny
to manifest itself and kiss
me with proclamations,
but you stay
settled, steeped
in calm against my stumbling calamity, blinking open into the darkness.
I fear
the undiscovered fact of your gaze,
that it lies
beyond me, no-
where near
my heart.
IV.
my eyes seep
from their center,
all the greenness gone and grown
to nothing--
hollowed
bamboo
wood.
paled,
as a flower
deeply pressed
between the pages of a book, forgotten and dried with time, hoping, one day, to fall
free
, in a slow dance of whimsy,
to the floor,
as gracefully brittle as the memory it was meant to mark.
your eyes seem,
but I'll never know;
poetry is a paltry salve, and all I'll have
from: you.