november twelfth, two thousand and fifteen
I've been thinking of live journal and writing in general lately. 90 to 95 percent of all the "poetry" I write/update on here isn't really poetry. it's usually just bits and fragments of something cute, or an impromptu mad dash typing that turns into something, but it's never really planned out before hand and never edited in an real sense. my bachelor's degree is in creative writing poetry, but outside of creative writing classes where I was forced to write via deadline for a grade, I never really write poetry. sure I'll jot an idea or a couplet down here and there, but without something forcing me to write I just end up not writing.
and it's a shame, because I love to write poetry, and when I'm forced to write due to school I come out with pieces that I really like, poems that I'm really proud of (unlike the blah poem I posted in my last update which is stupid and overwrought). I started writing again a few months ago, actually sitting down and forcing myself to write. it's the first time I've ever consciously worked on poetry for myself, sat down and written things for no other reason than I enjoy it and I know I'm good at it. the process has been a revelation. I've found a beautiful structure that I keep expanding upon, and I feel capable in my ability. I have a few pieces I've worked on and edited multiple times already, as well as many bits and pieces that I'm editing and working up, avidly and actually trying, though I could always be more avid about the whole process.
my point is, it's been good and I've been happy. my bachelor's is in poetry and until lately I've never really used it or thought about using it for myself. depression keeps me from writing, keeps my thoughts from getting written down and remembered, but I'm trying to triumph over it, to direct my energy and energies into my writing and into something beautiful. I want to keep working. I have some broad ideas for larger pieces and ways to connect the smaller pieces. working quietly and alone is lovely, but I want to keep at it so that in a few months I can have a solid body of new work, new ideas that I've revised and edited into a cohesive whole. I'd love to publish a book of poetry, a real book of poetry that means and says something, not just some little shit collection of bullshit I wrote that I feel is important and you should also feel is important, but a thought out object with real weight.
I regret everything
that isn't
you,
including me. I regret I
couldn't stop myself from being
myself, and I
apologize for me, the universe, and all
its constituents.
I'm gonna try to update here and there with more regularity, hopefully with real thoughts and real poetry, especially as no one reads any of this anymore which makes the whole process a little more fun and transgressive. it's hard to format properly on lj but I'll figure it out, form is function and most poets lack both. wish me luck, and if you see me around then say hello. I like to talk. I'm generally interested in anything you have to say.
and it's a shame, because I love to write poetry, and when I'm forced to write due to school I come out with pieces that I really like, poems that I'm really proud of (unlike the blah poem I posted in my last update which is stupid and overwrought). I started writing again a few months ago, actually sitting down and forcing myself to write. it's the first time I've ever consciously worked on poetry for myself, sat down and written things for no other reason than I enjoy it and I know I'm good at it. the process has been a revelation. I've found a beautiful structure that I keep expanding upon, and I feel capable in my ability. I have a few pieces I've worked on and edited multiple times already, as well as many bits and pieces that I'm editing and working up, avidly and actually trying, though I could always be more avid about the whole process.
my point is, it's been good and I've been happy. my bachelor's is in poetry and until lately I've never really used it or thought about using it for myself. depression keeps me from writing, keeps my thoughts from getting written down and remembered, but I'm trying to triumph over it, to direct my energy and energies into my writing and into something beautiful. I want to keep working. I have some broad ideas for larger pieces and ways to connect the smaller pieces. working quietly and alone is lovely, but I want to keep at it so that in a few months I can have a solid body of new work, new ideas that I've revised and edited into a cohesive whole. I'd love to publish a book of poetry, a real book of poetry that means and says something, not just some little shit collection of bullshit I wrote that I feel is important and you should also feel is important, but a thought out object with real weight.
I regret everything
that isn't
you,
including me. I regret I
couldn't stop myself from being
myself, and I
apologize for me, the universe, and all
its constituents.
I'm gonna try to update here and there with more regularity, hopefully with real thoughts and real poetry, especially as no one reads any of this anymore which makes the whole process a little more fun and transgressive. it's hard to format properly on lj but I'll figure it out, form is function and most poets lack both. wish me luck, and if you see me around then say hello. I like to talk. I'm generally interested in anything you have to say.